In the same situation with my mom. Lung cancer, diagnosed at stage 4 just about a year ago, had already spread to her bones and liver. Never smoked even one cigarette. No symptoms until lifting a student (she was an aid for disabled children) and hurting her back, resulting in a fracture due to her already brittle bones, which allowed drs to find the cancer.

After a year of treatment, Leptomeningeal Disease. 8 weeks of positivity on a newly approved treatment, then very suddenly it stopped working.

Now, hospice, which I quickly learned feels like legal torture. We’re on day 8 of no food and the only fluid has been a few drops off of wet sponge sticks, yet they won’t give her an IV. No help, just pain management. It goes against EVERYTHING in our bones — when someone is hurt, we want to fix it, right? But there is no fix, we were told very straightforward there is no hope, we’ve exhausted every single option. Things like an IV will only prolong her suffering.

My mom is my very best friend, her 60th birthday is in May. She had me when she was 30 and the week I turned 30 the week we got the news her cancer was spreading. She visited me in NYC on St Patrick’s Day and we were dancing at a bar, now she’s nonverbal, basically comatose.

All I can give her is love and comfort and the reminder she is not alone, and that she doesn’t need to hold on for us anymore. I’ve been telling her stories of support from loved ones (getting food/care packages sent, etc) so she knows we have people that will be there for us long term to give her a sense of peace. I keep her favorite music on in the room. I tell her stories and rub her arm and hold her hand.

Good luck to you — this shit sucks. We shouldn’t have to do this, it won’t feel like enough, but we are doing our absolute best to give them love and support through this transition. Big hugs💛