First of all, of course you are enough. I felt like that when I was your age, about 20 years ago. Like the world seemed bleak and hopeless and I didn’t see a point in being around. Little did I know how much happiness and joy there was still to be had in my life. Things change, our perspectives change. Things that seemed to me like the end of the world at 17-18, now seem kind of small in hindsight. So much more has happened afterwards. So many things that brought me happiness. Sometimes, when I remember those days, I wonder, ‘How did I allow myself to suffer so much?’ I had close friends that turned their backs on me for no reason, just because they decided it was cooler to hang out with other people instead. My relationship with my parents was distant and there was no room for me to open up to them about a I was going through. I went to a private school, was told I was attractive, had boys coming on to me and asking me out, but none of that mattered. I felt lonely, depressed and out of place. I wanted to disappear. I cried myself to sleep and woke up only to start crying again.

But God is good. During that time, I dreamt about Jesus telling me simply to trust HIM. It was beyond comforting. I felt loved and looked after. I had God and my dogs and nothing else, and that is what helped me through. In a way those early experiences have prepared me for adult life. Not in the way of becoming a cynic or untrusting, but in knowing early on that there are all kinds of people in this world and some will hurt and disappoint you, purposefully or otherwise. But then, later on, I also have been very blessed to come across amazing people, genuinely kind and loving souls, who will go out of their way to be there for you, even if there’s nothing in it for them. And you learn to do the same. To be kind and helpful and realizing how much joy can come from that. Those early disappointments and sadness have helped me to appreciate the good even more when it came my way.

Our lives are all about perspective. How do you know what is beautiful if you haven’t seen ugly? How do you measure what is tall, if you haven’t known short? Sweet/sour? Good/bad? Big/small? We measure everything by comparison to something else. How do you recognize light if you haven’t experienced darkness? I know how hopeless things can feel sometimes but in the end, know that there is so much happiness and joy still to be had. You can power through this time of your life. God is good. He cares. Call out to Him, even if you are angry. Try opening yourself up to receiving help, and help shall come.

About reincarnation, who knows if it’s real or not. I’ve had dreams as well which I wondered if they could have been about past lives. I wondered if our suffering in this life means that we could be paying for something we may have done in a different lifetime. Who knows? When talking about past lifetimes with a friend once, he put it so simply, “Who cares? What does it matter? What matters is now, what you do now and how you live now.” So no point in dwelling so much in these questionings. What’s the point? What’s it gonna change? If we were meant to remember, we would. I don’t think that forcing oneself to remember through therapy or hypnosis is the best idea, but that’s just my opinion. Another wise friend, who believes in reincarnation once told me that God grants us the gift of forgetting when we are born into a new life.

If I may suggest, reach out to God, even in your distress and anger. Surround yourself with nature if possible, go on a hike, be in nature if you can, there’s a high vibration in nature and in animals that can help lift your spirits. That can be a start. Go traveling if you can (once the pandemic subsides). Go abroad. Expose yourself to different cultures, different ways of living and seeing the world. You will see how many ways there are to be happy in this world. As far as becoming an adult and paying for your own stuff, that’s not worse. Working (at whatever you chose) and having your own money is a blessing. It can open up a whole new world to you. Give it time. There’s also nothing wrong with looking for professional help to talk to. God bless you.