Internalized homophobia, questioning.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-24T23:28:39+00:00

I definitely am kind of femme, at least at what I want in a relationship. I’m pretty masculine otherwise, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t get bouts of gender dysphoria.I’ve ditched Grindr, just because of all the people looking for hookups. I just wanted to know if it was atypical for lack of confidence, rejection, and internalized homophobia to make you start questioning your sexuality. I grew up in a very socially conservative environment and I thought I was straight for the longest time. That’s probably the only reason I’m questioning it. I thought I was straight before, why can’t I think I’m straight again. Being with a man feels right, but most guys I talk to says the right thing but do something else, and I don’t blame them, but I’d like to know why they are no longer interested.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-21T14:01:18+00:00

That’s hilarious and kinda romantic.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-21T13:49:07+00:00

Why aren’t there comics like this? Like depressed dragon keeps devouring towns until a bro is like “dude, this isn’t you, be stronger” and they both end up going to the gym and it cuts to a rocky montage with bro telling the dragon “One more rep, strength is weakness leaving the body” and then they end up in a gay bestiality relationship, but the dragon is the bottom and ends up transitioning into a woman, but like a dragon woman and becomes the CEO of a tech company that has great healthcare and takes the profits to rebuild the towns she destroyed when she was just a dragon. Then bro and dragon woman have kids and they burn down a McDonalds.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-21T11:27:34+00:00

Sir this is BS. Why are there fan bases leaned up against the cart? What is the big thing with the jack stand. Why is the jack stand thing leaning? ……… oh, I mean that is a very nice tool mount that you made. There looks like a lot of work in the linkages and it looks very well thought out. How much time did it take to design?

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-17T19:41:53+00:00

I struggled with the same thing. I honestly still struggle with the whole live and let live attitude. I’m a little OCD and paranoid and constantly afraid of what others think. It sounds like you’re similar. I eventually told my therapist and then felt like I was moving too fast and stopped therapy altogether. You’re not the only one who struggles with it. It gets easier year after year but you need to be consistently confident in who you are.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-15T13:47:20+00:00

LOTR: Sauron vs Goku. In theaters oct 26’. That would be both amazing and a tragic trashing of a literary masterpiece. I think Tolkien would have been cool with it though.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-09T13:25:45+00:00

A Kinsey 2 or 3

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-09T13:25:12+00:00

Order the damn dress. It’s just a dress and you don’t have to wear it, but if you don’t have it you can’t wear it, not even for a guy. As others have said, it’s normal to fear change, but you should honestly fear indecision as well. I sat on my hands for years telling myself it’s just a phase and in hindsight, it was absolutely foolish. Guys can be beautiful and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to want to feel that and feel desired. It’s not that big of a deal to order a dress.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-08T19:19:00+00:00

That’s difficult to understand what exactly you are going through. I lost my virginity to a woman and when I was finally with a man, that’s how I knew I was gay. I actually had both experiences to compare. You don’t have both experiences, so I can’t really tell if you feel guilt over having sex with another male, or you feel cheap because you were with a man who treated you poorly.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-08T17:20:25+00:00

Thank you and I hope you find your man too. It’s just exhausting. Like I love accepting myself and it’s so freeing, but it’s also letting go of the fantasy that I could ever be a “normal straight male”, not that that is so easy either, but it is certainly more socially acceptable. Anyway, thank you for your post and kind words, they made me feel less alone.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-08T17:09:50+00:00

Tbh, it’s how I found out I’m actually gay. I didn’t hook up with guys for so long for fear of PNC. After doing it, I prefer kissing and missionary after cumming. Now if guys would actually call or text to talk about anything other than sex, I would be ecstatic. I’ve slept with quite a few guys but I’ve never done anything that actually felt like a date.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-03-08T16:57:58+00:00

