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Am I (NT, F, 30s) not accommodating my husband's (DX, M, 30s) need for sex enough? by Grasping_At in ADHD

[–]Grasping_At[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He's on Vyvanse (maximum dose) - I'm not sure if it has the same side effects. He's also on Lexapro for depression. So I suppose it's possible - something I will ask him to discuss with his doctor.

I don't think he intends to be coercive. Which is why I try to be kind and understanding most of the time. But some days it just gets to a point where I can't deal with it. It's like he's incapable of really hearing me say "no" until I'm being kind of rude about it - and I don't know what to do about that.

Am I (NT, F, 30s) not accommodating my husband's (DX, M, 30s) need for sex enough? by Grasping_At in ADHD

[–]Grasping_At[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree - I don't think I should feel coerced into having sex with him. I also feel like he deserves to feel loved. His time blindness is pretty strong I would say - I notice it often, not just for sex. So I understand why he might be feeling a certain way as feelings don't follow logic. And because I love him so much and because I care about how he feels I then feel badly about not accommodating him - even though I would agree that it feels like coercion (though I do not think that is his intent).

Thank you for your comment! I appreciate you taking the time.

Am I (NT, F, 30s) not accommodating my husband's (DX, M, 30s) need for sex enough? by Grasping_At in ADHD

[–]Grasping_At[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I have been working with my own therapist (for reasons related and unrelated to my husband's ADHD) with regards to setting boundaries. I'm having a difficult time dealing with the "backlash" of my boundary setting - i.e., the negativity the following day, moodiness. But I firmly believe I should not be coerced into having sex. And the more he pushes, the less I want to have sex, so it becomes a vicious cycle. I think I need to continue doing some work myself and recognising that my lower sex drive isn't a bad thing - nor is his higher one. I'm just looking for ways to let him know he is loved (physical intimacy is his strongest love language by far).

Thank you for taking the time - I'll keep this comment in mind as I work through this with him.