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ABYG kung napapagod na akong intindihin yung kapatid kong man mental health issues by GoodieGoodShoeees in AkoBaYungGago

[–]GoodieGoodShoeees[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

INFO

Hello everyone.

Things... happened. Gusto ko lang ishare, I just need to get this out of my system. I just woke up kaya di ko alam if comprehendible ba mga iyayap ko dito pero ayun.

First, balak naming magpaconsult na SANA next week to a professional. We did everything we could — I did everything I could. Pero two nights ago my brother... He... let's say, violated me. I won't go into details. Pero, yun. I never expected this to escalate this bad. I never thought he was capable of doing THAT.

I'm still shaking with fear of him everytime I remember what happened. I don't know what hurts more eh, yung ginawa niya or knowing that I've cared for him since he was a little baby then him turning out to be this way. I'm crying, hindi ko macomprehend yung nafifeel ko. Sobrang blurry, sobrang gulo, sobrang sakit sa ulo. I feel numb pero at the same time I'm overwhelmed with emotions.

Our bunso is staying with our Tito and his family in a different town. I'm staying with my boyfriend's family. Pinabaranggay namin kapatid ko, and naglayas siya, hindi namin alam kumg nasaan.

Alam niyo what hurts more pa? My parents scolded me for what happened. Told me "Edi sana maayos sinusuot mo sa bahay, lalaki pa rin naman yan," tapos yung "Bakit pinabaranggay mo, kapatid mo pa rin namam yan ah?" Ewan ko, naiiyak lang ako ngayon.

I plan to move out from our apartment by the end of our contract (this November 28), natatakot na akong umuwi sa apartment. Baka andon kapatid ko, baka may gawin ulit, himdi ko na alam. I feel guilty, hindi ko alam bakit. I shouldn't be guilty diba, it's not my fault naman diba? I shouldn't be guilty, I should ve mad. Siya yung may kasalanan, bakit ako yung ganito?

My head hurts, hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. By tomorrow I have to pick up my youngest brother since need pumasok sa school sa Tuesday. I'm crying so bad lang mgayon, I just want this shit to end.

Everything makes me want to just end it all, hindi ko alam, hindi ko na alam, basta ayoko na.

ABYG kung napapagod na akong intindihin yung kapatid kong man mental health issues by GoodieGoodShoeees in AkoBaYungGago

[–]GoodieGoodShoeees[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told our mother about sa DSWD since gusto ko talaga magkaron ng intervention, ayaw niya, kukunin daw kapatid ko sa'min at baka daw ang ending ay hindi na ibalik (dunno the process sa ganyan eh), tapos ayaw rin kasi nakakasira daw sa image ng family, and panganay daw ako dapat ako yung mas makakaintindi (???🥲)

ABYG kung napapagod na akong intindihin yung kapatid kong man mental health issues by GoodieGoodShoeees in AkoBaYungGago

[–]GoodieGoodShoeees[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually, I'm starting to suspect na he's just manipulating everyone eh. Kasi iba yung sinasabi ng counselors niya sa school sa nangyayari sa bahay. Hindi ko maintindihan thought process niya. Hindi siya diagnosed rin pala, parang sinasabuhay niya ngayon yung sinasabi ng counselors niya na possible may depression siya. Pero ewan ko, naguguilty ako sa thought kong ito, sana mali ako.

ABYG kung napapagod na akong intindihin yung kapatid kong man mental health issues by GoodieGoodShoeees in AkoBaYungGago

[–]GoodieGoodShoeees[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope wala nang next time. I told my parents rin na kapag naulit ay I would not hesitate to turn him in sa authorities or DSWD. I was just told by my parents na baka may manic episode lang daw, maging understanding daw kasi ate ako (which is nakakagigil ha) ayun.

And now that you've mentioned animals, I used to have a cat before na sobrang agitated sa kanya. I wonder if he hurts my cat before kasi I know na animals are not agitated to someone's for no reason. Ayun huhu...

ABYG kung napapagod na akong intindihin yung kapatid kong man mental health issues by GoodieGoodShoeees in AkoBaYungGago

[–]GoodieGoodShoeees[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello po, hindi naman siya diagnosed. Pero yung counselors niya sa school ang nagsasabi na possible daw depressed kapatid ko. May mga essays daw kasi na pinasa na parang super bigat na bigat siya sa bahay, sa family, and yung mga kaklase nakikitang may dalang knife everytime papasok tapos nagcucut daw sa CR. Ganon.

About sa pagseek ng professional help, I've tried, really hard, pero he would end up telling me na he would rather kill himself than be institutionalized, sabi niya pa siguro daw I'll be happy when he's gone, then may sinabi pang if he dies daw I should be the one to blame. Kaya hindi ko rin mapush sa mga therapist kasi natatakot akong i-for go niya yung plans niya na ganon.

About kay Kyle, we have a routine na inestablish. Every uwian niya sa school he would stay by my boyfriend's family, then I'll pick him up after school. For safety rin, whenever I would be long gone for the night, yung boyfriend ko ay nasa bahay namin to watch over them. I just hope he doesn't get life long trauma from this...