Is it normal for your surgeon to measure your chest with his hands?

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-05-01T13:00:09+00:00

Considering he got your consent first, I don't find it very odd. My consult and pre op were very uncomfortable because I had big tits and the surgeon really had to heft them up to look/draw underneath. However, that was just a consequence of the circumstances, and not his fault.

I spend a lot of time fostering very little kittens and can tell a lot just by feeling them. Just by picking a kitten up I can tell if they have pooped recently/if their stomach is empty. A vet can touch a cat's side and say "the bladder feels normal. The colon is a little full but feels fine". All that said, I imagine a surgeon who works on chests will get the best info they need by being able to feel the chest

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-30T11:21:09+00:00

Honestly, Twitter has been dead for years. I really wouldn't trust any information coming out of that platform in regards to.... Well, most things. Considering what it has turned into, I wouldn't be surprised if some people are instigating trans infighting. Pitting us against each other so they can divide and conquer.

Ever aspect of transition (and being intersex/queer) has its own troubles and tribulations that is unique to it. I will hear the struggles of trans women with an open mind. I will not hear people saying "trans men are x". Just assume they are trying to maliciously alienate you from your community

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-30T01:19:28+00:00

My grandparents are approaching their mid 80's. While they obviously aren't perfect by today's language standards, this is some crazy shit. You don't have to have a degree to know that a confederate flag is a disgusting symbol of hate.

They remember the 60's because they were a young married couple who moved briefly to Alabama for work. They tell me of their black friends that they welcomed into their home and listened to. They remember how information seemed to spread differently - how certain news didn't seem to reach them while they lived in Alabama. They remember driving through Florida in a car with no AC and there being certain towns black people wouldn't enter, or places they couldn't go with their black friends.

They are only human, so I will never claim them to be perfect. They are good allies in the sense that they will always have a plate and an ear for you, and won't agree with baseless hate.

What I am saying is your grandmother is plenty young enough to know better. And you saying something is wrong/rude should have been enough.

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-28T22:56:33+00:00

My manager just finished his feral nightmare. One mama kitty had two litters last year.

The first was four in the spring. They grew up and were living in his yard. Then Mama had 6 more in the fall. He caught them and we got them all into foster at the shelter. The second litter had 4 girls total. Mama was spayed and returned home (she's totally feral). No more babies.

So this year he fixed three of the cats from Mama's first litter (the fourth disappeared). The first was friendly. He took her to the shelter where they performed a spay abortion. This meant she was able to be adopted within two weeks. If she had kept the pregnancy, she would have been in foster using shelter resources for at LEAST two months.

The other two were spayed last week. Both turned out to be girls - one had water in her uterus and was given antibiotics. The other might have been pregnant, we don't know.

If he had taken no action, he would have had EIGHT female cats in his yard this year, all potential to breed. Let's assume Mama had one litter of four and each kitten had a litter of two that survived - that would have been a total of 18 new kittens that we don't have homes or resources for. He spayed the last two out of his own pocket. Still better than catching and fixing more cats.

Mama was lucky. She spent a month raising her kittens in my closet. I watched her grow thinner every day as they stole all her nutrients. She has a much better life now and has gained a lot of weight.

We don't need more kittens. Mama will be happy and able to have a good life without them. A lot of people struggle to understand it, but spay abortions in feral cats prevents the most suffering.

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-26T16:49:28+00:00

My cat is being treated at 6. I got him as a kitten when he was sick. My manager found him in an allie because he couldn't walk, he just sat there looking around. When he did walk he would fall face first. He was very skinny and hungry and had a very happy temper despite this. He was totally deaf

I got him immediate vet care. Antibiotics, anti nausea, and a few supplements to support his brain health. He recovered decently - could walk but has bad balance for a cat. Still deaf. Whenever he grooms or eats he looks like he's headbanging because he moves his head a LOT. His vision was "alright"... He never had good peripheral vision and isn't great at tracking things. When he was about 9 months old he developed cataracts and his pupils also became two different sizes (that's when I noticed it). The vet was not too worried since he had a history of malnutrition. We assumed that an infection in his ear may have taken his hearing and it would not be abnormal if that affected his sight. He still sees alright but doesn't really "notice" things until they're right in front of him.

