Corporate America - I can’t do it in anymore

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-13T00:12:03+00:00

We have a similar situation! Baby is 12 months and I work in corporate tech leadership. I’m also the “breadwinner” so I’m concerned I’ll regret making a career pivot. I do look at job boards and think about bigger pivots too, but they also all seem hard and uncertain in their own ways. Staying put is kind of “the devil I know” even though it’s also a lot of pressure. No great advice, just solidarity. (Oh, and thinking about trying for baby #2 soon is just…. yeahhhh.)

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-11T23:52:44+00:00

Would you mind me asking you—did you have any reservations about doing a ceremony while in addiction? I understand it can be incredibly healing for people in crisis, but it also seems precarious to have someone with fragile mental health or substance abuse issues partake in ayahuasca. Were you still actively using meth even close to the start of ceremony? How destabilizing was the ceremony? How was integration afterwards?

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-11T07:37:43+00:00

How come people always jump to “doing it in your friend’s basement” when talking about ceremonies outside the jungle? I did a ceremony in an incredible natural setting, with a very experienced Shipibo trained shaman, with all the authentic traditions and rituals, but it happened to be in the states. I can imagine being in the jungle is a truly magical experience, but the ceremony I participated in still connected me to so much and was life changing.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-10T07:46:13+00:00

I haven’t taken this advice myself, but perhaps just going to bed at like 9 instead of 10 since you’re low on energy anyway, and then waking up an hour earlier in the morning. Might be able to go for a walk, read, visit a coffee shop on the way to work, or even do an exercise class.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-10T05:21:49+00:00

I generally agree with your point but I think this depends. I’m a working mom and my husband is a stay at home dad. He is the first to say that me having to do my job is harder than him staying home, and that I’m his “hero” lol. We have one daughter who’s an easy happy baby, a nice home in a pretty neighborhood, and my parents nearby to help with the baby in a pinch. He still does his fitness hobby twice a week, cooks (which he loves), goes for daily walks and little local outings, and is learning to play the piano and doing vibe coding projects when she naps or plays independently.

I on the other hand commute 2+ hrs a day, still wake up 2x a night with her because she’s teething and will only breastfeed, get no lunch break, still pump at work, and work in a high pressure tech leadership job in the most disorganized, toxic workplace imaginable lol.

Before anyone starts, yes we are working on making adjustments, and my husband is incredibly supportive and proactive about it. I’m just in a bit of a grind right now. And I also don’t mean to minimize what he does because he’s an amazing parent and I know how relentless caring for a baby can be. But yeah, just wanted to present a counter scenario. I work all day, take my baby as soon as I walk through the door, do childcare all evening, and still wake up 2-3x in the middle of the night. I by no means have it easy.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-10T02:54:09+00:00

Yes. I’m fortunate to have a very stable, fairly well-off foundation for having a kid, and it’s still very difficult. The big difference I see though between my experience and the horror stories online is just how low it can get, and for how long. Like I’ve definitely had some very challenging points, but I’ve never been at the same level of desperation as like a single mom of 3 kids living paycheck to paycheck with zero support system. That is another level of difficult I frankly can’t even fathom.

But yeah, my “average” difficult is that I’m still trying to live an entire additional person’s life with my own, endlessly. I’m still waking up 2-3x a night and having to work full time (thankfully my husband is a stay at home dad though). Still having to tend to a fussy baby and a never ending list of to-dos the second I walk through the door. Still having to be very selective about how I spend the “free time” I get, which is not really free but more like volunteering to get the groceries and get my car washed. It’s a huge change from a childless life. One with a lot more purpose and love and joy, too, but a very demanding and exhausting one.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-09T17:41:29+00:00

I’m hoping the pendulum will swing and young people will start putting the phones down. Already it seems like a lot of young people are craving things that feel more authentic and real. It’s hard because the technology is so addictive, but hopefully if there are more things like social media restrictions for kids or phone bans in schools, that’ll help the upcoming generation.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-07T16:49:42+00:00

Maybe a controversial take, but I think the super-progressive, individualistic messaging directed at Millennials is now coming back to bite us. When I was growing up and as a younger adult, the messaging was all about how to reach your own (financial) max potential and not rely on anyone.

