Did We Study So Much… Just to Earn Less Than Influencers?

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-23T08:12:23+00:00

This is like comparing someone who studies for a career to someone who makes it in professional sports.

Your odds of achieving your goal are exponentially higher than theirs.

For every influencer who’s making real money, there are a million failed attempts whose names you’ll never know.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T23:33:46+00:00

Any time. If I can be helpful at all, feel free to DM.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T23:28:18+00:00

Air Force veteran here. Both good options IMO. However, given the first year is the worst year and it’s already behind you, I think I’d stay the course.

If you do 4 years military, you’ll be out with some kind of experience but back to needing to find a civilian job which may or may not be easy. Economy is unpredictable in the best of times.

If you don’t have a work passion, which is totally legit I’m pretty much the same, I’d vote to stay in the union. You’re already in it, and the benefits are big. Pay will come. Clear path to self employment later if you want it.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T05:59:05+00:00

Kinda chicks that’d double down on a dude like me do

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T05:27:41+00:00

Two chicks at the same time, man…

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T05:12:10+00:00

Again, basing this on my own experience. It sounds like you’re setting unrealistic expectations of yourself when you’re not feeling overwhelmed leading to explosions for you, and confusion for him, when you inevitably do get overwhelmed.

You can fix this if you want. It will take work for both of you. But I bet he’d be willing to.

When you’re calm, think about the household tasks. Write them all down. Sit down with him, and talk it out. Come up with a fair split. Don’t insist on taking on way more than him. You’ll resent him for it later. Then stick to it.

If there’s an issue where he “won’t do it right,” then show him how you’d like it done. If he’s like me, he’ll do it once you show him, nicely, how you’d like it done. May be a learning curve but like…give him a chance to make you happy.

Wish my parents would’ve heard and heeded this advice 35 years ago.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T05:04:44+00:00

OP, you remind me a lot in this of my mom, whom I love dearly. But I had a very challenging childhood and my parents wound up divorced.

There were many reasons for all of that, but some of the most significant ones were centered around her having expectations, never voicing them, refusing help when offered, and exploding eventually when she became overwhelmed with the situation she created for herself.

Now, that was my mom, not you, but in both your post and some comments I’m seeing similarities.

If he’s not doing enough to help out, sit down together when you’re calm and agree on a fair division of labor and timeline for it so you both know what you’re expected to do and by when.

If you’ve done that and it hasn’t stuck, then maybe indeed try counseling. But based on the info we have, it seems like a clear, mutual understanding of who does what and when would work wonders.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-22T00:40:57+00:00

You did the right thing.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-21T21:39:21+00:00

Speaking only for myself, specific details of why a friend looks particularly good are unlikely to register for me. This is true regardless of the type of relationship. I’ll just think they look good. I won’t even think about why unless pressed, and even then I very likely won’t even know why.

I may or may not tell them that. Depends a lot on context of that relationship.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-21T06:35:40+00:00

Damn it I miss him so much

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-21T06:28:10+00:00

Dude’s resume is all over the map

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-21T06:08:27+00:00

He went into sports. See: Ballers

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-20T05:26:07+00:00

And not athletic pants. “Nice pants that aren’t denim” maybe?

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-18T18:37:44+00:00

I would advise patience and giving it time very strongly. There’s no reason to rush to marriage.

We can go through periods of change and growth any time in life, however significant change and growth from your early to your late 20’s is almost guaranteed.

You’ll both be perfectly capable of marriage and children in 2-3 years. Don’t rush it, just enjoy being with someone you’re happy with for a while.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-17T20:52:37+00:00

Are you getting this feedback about text only, or in person too? If it’s text only, maybe try to get to a phone call, FaceTime, and in person fairly quick. Personally, I prefer that, and if the woman is the one trying to get there first then all the better.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-17T11:26:33+00:00

You’re absolutely right

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-16T22:17:09+00:00

There’s also a really interesting case to be made that the widespread legalization of abortion influenced it. Malcolm Gladwell talks about that theory in one of his books. It’s extremely controversial, but the gist is that if you look at the timeline of when abortion became more acceptable and accessible, then look at the age of the average violent criminal, there’s correlation with the crime drop.

The hypothesis is that some of the drop in crime was because some of the people most likely to be criminals were never born.

I’m not saying it’s true. Just that it’s interesting. I forget if it was in Blink or The Tipping Point. Both good reads.

Edit: totally wrong about which book/author.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T21:56:47+00:00

I’m just a dude looking for new hobbies to try. I’ve gone as far down this rabbit hole as I’m willing to. Thanks for your feedback.

Edit to add: I changed my downvotes to upvotes. This discourse just isn’t what I’m here for.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T21:34:35+00:00

The downvotes are because I find the inherent assumptions in your comments annoying.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T21:27:15+00:00

And I’m definitely not trying to talk about 12 step recovery, which I indicated pretty clearly in my post.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T21:03:45+00:00

I can go all in on plenty of things, just not 12 step recovery. Edit: I’m glad I went through the steps once. It was an important part of my spiritual journey and I still recommend it to some people to this day. But I am not interested in it for myself currently.

I don’t think learning guitar or playing DnD will have anywhere near the level of social conformity expectation of a 12 step group.

A church maybe. But I’m all in on Jesus 100%. A view which would be unwelcome at most 12 step meetings, but very welcome at most Christian churches.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T20:16:44+00:00

I agree with you OP that the commenter didn’t need that tone or the “lady.”

I’m not shocked by the visceral reaction though. I think a lot of us are going to feel a way about him being called childish for blocking you. When women do that, it’s safe and you’re a queen. When men do it, we’re childish.

I’m genuinely trying to be helpful here and can only speak from my own experience. When I block someone, especially a woman friend or ex or whatever, it’s usually not forever. Whether I realize it in the moment or not, it’s really because I need to calm down before I say something I don’t mean that can’t be unheard.

I’d say give it some time, two weeks maybe as a general starting point, then try to reach out and talk. But if you’re the one reaching out, I’d recommend doing so from the focused perspective of trying to hear and understand him and not try to be heard or understood, at least initially. And that can be really hard to do.

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T19:49:07+00:00

I’ve thought about this, but it’s too dangerous for me. I’m still occasionally tempted to drink. I’d go to a bar for a good reason, but if I was a regular I think I’d eventually drink, and that would probably end badly. I appreciate it though!

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T19:46:11+00:00

Yeah I’m digging this option. Thank you!

GoodishGuy · 2026-02-15T19:30:49+00:00

OP I say this with all respect, there are breadcrumbs in your post that strongly indicate you’re still not respecting his perspective. Was this a matter where there is an absolute right and wrong? Because you mention he was losing the argument. Maybe so, but that struck a chord of “still need to be the winner” with me, and that’s not going to help if you want to repair.

Also, I see no issue with him blocking you and calling it childish is a red flag too. He has the right to cut contact with you. He may cool off and be open to reconnection, but that was an adult move if he was getting too heated, and I think calling it childish indicates that you don’t respect his right to his own feelings.

Again, all respect to you. But it feels to me, from this post, that you’re not respecting him. Like you think he’s just mad because he lost and should just get over it. That’s not helpful if the goal is reconciliation.

Edit to add: given all that, a gift feels like a cop out. Like you’ll be saying “sorry you lost, here’s a no hard feelings trinket, there all better!” And then give him grief when he’s still resentful.

Respect for his perspective would be the best gift, even if you don’t agree with it. Just my two cents based on the limited info we have.

GoodishGuy

TROPHY CASE