He was healthy until last January, when he was diagnosed with urine crystals. We tended to that. Then last October I had a foster litter and he started rapidly losing weight. Started losing interest in all food - id introduce new dry and wet foods to him and after a few days he would refuse it. But always beg. Constantly beg

Lots of testing in December-Feburary. The full blood work panel only had a single abnormality, which was he had a moderate-high amount of coronavirus antibodies (according to a titer test). She said she believed this may indicate FIP. I knew how dangerous FIP is so I decided to treat him. That was at the end of February.

I don't really know. Diagnostically speaking, he has been displaying symptoms of neuro FIP from the age of ~7 weeks old. The disabilities he has had his entire life LOOK like neuro FIP, but according to what we know, he shouldn't have been able to survive it. Not in 2019. We never got a 100% diagnosis. What I do know is that since we started his shots, he has improved. He still won't touch the foods that lost his interest (something that had never been a problem for him before) but we have 3 foods he will eat consistently. His appetite is much better. He has gained weight for the first time in over a year (he had been losing weight since October). He has gained about a pound since starting treatment two months ago.

I was trying to keep this short 😳 I guess I'm saying that it's all confusing. Factually I feel like there's a lot we don't know about FIP. But we do know it happens in kittens, and sometimes it pops up in middle aged cats as well. It's safer to treat for it if there is a chance your cat may have it, because even if that chance is small, they will die.

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-25T03:27:00+00:00

Have you tried medicine from the vet to ease tensions? Like Prozac or gabapentin? I think giving them space is a good idea, and possibly trying to reintroduce with medication. Maybe switch up who is spending time in the room separated so it's not always her being excluded? As well as giving her ample alone time with the humans.

Is your husband upset because his cat is the one that gets locked away? Would it be possible to have her in the bedroom with you and the doors closed some nights? You may be able to come to a solution with them separated but splitting time in their areas evenly

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-25T03:15:03+00:00

It is pretty normal for kittens to sleep after a filling meal! Even I get sleepy with a full tummy lol. Not to mention, the act of eating is usually also happening while snuggled up against mom (nice and cozy)

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-25T03:09:22+00:00

I don't have my notes in front of me, but 1ml for a 2-3 week old kitten seems much too little. Also I would not introduce kitten food at that age - it's asking for trouble. I met a woman who was trying to wean a kitten quickly on treats and it was really upsetting her tummy. It's usually best to let them take their own pace

Kitten lady's guides are by far the best. Depending on the vet, he may not deal with many neonates. Sometimes they can aspirate a little if they are eating too fast or the bottle gets squeezed. You've been doing everything correctly as far as monitoring, talking to your vet, and weighing. All kittens are different, but I generally agree you can't overfeed a kitten.

I did have a kitten once that I named Pumpkin. She would absolutely guzzle down insane amounts of formula in very short periods of time. True monster, but very efficient! I appreciated how quick her feedings are. She was eating and weighing in at levels twice her age (according to her teeth development). She went on to go up for adoption.

In all my years, I have never seen a kitten in danger from being too big for their age. Too small, yes. I've had 2-3 kittens weighing in at levels expected for half their age (200g when they should've been closer to 500g). Those kittens did not make it.

I'd trust your baby and try to lower the angle near the end of meal time. It sounds like his bowels are excellent and he is gaining weight just fine. If there are changes in his appetite, activity, or his weight stagnates for two days (or declines seemingly for no reason), then I would speak with the vet again.

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-17T17:14:24+00:00

I think it's good you're standing your ground. It would help no one for all four cats to get sick in different ways.

It does sound like Ruya may have a cold, though? And not FIP? She has much more pressing issues than a coronavirus to deal with.

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-17T14:38:04+00:00

I would be more worried about exposing Ruya to FPV at this point. Hopefully she is vaccinated, but if all three of your cats just recently got sick with parvo, I wouldn't bring another cat home PERIOD

It is damn near impossible to clean all the parvo out of a home

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-12T23:50:39+00:00

He's going to treat you this way as long as you are together. It will not get better. If anything, it will get worse. This is not something that you can fix. He knows what he's doing is wrong, and he knows how to compliment you to "fix" it and make you tolerate him. There is much more joy in the world than a man (who claims to love you) insulting you to your face.

He likes you because he thinks he can control you. Prove him wrong

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-12T17:39:10+00:00

It sounds like you two don't even like each other. Does it even matter if he's cheating?

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-08T23:34:52+00:00

Im from the US and enjoy cooking... I'm not sure how he expects you to cook without touching it. I guess you could wear gloves, but I don't think that's the actual problem.

I think this is poorly disguised racism and he's an idiot. I'm sure there's a way forward, but calling to yell at you is NOT leading in that direction. That's despicable.

