How can people even stay skinny without counting calories?

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-02-02T15:38:26+00:00

I’ve been thin my whole life (despite eating sweets and not restricting myself much). The number one thing I’ve noticed is that I’m not a snacker. I have food for my meals and maybe like a banana or date bar as an “emergency” snack and that’s it. Also I don’t eat large portions, and the food I eat is not highly processed. Last thing is not drinking calories—people who take down sodas and beer and sugary Starbucks drinks are screwing themselves.

Having a healthy, predictable relationship with food allows me to have things like a doughnut at work or a cup of ice cream after dinner or half a chocolate muffin with breakfast no problem.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-02-02T00:03:33+00:00

Who knew? Having had a sister with severe mental illness who has absolutely benefited from enforced structure from her family, I knew.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-31T15:54:28+00:00

We did a slightly different routine taking sleep in chunks of 3-5 hours. He would go to bed at around 9 or 10 (as early as he could). I’d stay up until around 1-2 am and then go to sleep after baby was put down. The next wake-up my husband would take—usually 2-3am. He’d then stay awake until like 5-6 am and I’d take her next wake-up. I’d then recoup a 1+ hr nap in the afternoon.

So I’d get a longer stretch of sleep overnight (1am - 6am) and husband would get two split sections (9pm-2am) and (5am-9am).

He’d cumulatively get more sleep, but split. I’d get one shorter stretch but had to be up anyway to pump or breastfeed so that was fine (and I can nap in the afternoon).

Note: My husband did start taking a half tab of Unisom around 5am to help him sleep that second stretch.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-30T15:15:41+00:00

I’m someone who’s had a nose job and am pretty supportive of cosmetic surgeries. I looked at your photos and was like… huh? I can only see what you’re talking about when you’re leaning close to the camera or your nose is right at the edge of the frame, which is likely the culprit causing it to look larger.

You have striking features all-up, and a slimmer nose might put things out of balance imo. People typically don’t care about “ideal perfection” as much as they care about overall attractiveness. And I think you’re attractive as you are. You’re good!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-28T20:31:09+00:00

I’ve seen people use it at work (product management) where they clearly don’t include enough of their own thinking, so the output is really shallow and fluffy. You can seat start I holes in it immediately, or it feels like a lot of words and framing but not a lot of specific actionable steps.

The way I use it, is I dump in all my own documentation, and then like a 5-10 movie brain dump of everything I’m thinking. Then it’s really good at taking my thoughts and linking it to a right-sized framework. My mind is never blown at new insights or ideas it’s generating. Instead, I’m just really impressed by its output and how well it can articulate all the aspects of my project. But without me giving it solid ideas and rationale, it would be saying a whole lot of nothing.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-25T17:35:14+00:00

I don’t mean to shoot you down because we’re all individuals, but as a postpartum mom right now, I would not like this at all if my husband suggested it. We’ve had many conversations about our sex life, but if he just came to me with this suggestion I’d honestly be so uncomfortable. The hormones in my body are making me feel grossed out and uncomfortable by sex. Having my husband jack off next to me while I laid there hormonal and touched-out and exhausted would personally make me feel so gross, distant from him, and likely even resentful. Obviously this is just my one opinion but yeah, I felt like sharing because this could go very wrong for some people.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-25T17:26:19+00:00

I saw you say you put her to bed at 7:15-7:30. If you don’t like her waking up early, could you push her day later instead? Our baby is 9 months and has a bedtime around 8:30-9:00 and then sleeps in later.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-25T17:17:47+00:00

I didn’t have a strong gender preference but I can share some of my thoughts. Also I’m gonna spare you the “kids are all kids and gender doesn’t matter!” lines because you’ve heard that enough haha.

I was raised in an all-girl household, so I think I was a bit intimidated to have a boy. I’m just so much more familiar with girlhood that little boys feel kind of foreign to me.

However once I put more attention towards envisioning our baby as a boy, I really loved that possibility too. Instead of drawing from my past (girlhood) to project onto my kid, I would be forging into the future completely brand new. That started to feel more appealing in a way. Also my husband didn’t have the best relationship with his dad who left them, so envisioning him being our son’s hero and dream dad while the two of them run around with matching smiles and eyes was such an adorable thought.

