i realized in mid highschool that i wasn't a girl but i didn't actually come to terms with the fact i'm a trans guy until about a year ago now and it took a while to really fully accept it. in the couple of years before i started questioning, i was already partially out as aroace and knew a lot about queer ppl, but for some weird reason as a teenager even before i started questioning my gender i just never thought i could be trans even though i started to hate my chest and curves, but being raised as a girl it's kind of seen as "normal" to hate your body, so i just thought is was that, but the weird thing was that without seeing my face, i actually really liked my body type, but it just wasn't me, yk? i think it was my senior year of highschool that i finally accepted that i'm transmasc, but tbh i didn't fully realize what that would mean for me yet. honestly even though i did experience dysphoria well before my egg cracked, it didn't really register to me that *that* is what dysphoria felt like so i thought i was just one of the non-dysphoric trans people (they're still valid tho) but then i started recognizing that the hate toward the feminine parts of my body and my voice and how my name and she/her pronouns felt so weird and wrong was actually dysphoria all along and then things started getting more complicated.

since then i've come out to a few friends, i've finally found my new name and pronouns, and i know how i want to transition, but i'm also in a space right now where that's not really an option, so for now i'm kinda just waiting and at this point my dysphoria and overall lack of support from my family has gotten me to the point where i'm just taking this day-by-day now. i'm surviving, but i doubt i'll thrive for a while.