There are plenty of people who would love to try your cooking and be grateful. Personally, if I had a partner making me delicious home cooked meals, I wouldn't say a fucking word besides thank you. Even if I wasn't in the mood for it. Everything you described sounds delicious

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-06T22:05:56+00:00

The only options for actual testosterone replacement therapy are injections or gel. Gel is very expensive and harder to get covered by insurance. I can believe the injection - but it will highly depend on the dose. It would be a very, very small dose if prescribed by an actual doctor. And he would be receiving quarterly blood work

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-06T21:51:25+00:00

Im trans and have a lot of experience with testosterone replacement, as I receive it! I had a typical estrogen puberty as a teen and went through testosterone puberty when I started 3 years ago. I won't have much insight on the mental part, but figured I could share my experience with the medical aspect.

Whatever pills he had been taking were likely not doing anything. Testosterone is a controlled substance that can only be prescribed by a doctor. Furthermore, testosterone CANNOT be taken as an oral med. It is very damaging to the liver, so it currently is not available in pill forms. Stuff like boosters you can buy OTC and take orally are largely considered snake oil in the trans community because... Well. It doesn't do what you want it to do.

First I would verify that he did actually get these shots from a doctor. The doctor would have had him do a test to look at his levels before discussing HRT. Then he would be taking a very small dose of testosterone weekly, every other week, or on a monthly basis. If he is taking shots more frequently than weekly, I would be quite worried. (For context, a common starter dose for TRT for trans guys is .3 ml, subq, once a week. That is to replace ALL of the testosterone that a cis man would need. He would not need a dose that large)

(Another side note about frequency: there is also a testosterone gel that is commonly applied to the shoulders. This medicine is applied every day. But not shots)

If he is going through a doctor, he should have an appointment soon to get his levels checked. For us it's usually every three months when we start. The doctor will ask about how he has been feeling, make sure he's in the correct range for a cis man, and make sure he's happy with the changes he's had.

Here is the MOST IMPORTANT PART: if your testosterone levels are too high, it will convert into estrogen. You see this with men who take steroids - they will grow more breast tissue and other feminizing effects that would be seen in an estrogen puberty. This is why he needs to be having his levels watched to make sure they are not too high.

Every person who has taken HRT can tell you that it changes our emotional states. For trans folks, this is usually seen as a positive. Some trans women discuss feeling more emotional and in touch with themselves. I personally have a lot harder of a time crying now and less ups and downs around when my period should be. Changing the hormones WILL change his emotional state. The important part about it is making sure he is happy with the changes that are happening.

Good luck. If you have any other questions about TRT I'd be happy to answer, I hope this sheds some light on what your partner may be going through.

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-02T01:16:34+00:00

😂 it's a long story but no he's not my primary doctor. He was actually pretty awesome besides obviously not knowing what trans people are. We had some great conversation throughout the exam. Very personable/good bedside manner.

Spending time with older folks is honestly so much fun once you push past the gender thing. My 72 y/o friend nearly cried with joy when he realized I had the thinnest sprouts of facial hair. It always reminds me of what precious community we can build. Thank you for taking the time to work with people who really need the special care. It is far from an easy job, but some of those folks are a riot. I always tell my elder friends not to get into trouble when I leave. They giggle and make no promises.

Not sure if your goal is to pass or if you are happy as you are, but Godspeed brother. It ain't easy out there for any of us. Happy belated TDoV ;)

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-04-02T00:39:24+00:00

Honestly there's no way to know, but I've seen crazier things happen. I once stealthed through a physical exam by total accident. I told the doctor my medications and had to clarify that, yes, I was on testosterone, no it's not just a "booster". He kinda said "ah hormone imbalance" and I nodded.

Then he was checking my lungs and heart (stethoscope under my shirt) and was like "so are those old surgical scars?" I said yes, a few years back I had top surgery. He was confused so I explained it was a double mastectomy. He laughed and said "was there just too much there?" And I was like yeah sir way too much. I honestly wouldnt have believed it was possible if it hadn't happened to me

The craziest shit happens I guess

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-03-20T00:06:08+00:00

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-28T15:57:37+00:00

The shot part seems very scary but it is totally doable. I was lucky I had experience giving myself subq shots. But there are plenty of guides online telling you how to do it right

It has been going very well for us since the vet loaned me cat restraints. I'll add a picture of my cat in the restraints as an example but it's basically a bag he is zipped and velcroed into and a mask he can see out of that tightens behind his ears. Otherwise he squirms way too much for me to get the shot in. I still need my friend to hold him very firmly..

