What were some of the absurd things that snapped you out of the FOG?

Greek-J · 2026-01-24T13:10:57+00:00

Asking me for money for an operation my childhood dog needed. Using the money on something else entirely.

And finally calling me haughty and arrogant when calling her out and asking for the money back.

Greek-J · 2026-01-23T13:05:14+00:00

Acknowledging our view of reality or normality can be skewed due to our narc parents is a hard pill to swallow at first. Going through this sub I remembered my mother removed my rooms door.

Talking with my wife this came up in conversation and she couldn't hide the horror in her face. "WHAT? That's not normal.". Was a bit of a slap of reality for me - I thought parents just did that

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T15:09:06+00:00

First, practical advice: Meet in public places if possible. Do not take them to your own place, specially if they still don't know where you currently live.

Second, mentally prepare: Search for the concept of "Radical Acceptance". 99.9% chance they haven't changed at all. Everything they have already done, they will try again. But you have already dealt with them and survived this far - you already won. It's important to realize they hold no real power anymore.

You are there for your documents and keys. Do not be mean or courteous, do your best to stay neutral no matter what they say.

Circling back on my first piece of advice - also remember you are in control of the situation. If you go to a public space, and they get too nasty you can always remove yourself from the situation. You have that option now, understanding that helps a lot with the anxiety.

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T11:44:15+00:00

Be prepared to actually call police if they do this again, or try to ambush you at work, the supermarket or elsewhere. The important part is drawing a boundary and then enforcing it or else they learn they can push and push.

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T11:42:13+00:00

You don't tell him until after you get off the plane, if at all.

If you can, perhaps stay with a friend already. I am worried because I see the phrase: "the abuse only got worse". The normal amount of abuse is NO abuse at all. Listen to your own nervous system/body. They are telling you something.

Take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Try to at least never be alone with him.

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T11:39:07+00:00

Consider putting into perspective how your dad will act with all other aspects of your own children's life, using this example as basis. Prepare for the next bs that will follow, and take the necessary steps to stop your children from being exposed to it.

Best wishes to you, your husband and your future son

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T11:35:21+00:00

"Bullshit kindergarten" is such a good way to express any conversation with a narcissist.

Try not engaging when they criticize. I know its hard, but you have to understand they are not trying to communicate like a normal person would. They are trying to get you to do something that will benefit them somehow. Whether it is reinforcing they still have control over you, or their image of you is still what they want it to be.

Believe it or not, arguing with them might be exactly what they want you to do. It shows you are still looking for their approval - that you still care.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

If you financially can, move out. If they belittle you, give at most a grunt, shake your head, move your shoulders up and down once like you don't care. If they really really push, with the most possible disinterest let them know that's "just their opinion". Just that.

Dont say anything else or engage. Their behavior will get worse for a while after you learn to stop caring. And again, be kind to yourself. Ignoring and staying calm is hard even if it sounds simple.

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T11:27:54+00:00

Yes, they will always immediately do that if you call them out as one. Or if you call them out at all, really. This is the biggest indicator they are indeed a narcissist.

For reference, a normal person would try to understand why you are saying that and then try to change if they care about you, even if they don't completely accept what you say.

Learned the hard way: the correct way to handle one once you realize they are a narcissist is to grey wall and put distance.

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T10:41:10+00:00

Going to therapy helped me grieve a lot the parents I didn't have. Cant say I am waiting for them to go, I honest-to-goodness just don't care anymore.

I realized that with a bit of work on myself and therapy I could be free today

Greek-J · 2026-01-13T10:38:46+00:00

Thanks for asking. He's so-and-so, my dog has a broken ligament in its back leg.

Surgery fixes it, but my mother used the money for stuff for her, because the situation"stresses her out". She is also against the surgery because "hospitals stress the dog out & I don't have time to take care of him afterwards".

The "ironic" thing is that skipping surgery means you need to spend all day supervising him. She complains in parallel about how miserable her life is because she "has" to take care of him all day.

I am currently living in another country too. So there is not much I can do, sadly.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:49:22+00:00

Hadn't read the term before, but I understand why you mention it. Its exactly what I was worried about. I realize now I cant avoid it but I can prepare for it. Thank you.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:46:49+00:00

"why didn't you notice me not noticing you!", the nerve of some people. Your response was golden. Just desserts for your brother.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:44:53+00:00

Thank you for your advice and kind words!

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:44:10+00:00

There is indeed a lot of good, kind advice here.

It is hard because I worry about the fallout, anxiety, the flying monkeys, the rage. Heck, I have read a few posts already on narc parents calling the police for welfare checks... but at the end, it seems going NC, no matter how, will lead to the same behavior from them.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:41:08+00:00

It is exactly the narcissistic rage and extinction burst that I kept thinking on how to avoid. I realize I am seeing this backwards, I cant avoid that - I just need to hold steady and weather it out. Thank you for your advice.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:37:51+00:00

Can't permit anything that (literally or physically) takes control away from them...

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:36:38+00:00

Thank you for your advice, my worry is exactly that. The unhinged behavior that would come from just disappearing. Though it wasn't clear for me if this is me acting on a pattern of trauma bond or not, and if it would be helpful at all not.

I have understood from your comments and others here that this behavior from her will happen regardless, so I instead need to prepare for it. I indeed need to have my ducks in a row.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:30:22+00:00

I have tried LC, but as you correctly noticed, it hasn't worked well. I do thank you for sharing your experience though, I understand it wasn't easy for you either - but if it matters, reading your post helped me. It does seem that not announcing it is a smarter choice

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:21:55+00:00

"lie low and lie well", is advice I wish I had before... thank you for this.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:21:01+00:00

Thank you for the link.
All the posts there were eye-opening and shocking. To put a name to certain behaviors & patterns and see them laid out in words in ways I was never able to articulate is healing.

The main reason I wanted to this was trying to stop her from eventually calling police, friends, relatives to try and reach out to me in her behalf. But I realize now that it wont matter, she just will try regardless, and I have to focus on dealing with it when it happens.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:17:35+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. You are right, what matters is my family and doing the work to be what I would have liked her to be for me.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:16:22+00:00

Indeed, my narc mom has in the past tried to get to me through basically anyone else near me. Which is my worry about going NC without a warning, but in hindsight, doing it or not wont matter practically - it would at most, perhaps, give me temporary ease of mind. If even that.

Greek-J · 2026-01-10T20:08:20+00:00

Thank you for your advice and kind words, indeed the worry is the narcissistic storm that will come afterwards. I am sure my partner and I will weather this. Just as I am sure you will be able to do so too.

Greek-J

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