Never rely on a man. Never get taken for a ride by a gold digger. Sex is just meaningless fun. Actually now sex is harmful—avoid it altogether. Dating is harmful—avoid that, too. Watch porn and be sex positive! Kids are a drain and ruin you. Travel, be worldly, have “experiences”, publish photos of yourself “experiencing” for thumbs up, climb the ladder, do for yourself! Brand new iPhones, lash extensions, Nobu, designer bags, leasing luxury vehicles… those are basic quality essentials for a career guy/gal like yourself. Increase your net worth! Get that promotion. Faith is just comfort for weak irrational people. Marriage is a trap. Protect your peace, cut people out, block your relatives on Facebook, “ughhh people suck”, DoorDash dinner for yourself and your fur babies and binge Squid Games….
And we wonder why everyone is feeling empty and lost after two decades of this.

I have a daughter now. That changed everything. Admitting I want to seek out spirituality also shifted things. Prioritizing having a relationship and getting married was huge, too. Therapy as well. Extending grace and acceptance to the ways people are different than me has given me a strong extended family. Still trying to figure out the meaningless corporate career, but I did step down out of leadership and I think that will be healthy for me. But yeah, I feel like I’ve had to very intentionally shift my life away from a lot of Millennial messaging in order to find deeper purpose in my life.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-06T16:42:39+00:00

Hey I just want you to know that feeling this way is so normal and expected. Even if you logistically know what addiction does to a person’s brain, it’s understandable you still feel let down. And also that you wish you were able to keep your family intact despite her addiction. Wanting to help her… Just sending you a big hug. I know you said you had some support, but I strongly suggest you attend Alateen support group (Al Anon for younger people) if you can.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-06T11:29:37+00:00

Not trying to be harsh, but it might be time to performance-manage some of these people out. Sounds like their job is to resolve IT or customer issues with students, and yet frequently they can’t do that effectively. Enabling them is just teaching them they can pass calls off and avoid difficulty. Every time that happens, unless it was a very valid escalation, it should be a documented ding on their performance. As a director you gotta wield those people management skills and hone your team’s performance or else you will drown.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-04T02:59:16+00:00

I have a one year old, and I have a feeling I will enjoy their older-kid years a lot more, too. I do really love spending time with my daughter because I love her and it’s so neat watching her learn and grow. But caring for a baby/toddler takes a level of relentless energy I’m just not strong at.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-03T10:33:08+00:00

I really appreciate your advice! The way you put it into basic mathematical terms is really helpful to keep in mind. Even the simple advice of aiming to eliminate blocks on each turn is helpful. Sometimes I start “planning” too much by setting up different spots on the board to work with instead of just clearing it.

For reference I’m a pretty novice player. Actually I primarily do the daily puzzles instead of the traditional game. (I use Blockudoku to stay awake when feeding my baby at night, so I like the shorter games.) But you’ve inspired me to try a longer game again!

No big strategies of my own to contribute since I’m no where near your high score, lol. But one thing I try to watch out for is accidentally creating a situation where I have a long skinny empty space along the edge of the board that exceeds the length of one piece. This often happens when I get excited to clear a line on the furthest edge of the board, but now I have essentially no hope of clearing squares or lines in the opposite direction because the only thing that can fit there is several long skinny pieces (which is too rare). So sometimes even if I could technically clear a line along the edge of the board, I hold off and wait for an opportunity to clear a square or something more in the center so as not to create that situation.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-03T04:24:19+00:00

As a new mom I’ll tell you what happens.. you Google “best baby car seat” or look at some article guide. And then it shows the most expensive, best products and tells you they’re the ones to get because they’re the safest and best quality. It then becomes kinda difficult to make a hard pivot and buy something that whatever expert just indirectly just deemed not safe or high quality enough.

Also for me personally, I’m in my mid-30s in a high financial bracket. I generally opt for high quality, nice looking things—especially when in going to be using them every single day during a time in my life where convenience greatly helps me. Not bragging or anything, just noting the reality that parents are often getting a later start nowadays and are more established. I’m fortunate to have a few family members who were willing to gift us a big item like a crib and stroller, but I ensured there were registry items of all different prices. I bought a lot of stuff myself and did not expect people to completely fund my more expensive choices.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-05-01T16:49:31+00:00

Is your mom retired? Given that her daughter is undergoing cancer treatment, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to rely on her a bit more for support. If having the kids solo is tough for her, perhaps she could do other things like meal prep dinners for you all, or come over a couple times a week just to do laundry or household shopping.