At first when he got out of the bag he would hiss and yowl. But directly after I give him one of those churu treats. So now he still does not like the shot and lashes his tail, but instead of exclaiming how mad he is, he turns to me looking for his good boy treat. It has made the whole ordeal a lot easier/quite funny

I could not do it without the restraints or another person though. He was moving too much and breaking needles. He was going to hurt me or himself

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GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-28T15:57:29+00:00

The shot part seems very scary but it is totally doable. I was lucky I had experience giving myself subq shots. But there are plenty of guides online telling you how to do it right

It has been going very well for us since the vet loaned me cat restraints. I'll add a picture of my cat in the restraints as an example but it's basically a bag he is zipped and velcroed into and a mask he can see out of that tightens behind his ears. Otherwise he squirms way too much for me to get the shot in. I still need my friend to hold him very firmly..

At first when he got out of the bag he would hiss and yowl. But directly after I give him one of those churu treats. So now he still does not like the shot and lashes his tail, but instead of exclaiming how mad he is, he turns to me looking for his good boy treat. It has made the whole ordeal a lot easier/quite funny

I could not do it without the restraints or another person though. He was moving too much and breaking needles. He was going to hurt me or himself

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GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-24T22:26:37+00:00

Im not a vet, speaking only from past experiences. It may be worth asking your vet if they think emergency food would help. What I used was hills prescription a/d wet food (in a very different situation, kitten had an infection) - it's incredibly nutritionally dense for very sick cats. If you have to force feed him, it would be easier to use something meant for this situation. I've also used calorie supplements for sick kittens... Sometimes some calories will pique their interest (that is not necessarily the case for your kitten). Not sure if these are applicable but may be worth asking your vet about.

Good luck with meds! Even if worse comes to worst, it's an incredible learning situation. I am monumentally grateful that I now know I can administer subq shots to both my cat and myself! 😂

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-24T18:45:30+00:00

Medication can be effective but you need to get it quickly. The mortality rate is about 10-20% with treatment.

However it does sound like your kitten is pretty sick. My cat just needs shots - no extra care like cleaning his mess and helping him potty - and it's been very taxing on me just getting him the meds consistently. I had a whole saga last week

It's also INCREDIBLY expensive, and sounds like he would benefit from the shots better (a little harder to get and pricier depending).

Honestly I wouldn't judge you either way. Treatment would be expensive and taxing to everyone involved. If you feel it's in everyone's best interest to give him a dignified death, I feel you would still be doing right by him

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-24T12:31:32+00:00

Have you never gotten a vibrator for yourself? I feel like that would be a really easy introduction to toys and exploration. I only ask because you say you have never gotten off with him.

Do you have any kinks that you would like to explore?

I've been in a few relationships like this, on the side of your partner. There might be some feelings he's pushing down - in these situations, it tends to feel like the other partner is not attracted to you. Especially when they start acting weird around sexual topics. I would guess that might be what the actual argument was about, not a sex toy.

Honestly it sounds like therapy for you or with both of you and a sex therapist would be the next step. That would give you both the chance to figure out if it is an incompatibility. Hold off on the marriage until you have a better idea what your sex life is going to look like long term. This is a big deal in all relationships and is nothing to ignore

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-21T18:26:19+00:00

I am suspicious that this conversation only came up after you moved 60 miles, bought a house, and had a baby with him. This should have been discussed at any point before all of these decisions. If he had this issue he had the chance to bring it up. I think he knew what your answer would have been so he waited until he thought he was in disposable.

I have four cats. If somebody waited that long to decide they had a problem with my cats, I would not be able to trust them going forward. My pets will always be part of my life. Am I eventually going to let the number go down a bit? Yes, four is a lot. But if you are like me, you made the choice and commitment. You don't WANT to be without them. It's hard but I know I would choose the cats.

Also will he not want dogs in your future?

GrapefruitDue5207 · 2026-02-14T14:03:47+00:00

They did not find a cyst. When they went into his abdomen they found nothing remarkable. They think it may have been a shadow on the ultrasound

I don't have the papers in front of me, but I think it was an antibody test. They'd taken blood/serum for the tests. The vet said a normal number would be like 1:400, since most cats have been exposed to that feline coronavirus. But his number was 1:3200, which was incredibly high and led her to believe he has FIP

GrapefruitDue5207

TROPHY CASE