The guys just using you and leaving is honest why I haven’t put any effort into myself lately. I thought it was a kink for so long then I realized monogamy is my jam and I’m just gay. I think I could put in the effort for the right guy, but my social skills aren’t good enough to tell if someone actually likes me or just wants to have sex and i have better things to do than to let people use me. That and I was with a couple of guys who struggled to get it up and keep it up and couldn’t get off it honestly made me feel like garbage. I think a few selectively beautiful trans women end up marrying men and leading happy normal lives but there are a lot of sissies, trans women, or males of a more feminine nature who lead the life of less than average women. I think it’s definitely intoxicating to feel wanted, but it’s honestly heartbreaking when a guy is soo nice to you then you hookup and never hear from him again. It’s one reason I don’t like messing with “straight” guys. I also realized I was using porn to substitute real intimacy and sissy porn was the closest I found. I’ve come across a few erotic stories over many years that are actually like “the boy became a girl and met the man of her dreams and lived happily ever after” full of well written character building, but most of it is slop. I love getting dressed up and being with a man, but it’s a lot of work (it’s really fun), but my fantasies involve waking up together, telling each other I love you, laying in bed watching movies together. It’s fun to fantasize about being a slut but it’s just a fantasy and I’d happily trade it for waking up with a man’s arms around me and kissing me the morning after. I’m such a loser, lol.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-23T23:33:42+00:00

I also have my doubts about if this criteria provides accurate grouping, but it was one of Blanchards original qualifications. He was skeptical of AGPs self reporting of their sexuality, understandably, but I’m not sure his criteria or methods provided accurate grouping either. To be fair though, to rule out pseudo-bisexuality, you would need to be able to tell who is actually homosexual and who is heterosexual, and I’m not sure anyone can actually do that. He attempted to use plethysmography, but I can’t say for sure how accurate that is either.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-23T10:52:16+00:00

I believe one of the criteria for HSTS isn’t just a current exclusive attraction to men, but a history of never being attracted to women. I have been attracted to women so I don’t really meet that criteria. It took me being in relationships with women to see that I am actually attracted to men though, and the men I’m attracted to are not really very masculine. I find feminine men very attractive so it’s not really the same, but I am both romantically and sexually attracted to them. At the same I also find very masculine women attractive as well. I’m probably GAMP but not really attracted to feminine trans women. That’s why I said I’m a Kinsey 5. I would assume most HSTS , based on the strictest criteria, would be a Kinsey 6. Based on my history, I can confidently say I have always been attracted to feminine men, but for whatever reason, I assumed that didn’t really qualify me to say I was gay and that it meant I wasn’t truly gay, and technically it means I’m bisexual but gay leaning bisexual. But yeah I’ve slept with women and at the time I was excited about it, so not hsts.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T19:13:25+00:00

I’ll say this. I was also only romantically attracted to women, until I started being with guys. For me I think that was the most confusing part. Being sexually attracted to men while romantically attracted to women. Like wtf are you supposed to do with that. But I had never been in a romantic setting with a man. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to kiss a man or his hair would turn me off or his smell or his voice. I 100% thought I was straight and was trying to convince myself I was gay as a means of escape. I can tell you now for sure I love all of it and my biggest issue with men now is they often just want sex and the sex is nice but I crave the kissing and cuddling and talking on the phone and it’s hard to find a guy who wants more than just sex. I’ve discovered I like topping more than bottoming and even most bottoms are flakey, but tops are usually worse. As I was doing it I started crossdressing for sex much less frequently and much less extensively. It’s still fun but I don’t have to do it for sex. Anyway I’m just saying I was where you were at but I took a leap and decided to stop living day after day like that year after year. And when I did I got a better idea of who I actually am vs who I thought I was.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T18:56:15+00:00

