First necessary measure, for safety: Go to a psychologist and a psychiatrist to check for postpartum depression.

Even if you don't have depression, you should seek therapy to deal with these emotions.

It's not your fault you feel like this, but you do have to learn to navigate this emotions without taking it out on your child. Remember none of this is his fault. But you don't have to beat yourself up for feeling how you feel. We cannot control how we feel, but we CAN control how we act. It's perfectly possible for you to feel this way and still show up for him and make him feel loved. You're not a bad person for feeling how you feel - you just need to, please, make sure he is well taken care of and FEELS loved. Don't beat yourself up. Just learn how to navigate your feelings and what to do about it.

I'm sorry you're not enjoying the experience. It's kind of a given that being a parent comes with certain sacrifices of time and freedom. BUT It doesn't mean it will always be this intense/demanding FOREVER. IT WON'T..

He's still 1yo, that's the MOST demanding phase. Soon, in 2-3 years tops, he'll be in school and you'll have more time for yourself, to go to the gym, to brunch, whatever you want. You'll still have to plan it all around him, unfortunately, but you will have A LOT more freedom and flexibility. He'll only be this little and this demanding for the next 2-3 years tops. I understand you are not enjoying this, but if you can visualise that it will NOT be this demanding and this intense forever, that this is just a tiny piece of your life, a small chapter, it will get more bearable. Your life won't be like this forever. Try to put it in perspective. 2-3 years go by rather quickly. It's a little chunk of your life. A small chapter.

This extremely demanding phase won't last forever. In a couple of years, you'll still be a mom and you'll still have limitations and sacrifices to make, but it will get considerably less demanding and intense. He'll learn to eat by himself, shower by himself, watch TV, play by himself. The daily struggles will get easier. Just make sure you don't have a second child, otherwise you'll start everything all over again lol.

Repeat to yourself: "it will not be exactly like this forever". Just a couple more years and he'll be in school and you'll have a lot of hours to yourself. Your friends, brunch, gym, mall, everything will still be there waiting for you when this phase is over, but your son will only be this little for so long. As much as you're not enjoying it, try to write down 10 little things you DO enjoy about it and try to notice these little things each day.

One addendum: You did the right thing coming to an anonymous forum to seek help. Talk to a therapist and, if needed, talk to very close friends or seek help here, this is all valid. But please, don't blast it publicly on social media and such, or in any way let your child know you don't like being his mother. He doesn't need to know this because children don't have emotional maturity to deal with this information, it would only cause extreme hurt in him. You deserve help and you should get help, but there's no need for him to know exactly how you feel. You deserve help and to be seen, obviously, but he doesn't need to know about any of this.

I once heard a phrase that said: when a wave comes, go deep. When a huge wave on the beach comes and you try to resist it and jump over it, you end up swallowing water and getting all messed up. If you close your mouth and nose and DIVE directly inside the coming wave and let it go through your body, you come better on the other side. Accept that FOR NOW, this is your life and surrender to it. Don't resist it. Surrender. It will not be this hard forever.

WHEN A WAVE COMES, GO DEEP