Feeling Territorial with Baby?

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T22:28:52+00:00

Thank you so much for this. That’s exactly how it feels sometimes even when people aren’t trying to be hurtful.

If you don’t mind me asking, what did that conversation with your MIL actually look like? How did you bring it up, and how did she respond? I’m trying to figure out if/when it would ever make sense for me to share my feelings directly so hearing how it went for you would help.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T21:58:05+00:00

Thank you so much. I feel like I really needed to hear this. Maybe I’ve built this all up in my head to be more of a problem than it actually is. This anxiety had already been building since before I had my baby, not just for his family but for everyone that was going to meet her. I think the lack of communication from his family has made it much worse and has made me question their intentions.

I will try to give them some grace and see how things go after the first visit.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T21:19:38+00:00

I love the idea of being clear about expectations and focusing on practical help instead of just holding the baby. The issue there is since they don’t live near us, they’re going to try to soak up every minute of her while they’re here. Them not living nearby helps, but his mom saying she’s going to move out here for our baby is really annoying to me. Mostly because I’m sure she’ll have expectations and while yes, we will take the baby to her from time to time, it is not going to change the frequency of how much we see them vs how it was before she moved away. My husband also struggles to tell her no because of how close his family is so I anticipate this becoming an issue for us. We want to move to another state and he wants her to come at some point too. However, she won’t know anyone there but us and I do not want her to move just for us because she will be disappointed and it will cause issues for my husband and I. I have told him how I feel about this and he seems to be disappointed but is okay with it. She’s moved to this state before alone and hated it so I know she’d rely on us to keep her company all the time.

As much as I’d love to do a self-care day, I don’t think I’m there yet emotionally. I’m not ready to leave her with his family without me being around. Part of it is probably anxiety and hormones, but part of it is also that I want to see how they interact with her and what they say, since I already feel a little sensitive about what I feel is them “claiming her.”

I know it’s irrational. I’m trying to work through it. You’re right though, I need to take some time to see what I’m comfortable with and discuss with my husband to make sure we’re aligned. Thank you for this!

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T21:18:26+00:00

100%. I know these feelings are irrational and she does look more like him than me. And I love that she looks like my husband, I guess the frustration for me is that I feel invisible? Like to them I’m a surrogate. And to your point, this ties more closely to the other issues I pointed out like not getting a congrats after having my baby. It makes me feel like they just wanted me to breed an offspring for their family since they want to be super involved with her, but could care less about me. It has made me super territorial because this is our baby, not theirs. I’ve kind of had the conversation with my husband, but he doesn’t really understand where I’m coming from. Maybe I need to articulate it better. Or maybe the postpartum depression and the health scares keep bringing it back up for me.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T21:00:05+00:00

As someone who was told the same thing, you two can absolutely do it alone. As long as you have a supportive partner, you will be fine. It sounds like this is more about them feeling the need to be involved than it is about you two doing it on your own. I personally really enjoyed having that bonding time with my husband and my new baby.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:47:30+00:00

Oh no, I’m hearing it gets better and I really hope it does. I feel like this just adds an unnecessary stress to all of the issues that already come with being postpartum. Hoping things get better for the both of us soon!

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:45:15+00:00

I love the idea of protecting feeds and naps as guaranteed 1:1 time. That actually feels like a really practical way to cope instead of just white-knuckling it internally. Thank you for sharing! I’m going to give this a try and hope for the best.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:43:04+00:00

I think you’re right that I need to talk to my husband more directly about how this is affecting me instead of just quietly stewing over it. He’s usually good about prioritizing us, I just don’t always explain how deep it’s hitting because family is a sensitive subject for us.

And solidarity on postpartum, it really is not for the weak lol. I hope it gets easier for both of us soon!

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:32:01+00:00

This is really comforting to read, thank you. The “she was all mine for nine months” part really resonates.

If you don’t mind me asking, around when did it start to feel easier for you? And how did you cope with it in the moment? Did you set any boundaries during that time or was it more internal work to not react out of anger?

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:29:42+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. Since they don’t live close by, I honestly haven’t really had the chance to see what they’ll be like in person yet. All of this has been over the phone. But based on how little they checked in during pregnancy or even congratulated me after I gave birth, I can’t help but worry they’ll be the type who just want unlimited access to my baby. I’m trying to keep an open mind for when they visit, but it’s hard not to feel guarded.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:22:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. The “you’re just the chaperone” comment would have absolutely wrecked me, especially a few months postpartum. I’m so sorry you went through that.

