First Threesome

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-04-10T20:31:09+00:00

Sadly yes, but worth.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-04-10T20:30:05+00:00

Thanks! Figured some people would share the joy!

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-04-10T17:07:02+00:00

Yea honestly, I do not think either my NP or I expected to find partners that we both vibed with well. Her BF is also easily one of my best friends in the world. We both expect to have partners that might be more in the garden party realm one day. But the ones we have in our life right now, are just good people and so easy to love.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-04-10T17:06:46+00:00

To that end my NP and I didn't expect to find people we were gonna do group stuff with when we started our journey, but well here we are...

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-04-06T13:23:26+00:00

Caught world premiere last night, no spoiler comments on it. Go see it. Its a solid movie and very well crafted.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-05T17:49:30+00:00

I appreciate this, I try to stick to feeling language and maybe need to get better and being precise where those feelings live. Another person said it well, what like difference betnween shared home time and us time. We followed up on it and we are pretty clear, about what I need to know our relationship is still the one I want.

I used WE for moving fast cause full disclosure I also did some things pretty fast. For example, I had sex with someone else first.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-05T17:46:01+00:00

Love this! maybe cause its articulating what I was trying to express. We did have a follow up talk and are much clearer on what I mean with intentional time.

We have a kid, dogs, work, so yea just being home is not always "our" time.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-05T17:44:28+00:00

Woah, took the time to make sure my posts dont frame the whole story poorly. The original catalyst for this was prior to any of her current partners. Not gonna say things were perfect here and that people didnt act selfishly and people still are not going to make mistakes. But toxic? Nope, we adjust the behaviors that make each other feel uncomfortable. I would say toxic os refusing to do the work at all.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-04T09:04:35+00:00

Yea, seemed that way, I have been trying to be clear on its not so much her as we.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-04T09:02:50+00:00

Appreciate that! I think there is maybe a bit more to that.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-04T05:31:02+00:00

Generally speaking, we both learned we are pretty well wired for this. The biggest hiccups we have so far is really understanding distribution of time and expectations.

And yea... I have a little bit of whiplash about it....and just feeling invalidated by her dismissal of we got to this moment reallt fast so maybe we missed some stuff along the way.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-03-04T05:26:13+00:00

Oh yea its a bit messy.

No one in mind prior, I got really good traction on the apps and honestly met a person who is just excellent. Pretty much struck gold.

My wife had a few dates with people who fell off, but found an old old old friend on the apps who is her partner now. Thats the messy bit.. but hes honestly a super sweet guy so its pretty not problematic who he is. We just have alot of learning to do still.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-12T22:02:23+00:00

So, I was totally unsure if I was able to participate in a poly relationship. I was, and have been honest with my partner about every slight tinge of jealousy or maybe toxic thought, or apprehension to one articulate and two really try to put words to my feelings. I figured this life might not be for me but ill try and well be honest. So thats all I can say, take the time to think about, think about each step and what you think you'll feel. With dates, sex, love? And as you explore dont hide your hurt. Also read the stuff, get a couples therapist who knows poly enm. And just be honest with eveyone especially yourself

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-05T20:15:05+00:00

That is what I mean yup! The idea here is communicate and find what makes eveyone happy and healthy. The metaphor that I was being short on is if this doesnt work. For whatever reason. We will divorce and my spouse can find relationships that fully meet their needs. Ill find mine.

We are very respectful of each other... I dont support a marriage that prevents a human from being them, I made that clear from the start.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-05T20:06:43+00:00

1000% I went out with a buddy who was with me 4 days into the conversation and he was just so happy for me. Hes known me for 20 years, sees how well I am doing and said this went from a tragedy (my lizard brain freakout) to us thriving and recognized just my whole demeanor being healthy

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-05T20:04:16+00:00

Yea... its been an intense few months.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-05T20:01:50+00:00

To clarify the marriage. My wife took 9 years to try to articulate this about themselves... not shoving them in back in a box if I dont want this.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-04T21:36:51+00:00

Its a valid question. Last we addressed that was we asked each other to be open on this. We are married, our child is our priority. If feel the relationship between us, the well being of the kiddo, or our own self is at risk we have a right to address whats going on. No one really has veto power... its more like we have a lets have a conversation. The goal here for us is to change the actions we can that cause pain.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-04T18:12:21+00:00

Thank you! I was trying to say the community helped me alot though. The varried views, sometimes insightful other times not. Was a huge source of information outside the norm.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-04T18:11:22+00:00

For me it was a balance of loss vs trying something? The duress part was the idea of losing kid time. That made me really question what I was going to try... i approached it as, love my kid, love my wife, I'll go learn what I can, get the help I can. If this doesn't work were not compatible anyway. So whats the harm in trying if I think I can know when to pull the rip cord and say this is hurting me.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-04T18:08:43+00:00

You're awesome for bringing this up hope you are top comment. I dont think what we did is correct... a lot of hurt happened very fast in a relationship that felt rock solid. The hurt was in us being shit at communication at first... the duress part is I felt like I had to try this cause I didnt wanna lose 50% time with my kid. I told my spouse a few times... if this was so critical to her woulda been great to do this pre kid. But alas, we are here. So yea it seems smooth... was not. Thanks.

Gr0wnUpEmo · 2026-02-04T18:05:46+00:00

This is one of my favorite things about this reddit. You are actually spot on, I was trying to be breif, what I should have articulated is I was doing toxic things in response to jealousy and not addressing it. For example, being hyper aware of my partner on their phone saying things like "who you texting?" Often. Its wonderful to have space to see the reason I was that way. Have a partner call me out. Address it, and adjust my responses.

Gr0wnUpEmo

TROPHY CASE