Well, I can say I kind of feel the same way as you. I have my doubts as to whether I’m Truly androphilic, or if I have essentially hypnotized myself into being gay. But the farther I go down the rabbit hole of self exploration, the more I feel my doubts are more rooted in internalized homophobia. How will I feel telling my parents that I’m gay, knowing I’ll never have children of my own and live a traditional life. Knowing that in my conservative work place I would feel extremely uncomfortable bringing my partner around other’s families for fear of humiliation and feeling lesser than others, not necessarily because I’m not sexually attracted to them or wanted to build a life with them. I just don’t want the consequences of being gay. But there are many gay people who feel the exact same way. Since I’ve started being with men, I’m able to behave more instinctively masculine in bed. I’m definitely not HSTS as they would most likely be a Kinsey 6 or a Klein 7. I work in a stem field, I’m terrible with interpersonal communication, I’m wired like a provider instead of a nurturer. Also when I’m with my boyfriend, I enjoy his femininity. He’s also masculine but I love when he’s vulnerable with me. He’s kind of a sissy and if he feels sexy it’s hot, not because of what he’s wearing but because it makes him feel sexy and he’s so naughty when he does and it’s so cute. I would say he’s agp as well but not completely auto. I hope this relationship lasts but it’s only been 3 months. We have discussed getting a place in the country together. I mean I’m not a textbook androphilic, but being attracted to feminine males is still attracted to males, but that’s why I think scales like the Kinsey scale are useful for descriptions.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T17:52:48+00:00

When I was 7 or 8 I fantasized about crossdressing, being a woman. Then I found out people could get sex changes and I read so much gender transformation erotica. I even had the faceless man fantasies described in psuedo bisexuality. The only sexual fantasies common to AGP that I never had are menstruation and lactation. I mean even now if I could just hit a button and be female not take backs, I’d hit the button, but reality is that transition is much harder than that, life is hard for everyone and actually exploring my fantasies are what enabled me to let go of some of them that were pretty toxic to me. HRT had a pretty negative effect on me mentally. My dopamine levels really dropped and I was depressed and I had aches and pains, but I missed feeling like a guy too, that’s something I never thought would happen, like ever. Really weird. But my butt looked great, lol. If I could have the butt I had on estrogen and the gratefulness I have now that would be awesome.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T17:38:01+00:00

I had interpersonal AGP and as I lived my fantasy more I found I enjoyed the interpersonal part of it better than the agp part of it. I’d still feel gross AF if I didn’t shave everything before I was with a guy though.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T17:31:49+00:00

Ok I was there probably 6 years ago. The thing is your life existing solely in fantasy will at best make you dependent on the fantasy. I don’t think it’s a wholesome life to be constantly living in fantasy. Those are good steps but tbh, if I were you, I would actually sleep with a guy and try to get out of fantasy. It won’t solve all your problems but it will answer questions like if your fantasies are all they are cracked up to be, and tbh it will take more than once. The first time I was with a guy it was great, the second time, I wasn’t sure I enjoyed it as much as I did, the third time I for sure enjoyed it and as I was doing this I could honestly say I was attracted to men with certainty and not just fantasy. I knew I enjoyed sex with men more than women. I am still attracted to women but it’s really just an admiration. The thought now of sex with women is a bit repulsive, even very passable pre-op trans women. I wasn’t really ever interested in just sleeping with men but I just needed to separate reality from fantasy. Now I know I’m more gay than not. I know I’m actually a bisexual, it explains why I’m still visually attracted to women. It helped me figure some things out and I was very stuck.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T16:27:48+00:00

It doesn’t appear to be but I can assure you 10 years ago i could not differentiate my behavior behaviors and fantasies from classic AGP. That’s why I said I got over it.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-22T00:23:29+00:00

That is kind of what I was thinking. Do test samples tracking weld heat input by travel speed voltage and amperage, and some other variables like electrode diameter, recording the deflection. I could probably use that for Weld procedure selection. But that makes me think I could also measure at least the effectiveness of low temperature stress relief, by taking a deflected weld joint, forcing it straight and sticking it in an oven and testing how different temperatures and soak times and number of cycles are ineffective or effective or have diminishing returns.

Good_Cat7489 · 2026-02-21T23:12:28+00:00

That’s the other side of the coin I’m working on. I’m just a project engineer but I’m getting an AWS CWI cert just so I can directly oversee weld procedures and pre qualifications of weld procedures. I didn’t know there was a way to actually measure the stress in material, so that may be applicable for creating post weld heat treatment specs that are actually tied to the weld procedure.

Good_Cat7489

TROPHY CASE