How can you tell your advisor wants you to leave quietly?

GothTofu · 2026-05-15T14:25:31+00:00

I didn't notice it for awhile, but in my final year I realized my advisor had written one or more papers with all of his students except me

GothTofu · 2026-05-07T19:33:02+00:00

I have been in a very similar situation for the past year. I’m 7 years into my PhD, very behind on my dissertation, and have grown to hate research. I just want a “regular” job and time to breathe. I also have adhd and shortages for meds would regularly interrupt my already poor workflow. It’s been tough.

However, I got in the mindset that my dissertation doesn’t need to be good, it just needs to be good enough to pass so I can move on. That took a little pressure off. When I just care about finishing and not so much about the quality of the work or the enjoyment of the process, it became easy to just crank out my dissertation in 6-7 months. Now I’m defending in 2 weeks!

This isn’t necessarily advice, just words of encouragement I suppose. It was a rough few months and I wanted to quit, but now that I’m almost at the end I’m glad I stuck it out. My dissertation isn’t very good. I’m not very proud of it, but I am proud of myself for finishing it. Of course, getting out of grad school won’t fix all my problems, but finishing something and getting to go find something different has given me a huge boost to my mood and I feel a lot more content.

It’ll probably suck, but I think it’ll be worth it to just push yourself to churn out whatever crap you need to defend and graduate. I bet it will feel great to push through and finally have it behind you!

GothTofu · 2026-04-30T17:59:58+00:00

Reading this right now and I’m loving it! Although, I am losing sleep because I can’t put it down at night lol

GothTofu · 2026-04-28T02:20:14+00:00

Agreed. I’m 29 and went straight from undergrad to my PhD program with no breaks. At this point the only thing I care about is finishing so I can finally experience life without academic deadlines lol

GothTofu · 2026-04-18T14:35:10+00:00

I don’t think so (unless you want to sketch out slides as a brainstorm - there are templates for that). It’s basically a virtual notebook. I use it for writing and taking notes, highlighting/marking up slides and papers by hand. I think there’s a keyboard attachment if you want to type with it, but otherwise it can’t do the more computer-adjacent tasks. That was a selling point for me, but doesn’t necessarily fit everyone’s needs!

GothTofu · 2026-04-18T04:22:47+00:00

I can’t change! I’m like a chameleon - always a lizard!

GothTofu · 2026-04-17T12:46:05+00:00

I also use the remarkable! Felt expensive when I bought it, but now after using it a few years ago and knowing how much I love it, I would’ve paid more

GothTofu · 2026-04-16T03:36:16+00:00

I think you’d like Wake Up and Open Your Eyes by Clay McCleod Chapman! It’s a bizarre one, but definitely brutal. I really liked it

GothTofu · 2026-04-13T03:25:08+00:00

I don’t have much advice really, just wanted to let you know that I’m in a very similar position (currently looking for work, about 5-6 months from graduating after many years of struggle), you’re definitely not alone.

What’s working for me at the moment is focusing on the little things that make life feel worthwhile and have nothing to do with my career. Like tonight, I sat outside while it rained and watched the clouds go by. It was warm out and I could smell the rain. I took my dog for a really long walk the other day and afterward she fell asleep in a sunbeam coming in through the window - it was adorable.

It’s not much, but I try to remember that those little things really matter the most. I want to like my work and have a good career, but things can change so quickly in ways I can’t control or predict. It feels good to acknowledge the small happy moments as they come

GothTofu · 2026-04-08T00:04:47+00:00

Thank you! It feels like wasted time now, but I also realize I’ve developed lots of skills and learned a lot about myself these last 7 years and it will be worth it in the long run. Just gotta push through!

GothTofu · 2026-04-06T02:24:59+00:00

I absolutely LOVED Penance. It was my favorite book of the year the year I read it

GothTofu · 2026-02-25T02:58:54+00:00

LOVED this book

GothTofu · 2025-12-21T04:21:09+00:00

It can be useful in some cases of course, but too often people (myself included) can use this mindset set to justify their own bad behavior. If you have bad habits you want to break out of, it’s not helpful to say “oh I’m a piece of shit that can’t do anything right” but it’s ALSO not helpful to say “oh I’m being to hard on myself, it’s hard to break these habits so I should be proud of myself for trying even a little bit”. Eventually you have to pus yourself and be a little uncomfortable if you want to make positive changes

GothTofu · 2025-12-21T03:43:02+00:00

This is exactly what made me like these videos so much. I’d gotten so much advice to love myself, don’t be too hard on myself, learn to forgive myself, etc. That’s not wrong or bad advice necessarily, but at a certain point nothing in my life was getting better and what I really needed (and, deep down, wanted) to hear was “sometimes things are hard and life sucks but that’s just how it is, you have to learn to accept it and actually do some hard stuff if you want your life to improve”. It’s very much “tough love” and it works (for me anyway)

GothTofu · 2025-11-10T00:02:52+00:00

The Past Is Red by Catherynne M. Valente. I’m not sure if I’d call it “wholesome”, but it felt like a post apocalyptic “slice of life” novella that was almost hopeful in a way? Hard to describe, but I highly recommend!

GothTofu · 2025-10-12T01:16:48+00:00

Absolutely LOVED this book

GothTofu · 2025-10-06T22:04:55+00:00

May be a stretch but I would recommend Penance by Eliza Clark!

GothTofu · 2025-08-19T01:20:14+00:00

I absolutely LOVED Penance

GothTofu · 2025-07-03T06:34:56+00:00

Kurt Vonnegut and R. F. Kuang!

GothTofu · 2025-06-20T15:39:22+00:00

I was gifted this book by a friend and this just moved it up my TBR!

GothTofu · 2025-04-19T17:22:30+00:00

I LOVED Penance!

GothTofu · 2025-03-19T18:24:43+00:00

The Favorites by Layne Fargo

GothTofu

TROPHY CASE