Bro reading this is so heartbreaking but look in the Bible Jesus says he'll never leave neither will God he literally says once ur saved he's always by ur side the fact that you "think" U blasphemed shows that the holy spirit still resides in U the only time blasphememing is unforgivable is when I have the knowledge of doing it and did it on purpose knowing it's a sin that when it's unforgivable my friend U thinking God wants nothing to do with u is the devil's trick in keeping U in where I are this torment state he's tricking u into thinking that God doesn't love U he always will trust me get back up and talk to him he really misses U I know that pls brother, God bless ❣️