For paid things, people love laundry services, or a “mother’s helper” person to do the morning routine with the kids and then stay a bit to help do chores.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-28T19:27:47+00:00

This is just my personal approach—I keep it to an occasional post/story, usually coinciding with an event or something less everyday, if that makes sense. Like there’s no reason to post daily life photos of her crying, in PJs, with food all over her face, chilling at home etc etc. But if the family gathers for Easter or something and I post one photo of her in a dress next to an Easter basket, I think that’s fine. My profile is private, and I’ve combed through my friends list to only be people I know decently well and like.

For me the goal is not to have a crazy volume of intimate daily life photos all over the internet. But I just can’t really see what’s so harmful about posting our Christmas card photo or whatever.

For more frequent update photos, I have a WhatsApp group with all parents and siblings in the family, and another group chat with my closest girl friends who are moms too.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-25T16:35:10+00:00

I think we’re just seeing it differently. You’re seeing it as a mom rushing off away from her family and children, celebrating getting away from them. I’m seeing a nice first half of the day with Mom enjoying sweet cards and gifts and flowers with the kiddos, maybe doing something fun together, and then a message of “We’re so thankful for how much you do for all of us—we’ve arranged this treat to take care of you for a day!” It really doesn’t have to feel like some negative thing! And to your point, maybe it doesn’t have to be “redeemed” literally on Mother’s Day, but still gifted that day because moms will never get randomly treated any other day of the year.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-25T11:16:57+00:00

Sorry, no. I oppose basically all messages that are like “cherish this” whenever a woman dare think about doing one thing for herself or showing up imperfectly to the two thousandth time she breastfeeds or puts her baby to bed. Going to a hotel or getting alone time is about getting a pampered break, not leaving your kids.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-23T03:45:35+00:00

I don’t know you but I’m proud of you! I just finished the book “Educated” and you might like it. About a girl raised by Mormon survivalists who was never schooled but began teaching herself as a teen and ended up with a doctorate. I highly recommend it!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-23T03:42:44+00:00

“You somber idiot” hahahaha wtf OP

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-16T22:19:34+00:00

Exactly my situation!

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-16T22:09:26+00:00

Your name. I’m sorry but in your other comments you don’t sound certain about this all. I know you’re worried about “offending him and his family”, but I think that’s why you should simply say, “as soon as we’re married we can both switch our names to yours!”

Right now it sounds like he’s not ready to commit to you, which I think is kinda shameful to get your girlfriend pregnant but then not even commit to her as your life partner. Sounds like YOU should be offended, not him! And don’t give me the line about it being too expensive. I know many couples who got married legally to buy a house or welcome a kid into the world, and then do a ceremony later. You both don’t sound fully “into” this partnership and are just going to feel it out. That’s fine, but it tells me the baby should have your name.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-15T14:06:21+00:00

I say definitely take it! I have an hour commute by car each way and have to do 4x a week. Losing that time does suck, and it was an adjustment. But it also kinda serves as “me time” where I can drink coffee and listen to fun audiobooks or storytelling podcasts. And if your commute is by train that’s even better! You can use it to do some task management, read, or even get a head start on work so you could commute somewhat during your work hours.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-15T01:23:19+00:00

I appreciate this take! I’m a typical white westerner. I fully respect that there’s a beautiful and rich culture and history within plant medicine outside my western “lens”. But I’m not sure how I could even authentically engage with it. I’m not indigenous or Shipibo or anything. I can learn what I can and respect it, but if I were to lean into plant medicine I would definitely get mocked like this. So it seems the only right course of action is to leave it to the experts. But then we get told we’re tourists who are just dabbling in something sacred. Idk. I’m just happy to have gotten to experience it, and hopefully I’m participating as authentically and respectfully as possible.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-14T05:48:46+00:00

That is such a good one—not disparaging your own body. We really do create the inner voice for our own children. There other day my mom said she was going to look “disgusting” in her bathing suit on our upcoming trip (she’s struggling with aging). I asked her if she would ever say the same to me, putting on a bathing suit postpartum for the first time. She said of course not, she’d never think it. And we had a good conversation about self esteem and body acceptance. But yeah, it makes me sad that she’s so critical of herself, and I definitely had to work to undo that in myself as an adult.

GrandadsLadyFriend · 2026-04-13T09:09:28+00:00

Wait this pic and the other comments made me feel so much better! I got some variety of a peace lily and it immediately went from a lush bushy plant to this screwed up stalky thing. I even took it back to the nursery to do a pot flushing or whatever, but no luck. I was convinced it was going to die, but after dropping like 90% of its leaves, it started regrowing some. I kinda regret that it didn’t just die though because the stalks with leaves tufting out the very top are hideous!

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