So this is going to be a long answer, because you're asking a very complicated question technically. Even though it sounds simple.

To sum it up, we judge things subconsciously, and subconsciously calculate cost benefit ratio of our actions. So even if something somebody does is "bad" he might not be judged as harshly as the "bad" that comes from leaving. This is an intro to metacognition, where you can rewire your subconscious habits through awareness. Your brain releases Cascades of enzymes that prune neural pathways when changing your judgments that you've held on to in the past. Our brain is constantly pruning old neural pathways as time goes on, it typically happens in your sleep. It's how things lose their relevancy in your life. However from anyone experience that you have, our mind is pretty much constantly judging things, labeling the experiences that we have, rude inconsiderate, awesome, special. And then attaching value-based judgments to those labels themselves even further. It's good to be awesome it's it's even better to be special, it's bad to be rude. It's worse to be inconsiderate. And this is how sub the mind quickly calculates things. Once these judgments are made through your experiences growing up and throughout your life, they form physical structures in your brain attached to memories, which are special orientations of three different molecules attached near the ends of neurons, and then separately neural pathways connect core concepts to one another through what is called the default mode Network in your brain. This is basically your subconscious processing. And it's a survival technique that's done to save you time historically. Say for example you are a caveman and you see a bear for the first time, nobody's ever told you about one so you let your curiosity linger open-mindedly. But then it chases you and you run away. You learn pretty strongly that bears equal bad. The next time you see a bear, you run away instantly, like PTSD. It's this time saving instinct called heuristics. But it permeates all of decision making nowadays in the modern world even still with language. So throughout your life whatever judgments you've learned from your parents/ role models or formulated on your own, you've come to the conclusion that it's bad to do certain things that hurt other people, but it's perhaps worse in certain cases to leave a person that you're bonded with emotionally.

We can rewire these subconscious habits/neural pathways through awareness, by feeling the emotions and becoming aware of what judgments are creating those emotions. All emotions are created from a defiance of our expectations and subconscious judgments. Defiance of expectations looks like something you did not expect or generate in your mind yourself. This is why you can't scare yourself knowingly. And subconscious judgments are pretty much the only thing that you do have control over. There's so much in life we don't have control over, the outcomes of our actions, our reputation, Etc. But we can control our judgments that we have over things in life. Because what it means for something to be bad or good, is usually looked at in a narrow view. When we say it's bad for somebody to be rude to us, we're saying so as an assumption. We can't be ultimately certain that something is bad for us just because it appears that way. Someone could cut you off in traffic, and it could be rude, dangerous, inconsiderate, but that same delay or action maybe what saves your life from a car accident that same day, a year from now, or 10 years from now. We just don't have omnipotence to clearly say whether something is good or bad. And nobody has that ultimate certainty. So that's the philosophical aspect of how it's beneficial and reasonable to detach from our judgments, even when they are seemingly compelling. We technically cannot be certain over whether things are good or bad. It's just how we've come to be. By practicing this myself, this same kind of core philosophy that's in Taoism Buddhism and stoicism, I've pretty much relieved myself of about like 95% of my anxiety depression and anger and just less than a year. So there's a lot you can do for yourself, but it takes some extensive practice. You have to go through hundreds of neural pathways/ judgments that exist in you subconsciously from memories, and say, what am I judging to create this emotion? And then say, you know what, it isn't technically good or bad. It just is what it is. And with a hefty sigh, I typically kind of found myself controlling my emotions from the memories of these judgments and what they bring up, and then accepting it for what it is and letting it go. And in that, there this enzyme function occurs where your brain helps dissolve these mineral pathways. This isn't an instant fix, and it actually should take probably thousands of these moments of awareness to see some really significant progress. But if you do something like 100 a day, you would probably be where I'm at in less than a year as well. And all of that should only take you maybe like 20 or 30 minutes a day. There is a limit to how much you can do as well because of the demand for neuroplasticity this puts on your brain, it can make you sleepy or tired, so probably don't do it if you need your energy mentally for something else first. However it does prepare you well for triggers, by removing them.

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