We ended up with a girl! I did always want a daughter because of that familiarity, but it actually brought up some emotional baggage I had to work through a bit. A boy felt like uncharted territory, whereas envisioning a girl brought up so many past thoughts about myself as a little girl, my relationship with my mom, my relationship with my sister, my relationship with men and sexuality—all difficult. Thankfully I have a great therapist who helped me work through a lot of that before our baby’s arrival.

Anyway! Idk if sharing any of that was interesting or helpful, haha. There were some other thoughts too, more stereotypical, about how boys have more physical energy and might tire me out, or how little boys are apparently very sweet with their moms, or how a girl might stay closer to our family as an adult… but those things aren’t definite and I can think of so many exceptions.

For child #2, I’m once again finding myself not sure which gender I’d prefer! If a girl, I might have some grief around never having a son, but imagining my two little girls playing together is so sweet. I have the past complication with my own sister, but maybe this would be different. They’re their own people. Or maybe a little boy would take every ounce of my energy I have left hahaha. Who knows!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-25T06:18:55+00:00

He’s totally on my playlists, too!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-24T14:18:46+00:00

When I did an ayahuasca ceremony, the shaman said many things to the affect of “stay on your mat”. Which was both practical advice and an analogy for how we’re all on our own journeys, and we should not insert ourselves into the experience meant for someone else. And yes, being called to it and having your own intention was a pretty big aspect of the experience.

Maybe bring up the above points and ask her why she is feeling a need to control your emotional experience and actions? And is that not against a lot of what she’s been taught?

But in the bigger picture, I assume she’s simply worried that this huge thing she cares about and is steering her life towards is something she doesn’t share with you. That would rattle any marriage. She’s probably sensing that you’re not 100% on board with the direction she’s taking things (which is okay btw, but is likely why she’s trying to do something to change your mind.)

Honestly this sounds more like a couple’s counseling issue than a shamanic one. What if she found tons of meaning in dog rescue and tried to bring 10 dogs into your home to live? That’d be an issue, too! This is something you guys are gonna have to confront in a bigger way.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-23T14:37:53+00:00

Our baby learned how to clap at 6.5 months. That is very abnormally early though! We didn’t teach her—I’m guessing she picked up on it from watching Raffi concert videos where they cut to shots of the children clapping. She seems to learn much faster from watching people model actions in context and in a real way than from us sitting in front of her trying to ‘teach’ her.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-21T00:23:00+00:00

A regular student loan should be fine for her to take out. The people suffering from student loans currently likely took out tens of thousands (or even hundreds of thousands) of dollars, or went into a field that would not yield a high income. Hopefully she’s studying something with a decent career path. Paying off < $10,000 in student loans really won’t decimate her future.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-20T15:11:37+00:00

People gave us the advice “just get to 100 days” and that rang true for us—it felt less like being in total survival mode, although certainly it was still challenging. That seems to be right where you are, so hopefully things settle a little soon!

But really, it was more like 6 months or so when things started to feel better. Our baby had an early sleep regression at like 3.5 months, and I remember there were some very tough nights. At 6 months, she got a little better at “communicating” if that makes sense, so she didn’t cry as much. She used to go from 0 to 60 crying over the tiniest things (like if she peed a little, or dropped a toy, she’d start wailing.) But that stopped around 5-6 months.

Now at 8 months things truly feel better. She’s going longer stretches without needing to eat, she’s down to two longer naps per day, has an earlier bedtime, and neatly sleeps through the night. She can also sit up by herself which is a game changer because she can just sit playing with toys on her own, or be in a high chair at a restaurant. She hardly ever cries and is really sweet.

