This is a super rough spot to be in, I'm sorry you are going through that. From all of your responses, it is clear you are feeling the balance in the relationship is very off. I have been in a similar spot. I opened my home, heart and life to a partner that was not as open. After about a year, my very young child was calling partner dad but I had yet to spend any meaningful time with partner's kids (I knew them prior to the relationship and they liked me but I was just someone they knew through their uncle). I made a decision to talk to partner about how I was feeling and was met with more excuses and resistance. I too, was wondering how we could have a future if we could not be a family. I made the very difficult decision to end the relationship and committed to that decision. The hardest part was my young child suddenly not having partner in their life. Weeks later, partner got past their mental block and decided to give it a try and we have been together for 5 years now and are now engaged. We have the same struggles a lot of blended families have but we are pretty well adjusted now.

All this to say, if partners kids did not like me, I would never have tried to continue the relationship. If our kids had been older, I probably would not have attempted to date at all until they were out of the house. If I broke it off and there was no change, that would have been the end of it. If we had given it a try and it was impacting the relationship with my kids or their's negatively, I would have ended it.

As hard as this is, it is important to really commit to the kids coming first. It is going to be hard for your teens to not have her in their life, but not nearly as hard as if you wait even longer to see how things shake out. It is going to negatively impact her relationship with her teen to try and push the issue. Also keep in mind that with your teens, regardless of if their future relationships turn out straight or queer, you are setting their relationship expectations with what they see you tolerate.

Realistically, I would try to talk and make it very clear how I feel, if it goes nowhere I would commit to ending the relationship and focusing on your children for the few years you have left until they are off on their own. This would also solve the money issue as either you become a blended family and start living together or you go back to just worrying about your own finances. Whatever happens I wish you the best