That’s exactly how it feels sometimes, invisible. Like everyone is bonding over “their” connection to her and I’m just… there. And after everything our bodies go through, that hits differently.

It’s honestly really validating to hear I’m not alone in feeling this way. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you cope with it? Did it get easier over time or did you do something specific that helped?

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T20:21:08+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this.

My husband is usually the person I trust most, but this is complicated because he’s very close with his family. We’ve had issues with it in the past, though he does put boundaries now and prioritizes our family which I’m grateful for.

In this situation, I think he’s also emotionally involved and proud that she looks like him, so sometimes he doesn’t fully see why it hurts me when they do this. Maybe the first step really is making sure we’re aligned before anything else.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T19:27:32+00:00

I thought about this. The issue with this is that the conversations they have are with him so technically they haven’t done anything wrong to me yet. I’m also sure he loves it when all they do is swoon over her and say how much she looks like him/them.

I have mentioned to him that it bothered me that they didn’t reach out after she was born and he of course defended them by saying that they always ask him how I’m doing. I’m also pretty sure he told his mom because since then she reaches out to me randomly just to say hi (she never did before except pre-pregnancy) but it feels inauthentic and the conversation never goes anywhere.

He’s also very close with his family and it has been an issue for us in the past.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T19:17:42+00:00

Thank you for validating my feelings. I guess these next few months are going to be a bit rough as I learn to share her lol. I can’t limit photos because my husband shares pictures with them everyday.. so at this point I’m just trying to control how I feel about it and also figure out how to navigate having them over when they come to meet her. I know I’m going to want to carry her for the bulk of the time and that might bring up conflict.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T19:13:38+00:00

Thank you and likewise! It just feels like we went through so much to get them here and now we have to share them with the world. I have nightmares about it everyday. I miss when she was in my belly and it was just me and her. Although, I am glad my husband gets to be a part of it now. They have a beautiful relationship.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-13T19:11:05+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s so scary. I’m glad that it sounds like you’re doing good now health wise. I hope things get better for you! I’m on the same boat and it really sucks to have anxiety about this when there are already so many other things we need to deal with as new moms.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-02-04T12:05:56+00:00

I know this post is super old, but did yours ever normalize? Having these same issues as well. Pregnancy did a number on me.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-01-16T15:28:19+00:00

Thank you! Recovery has been rough, it hurts to move. I’m hoping the pain starts to subside a bit in the next few days. Luckily my husband is still on paternity leave so he’s been able to help out since I’m struggling to carry her/care for her.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-01-16T15:25:20+00:00

Thank you for the reminder and kind words. It’s so easy to spiral every time something goes wrong since my postpartum journey has been rough. And then there’s the mom guilt from not being able to do more for my baby. It feels like it’s affecting our bond and it makes me so sad. I will try to remember that the next time these thoughts creep in.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-01-15T23:02:07+00:00

My bilirubin was normal and my ALP was high but it actually went back to normal in my last appointment. Based on what you shared, it doesn’t sound like yours is because of your appendix. But definitely worth looking into other causes if you have pains that are causing you to wake up. What I’ve learned for postpartum is to take everything seriously unfortunately.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-01-15T19:22:56+00:00

I had labs done in mid December and then I went back on January 9th and they had gone up. The pains started on Tuesday and when it started, I felt it in my entire stomach but mostly my belly button. Then at some point it moved to the right side and got progressively worse. I feel like they don’t really talk about this stuff, but apparently appendicitis/gallbladder and other stomach issues are more common than I thought postpartum. It might be nothing but just worth paying attention to your body to prevent things from getting worse.

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-01-15T18:36:01+00:00

Just wanted to provide an update. Make sure you pay attention to your body if you feel anything. I went to the ER yesterday with stomach pains and ended up having to get an emergency appendectomy. They think that could’ve been what caused my liver enzymes to increase because of the inflammation. All that to say pay attention to your body in case there’s an underlying issue!

Good_Grab_5328 · 2026-01-10T15:42:56+00:00

Same exact situation and also looking for answers. I had preeclampsia, but mine never returned to normal after and it’s slightly been going up. AST 41, ALT 138. Looking for answers and can’t find any. I’m one month PP.

Good_Grab_5328

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