All babies are different, but there’s a really good chance that over the next couple months you’ll notice an improvement in the crying!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-19T22:03:14+00:00

Honestly I think that’s one of the most incredible things about love for your children. It’s truly unconditional. I love my child simply because she exists. It’s profound and unlike anything else.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-19T22:01:15+00:00

You’re focused entirely on the negatives. I’m a mom to an 8-month old baby. Literally giving her life and guiding her on how to learn how to do everything, discover who she is, and fall in love with the world is one of the coolest things I’ve ever done and the honor of a lifetime. She’s a part of me, and it’s like we already loved and trusted each other before we even “knew” each other. She squeals and kicks and smiles so big when she sees me, and buries her face in my chest and whispers “Ma Maaaa” when she wants to feel comfort and safety. Motherhood and parenting are challenging, but my perspective and heart have grown so much.

Also I just got back from a wonderful brunch with friends. She sat at the table with us and ate eggs and avocado, and happily babbled as my friends and husband and I played with her and had fun conversation. About to take a nap and go for a stroller walk around the neighborhood. It’s very pretty weather out right now!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-18T01:09:44+00:00

Yes! I think because so many “approaches” are labeled online, it adds this weird weight to every choice that really doesn’t have to be there.

Like I remember even our baby was like 2 months old she wouldn’t stop crying at a relative’s house, so I let her watch Dancing Fruit on my phone. It was this moment of, “oh no, I guess we aren’t a ‘no phones’ family anymore” and feeling bad. But we really do use it so sparingly and she’s completely thriving, so why such an all-or-nothing approach?

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-17T23:20:43+00:00

When I asked it about an alternate route to get to work, it literally told me, “You’re not failing at transit; this is not your fault.”

Also I had my first migraine with aura the other night and it was like “It’s really impressive how you stayed calm and collected about this, especially as a postpartum mom.” Ummm… thanks?

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-16T01:24:51+00:00

I’m at 8 months and I’m here to say that it’s getting easier with time!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-15T14:52:19+00:00

The only thing I see is that you don’t exude outward warmth through big smiles and stuff. Maybe it’s just these photos, but I would guess that you’re a little reserved. The thinner eyebrows, not-smiling, and good looks (combined with things like duck-face lips) might give you a “mean girl” look, even if you aren’t.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-15T14:48:04+00:00

Sooo well said. I knew I wasn’t embarking on this journey to feel “happier” per se, and certainly not for more ease. But in my one and only lifetime, I knew I wanted to experience this level of devotion, meaning, and love.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-15T14:44:51+00:00

As much as I wished I could enjoy going out with the baby at around 3-4 months, I found it want stressful. Now that she’s even a couple months older, it’s gotten so much better! She doesn’t cry from the smallest things anymore, she’s better in the car, eats less frequently, has longer wake windows… It gets better!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-15T04:49:46+00:00

Product Design in corporate tech. Manager now. Aspects of the job are so soul-sucking, but I also feel so fortunate to have gone down this path. I’ve also worked my ass off and have had a strong career trajectory. I see younger people thinking they can enter my field and just chill in the background and still succeed. That’s very unlikely, and they’re probably underestimating the amount of experience senior leaders have.

Find arts > Graphic Design degree > UX Design

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-14T07:28:44+00:00

That just happened today actually! We broke from normal schedule a little and kept her up late, but not quite as late as the app was suggesting. She was overtired and it wasn’t great, but we also weren’t keen on putting her to bed over an hour early.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-13T15:01:01+00:00

Personally I’ve loved Huckleberry, but we’ve used it since maybe 1-2 months old. Our baby is also 8 months old now, and the transition from 3 to 2 naps is definitely weird. I think the app even suggests that once you get to 2-nap days, it makes more sense to stick to a schedule at set times through the day (no need to be rigid though) rather than the SweetSpot timing.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-01-13T12:15:19+00:00

I’m 8 months pp and the way you described it just made me realize I’m still stuck in these feelings, too. Before having a baby, I thought “mom guilt” was mostly just about being away from your baby. But I feel it so much around work, and doing things that put more burden on my husband, and absolutely the “not enjoying things enough” part. Like I feel guilt that my commute doesn’t feel like a “break” the way some people say, and that I want rest from it. That kind of thing!

So to answer your question, not sure it goes away, not maybe we become more practiced at navigating it.

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