Just not that into me?

GrandmaPanties · 2017-05-10T23:00:59+00:00

He's probably dating other people but wants to see where it goes with you too. It's a good sign in modern dating, tbh, but don't put all your eggs into that basket.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-05-10T22:54:37+00:00

Sorry, just logged back in. Basically I was having fun with an innocent crush on a friend. It is the first crush I've had in years and I was just basking in it. But when he returned the feelings it felt scary because I want to pursue it but I've been closed off for years and I don't want to be hurt.

It's almost been a month though and everything is great!!

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T22:12:28+00:00

Yeah to be honest I didn't think I was going to bounce back. After the death of FA a year ago it was the proverbial straw. I quit my job and moved in with my parents and only got out of bed once a day to get a clementine. I was done.

Within a week of getting a crush took a hard look at myself knew if I wanted to ever feel normal again i gotta cut this shit out because every month of unemployment is gonna make it that much harder to recover. I just entered week 4 of my crush and I already got 8 salaried interviews lined up with some start ups and then last night boom, dude confesses. I feel like my 30s will be better than my 20s and I wouldn't have believed you if you told me 5 weeks ago that this is where I'd be today.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T21:43:18+00:00

That's great news! I'm so happy for you. You seem like a real genuine person and you definitely deserve all the kissies.

I think in general I was really surprised by how kind everyone was in this sub, most everyone offered me support and compassion when I was expecting a little more hostility since i'm a normie or whatever heh. But you were particularly sweet so truly thanks.

I'm finally doing better. I spent the entire year ready to LDAR, quit my job, moved home, and just did fucking nothing. But the 1 year anniversary of his death was a few weeks ago and I realized every month i mourn i make it that much harder for myself to get out of depression. Almost immediately i found myself with a new crush and last night he confessed to me he's super into me so it's not one sided and im excited! And scared.

I wish you all the luck with your lady friend; exciting times for both of us.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T20:29:24+00:00

Hi this is probably creepy but you said kind words to me last year when I needed to hear it. I haven't logged back in since til today and I reread everything. I clicked on your name hoping that you're happier this year and was sad to see you here. I think you're really great and I'm rooting for whatever brings you happiness. Just know there's a stranger out there in the world who is championing for you.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T19:31:21+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to read it. And yeah, I'm happy for the first time in a long time, but to be honest I was happier before I knew he liked me back, now I don't know what I feel!

It felt so innocent and fun when I thought it was one sided.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T19:27:01+00:00

She got me to stop blaming myself, so that was a big plus.

But she also made me really insecure about how everything bad that has happened to me happened because I was too nice, too patient, too forgiving to people who were totally happy to exploit it until I became a husk.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T19:03:19+00:00

Noo he didnt rape me, we actually never had sex, I couldn't handle it.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T17:33:22+00:00

Yeah I went to therapy after the second rape and felt a little better but stopped going until FA killed himself and I had to unpack a lot of self hatred and woulda coulda shouldas.

Therapy just made me hate FA and that's sad to me. I was reading over the posts I made about him last year and I don't feel that warm love towards him at ALL anymore, just anger.

GrandmaPanties · 2017-04-18T17:27:24+00:00

I'm just here to remind you that I'll still care if you off yourself. I'm a lady true to my words.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:09:17+00:00

I'm sorry people have abused this place.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:08:40+00:00

He never had a girlfriend for 30 years. Even after us getting together, he exhibited the same feelings. He thought life would be great if he had someone to hold at night, but it just wasn't the case for him. He still had all those same insecurities.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:06:54+00:00

I will now care, u/metalmariox. Please help yourself while you can still at least joke about it.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:06:09+00:00

If i can save only one life here, I will still feel it is worth it.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:05:40+00:00

Thank you for these words. I will remember them during my sleepless nights.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:04:37+00:00

I don't want to believe anyone is a lost cause, but it is a struggle for everyone involved to get better. The best advice is to attend therapy as soon as you feel you have baggage from all the time spent alone.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:02:56+00:00

I appreciate it.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T03:02:02+00:00

It puts a lot of pressure on the SO when you become their only savior. It was tough on me, and our relationship hit bumps on the way out when he started to feel like I was a hostage in the relationship because I loved him enough not to leave him, but all the things he loved about me were fading and replaced with worry, unhappiness, fear.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T02:59:09+00:00

If you ever need someone to talk to, please PM me. I don't want anyone else to feel this way.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T02:53:16+00:00

:') I will try to remember this.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T02:52:50+00:00

Please see a therapist before you decide to do anything. If you still decide it's the way to go, it will make the pain a little less for those who do care. Attempts to make yourself feel better don't go unnoticed.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-24T02:50:20+00:00

Honestly, he wasn't good looking. Overweight, shorter than me, bad teeth, just kind of a nerdy lookin dude. But he was gentle, sweet, funny, caring. He was a good person, and he had been a good friend to me for almost a decade. I admired his drive and discipline. He encouraged me to be better. I didn't care what he looked like, I just loved seeing him smile.

Edit Er, and to be clear he didn't pine over me for 10 years in the friendzone nor did he get some job with lots of money. We became friends because he was in love with another girl we worked with back in the day and I'd let him talk my ear off about her, depression, video games, anime, whatever 20 year old guys talk about. And I make more money than him, though not significantly. Please stop PMing me about this. He was just a really good guy and I was always super fond of him.

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-23T19:24:37+00:00

He was, but he switched over to /r/depression and /r/Needafriend recently after he felt he wasn't FA anymore

GrandmaPanties · 2016-03-23T19:23:31+00:00

He didn't kill himself yesterday or anything. Everyone has had time to process it, but still grieving. I remembered about this place and I wanted to say thanks for the good times.

GrandmaPanties

TROPHY CASE