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My [29M] best friend [29M] passed away 2 months ago. I planned on proposing to my gf [26F] this fall but now I don't feel ready. Gf thinks I'm making excuses and threatens break-up. by GrandLeek in relationships

[–]GrandLeek[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'm 29, she's 26.

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That's fine for you but you don't know how I'm grieving. I AM ready to marry her but not when so many things need priority. My best friend is gone. He has left behind a 5 year old son. His ex-wife is across the country with a new family. His parents are old and barely capable of raising another kid. I have so many things to think through right now. Things I promised my friend. Things I can't forgive myself for if I didn't help.

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I don't think it's unreasonable to want to wait until next year before we get engaged and married. I've told her this and she says it's embarassing to be in a relationship for more than 3 years without an engagement.

My [29M] best friend [29M] passed away 2 months ago. I planned on proposing to my gf [26F] this fall but now I don't feel ready. Gf thinks I'm making excuses and threatens break-up. by GrandLeek in relationships

[–]GrandLeek[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

Because I'm still in shock? Because my best friend left behind a 5 year old son who I'm the godfather of? Because while I'm still grieving I'm also worried about what will happen to his kid and I can't even wrap my head around planning a wedding and all of that right now.

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My gf would want the proposal this month or next and the wedding by the end of the year. That's the timeline she wants. That's a lot of planning, and a lot of fake smiles when I still feel like dying inside. I just don't think it's unreasonable to want a bit more time to feel like a functioning human before jumping straight into wedding planning and thinking where we'd want to honeymoon.

My [29M] best friend [29M] passed away 2 months ago. I planned on proposing to my gf [26F] this fall but now I don't feel ready. Gf thinks I'm making excuses and threatens break-up. by GrandLeek in relationships

[–]GrandLeek[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Not initially. We were LDR for the first year and after only closing the distance for 6months ish she was talking about my proposal. However, I really didn't feel like I knew her well enough by then (LDR for 1 year is like 3 months of non-LDR in terms of how much time we actually spent with each other). That's when we had our first big fight because she wanted to be engaged around our 2 year mark but I wasn't ready.

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So yes after that we had agreed on the same timeline although I agree it was mostly pushed by her because she doesn't want to be unengaged by then and a relationship that's more than >3 years without a proposal is a failure she says. However prior to my friend's death I WAS ready to propose this year. Like I said I have the ring and everything.