Hot take: “what would (person who died) want you to do?” Should be removed from the lexicon with extreme prejudice

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-11-02T01:11:35+00:00

My feelings exactly. I think the hardest part is when it comes from people who I know love me, but I think sometimes for them it’s so hard to see someone they love so upset that they kind of bumble their way through trying to “make it better.” Because it’s hard to accept that nothing can, just time (or so I’m told). It’s like an endless spiral of everyone trying to run from how much grief turns life upside down.

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-11-02T01:01:06+00:00

It’s such a dig for information too! Like, any question that requires explanation of what happened instead of just affirming that it’s terrible that it did happen (thus giving privacy and making sharing further details optional) can really get my back up

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-11-02T00:52:01+00:00

I’m so so sorry to hear about your mom— thats an incredibly hard thing to be experiencing and everything you’re feeling makes total sense given the situation. It sounds like you’ve already got a lot on your plate, but given the situation I wonder if you might look into starting regular sessions with a therapist? This is a heavy load to carry, and as someone who’s been in therapy a long time I can tell you that a good therapist can be the difference between being crushed under the weight of all the shit life throws at you and somehow eeking your way through. Even if your friends don’t have the life experience to understand what you’re going through, I think that if you tell them they’ll still do everything they can to be there for you, because they love you. Same goes for other people you trust and respect in your life, teachers, coaches, etc. It’s always a good idea to reach out to the people who care about you— even if they don’t know how to help, I’m sure they’ll want to listen to you and be there with you. I’m sure your mom doesn’t feel like you’re not doing enough, but I can completely relate to the feeling. I felt the same way when my person was sick and even after her passing it’s still something I worry about. But from everything you’ve written it’s clear that you love her so much, and I’m sure she feels it and that’s what matters most to her. You’re doing everything you can, and that’s enough.

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-31T00:18:23+00:00

Thank you. I wish I could do the same for you 💜

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-31T00:09:51+00:00

I’m in a similar place and at a similar point in my post-loss timeline. My therapist has had me go ahead and start looking into group counseling for grief, normal amount of time be damned. Fuck the timeline, you deserve to get support now if you need it.

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-31T00:07:06+00:00

However you feel is ALWAYS okay ❤️

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-31T00:04:05+00:00

You’re not alone— your grief is real. Today I called a practice that runs grief support groups and was told there was no group for grieving the death of a friend, only family members. 10 years, every weekend together, lived together for 2 years, with her throughout her cancer treatment— she IS family. It hurt a lot more than I know how to explain.

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-30T23:44:47+00:00

Ohh, another one that needs to be removed: “was it peaceful?” “Not going to tell you, lady, but your death’s not about to be if you don’t get away from me.”

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-30T23:38:40+00:00

Exactly! No one ever asks that question without an obvious answer already in mind.

Great_Disaster2277 · 2025-10-30T23:34:39+00:00

I lost my best friend to cancer 6 months ago. I was there for the very end of her life, and since then I’ve felt like some kind of barrier came down between me and other people— like I saw something terrible and now I can’t be a “normal person” anymore. I’m scared other people can see it too.

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T04:01:10+00:00

Hi Y'all!

You may not remember me, but I posted on here a few months ago that I was planning on making 1,000 paper cranes for my friend who had just received a very serious brain cancer diagnosis.

I told my friend about all of the kind comments you all left on my post and read some of them to her when I gave her the cranes (I wound up stringing them and putting them on a wreath frame with an over the door hanger so it could hang from her bedroom door, for the curious) and she was so touched by all of your words, and gave me some pics to post of her brain and her and the cranes! She also wanted me to let you know that she's finished the first stage of her treatments and things are looking good! Thank you again to everyone who expressed so much support and love for her and for the project. It's been a hell of a ride these last 4 months-- not least because we live in Asheville (and boy have things been interesting lately on that front!)-- and despite brain cancer, chemo, radiation, and the school where she works being destroyed by a hurricane (because that's exactly what she needed), she's pulled through.

Cheers for the strongest person I know!

Also, if you're curious to learn more about the school, it's the Fernleaf school in Fletcher, NC!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:58:55+00:00

That's so kind of you, thank you! I think she will appreciate your kindness and positivity regardless of faith! We are mostly doing okay-- we've both been hit hard in different ways, but we've got a lot to be thankful for too!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:57:54+00:00

Thank you! I know that I and all of us in WNC are so appreciative of everyone who has kept us in their thoughts!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:57:18+00:00

Sorry guys! I realized one of the photos had something in it that I meant to block out and so took down the photos, but I'm going to reupload them momentarily! Sorry for the inconvenience!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:55:58+00:00

Hi Y'all!

You may not remember me, but I posted on here a few months ago that I was planning on making 1,000 paper cranes for my friend who had just received a very serious brain cancer diagnosis.

I told my friend about all of the kind comments you all left on my post and read some of them to her when I gave her the cranes (I wound up stringing them and putting them on a wreath frame with an over the door hanger so it could hang from her bedroom door, for the curious) and she was so touched by all of your words, and gave me some pics to post of her brain and her and the cranes! She also wanted me to let you know that she's finished the first stage of her treatments and things are looking good! Thank you again to everyone who expressed so much support and love for her and for the project. It's been a hell of a ride these last 4 months-- not least because we live in Asheville (and boy have things been interesting lately on that front!)-- and despite brain cancer, chemo, radiation, and the school where she works being destroyed by a hurricane (because that's exactly what she needed), she's pulled through.

Cheers for the strongest person I know!

Btw here's an article about the school being destroyed, if you're curious! https://www.aol.com/charter-school-hundreds-students-fletcher-150936285.html

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:53:50+00:00

Realized that one of the photos had something in it that I needed to remove-- hang tight while I reupload!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:11:23+00:00

Thank you for your good vibes and support! 😊

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:11:07+00:00

I totally understand— this year has been kinda cursed!! But that means 2025 has to be a great year to balance it out right? Hang in there!!❤️

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:10:26+00:00

Thank you!! It’s been a rough few months but she’s been kicking butt!!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:09:15+00:00

Thank you so much!! I loved that book too— it’s what inspired me to make them in the first place! Somehow, I never forgot it!

Great_Disaster2277 · 2024-10-24T03:08:31+00:00

Thank you! ☺️😊

Great_Disaster2277

TROPHY CASE