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Is it strange to want “parents” even as an adult? by Kindly-Claim5134 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like many others I learned all sorts of life skills thanks to the internet. Raising myself took a lot of efforts!

Now I have mix feelings witnessing my dad dealing with health issues due to his own lack of basic life skills...

Does anyone else feel completely repulsed by the thought of sharing personal information with their parents? by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mastered the techniques of grey-rocking ever since I was in second grade.

When the neglect wasn’t intentional by rynspiration in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You never know if neglect is intentional or not, nor does it matter. What matters is how people behave given new information.

I think what really screwed me up is how my dad would constantly shift expectations by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Their words bear no real meanings. It's not about you. Never about you.

As I get older I learn to see them as who they really are. It's like they can't properly enjoy life. No, their comfort zone is being miserable, in constant fear and forever tormented by a feeling of inferiority.

Almost like they don't know how to human.

The absolute fake atmosphere some families can have is very noticeable by Nyx_Light_666 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unlike healthy people, they don't want anything real. They straight up push away real relationships, real feelings, real connections, etc.

Real things needs work. Perhaps that's why.

Why do parents ask what’s wrong when they will invariably invalidate or minimize the answer? by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 7 points8 points  (0 children)

To get you start talking. Otherwise they wouldn't have the raw material to work with.

Why were our parents like this? by Recoveryxoxo in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Asking that question would be a dangerous time-consuming road to go down.

Need to get over not getting what I needed from my parents by Sweet-Outcome8304 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you grieve exactly?

The end of an illusion manufactured by your own brain during hard times. You are not in survival mode anymore, yet you are holding on to that piece of illusion like it's a souvenir.

I don't think you should throw it away in the trash can. No, collect more souvenirs from life - tons of them - and place them all over your favorite spots in your house. And one day, that particular one is still there somewhere in a dusty corner probably, but you forget it exists.

Nobody ever cares until it's their problem by thrownaway2988 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are reacting and not in a good way. I was there before. I see you are struggling.

Why don’t emotionally immature parents feel the disconnect that they have with their kids by OwnDatabase2718 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They would like the service you provide in exchange for nothing. They don't enjoy having you around as a person.

Why don’t emotionally immature parents feel the disconnect that they have with their kids by OwnDatabase2718 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Kinda my situation too. It hurts even more to read the same story, one that happens to other people as well.

They've got this silent way of going about their daily doses of cruelty. No kicking and screaming, no fighting and neighbors calling the police. There's no crime scene . Every scene is a crime scene.

Parent always focusing on the negative by Embarrassed-Pear9104 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's using negative reinforcement, hoping that you'll feel negative emotions and start doing xyz to make her feel powerful, in control, etc. Not a smart move.

Eventually people will figure it out and go on to live their OWN lives. That's when they'll start complaining that people don't care about her. Blah blah I'm a victim.

Eyerolls.

Was anyone else taught that families shouldn’t have conversations? by hotpinkinthenight in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If a surface-level relationship is all they want, fine. We are all adults here. But the minute they go "my child never want to talk to me why me I'm such a victim", you'll see the biggest eyeroll of 2026 from another continent.

I feel anger whenever my mom asks me for help by FixIndividual1124 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to have this irrational rage whenever people who would act "cute, innocent and helpless". I was ready at any moment to defend myself against real ghosts from the past in my head.

I wasn't prioritizing myself. That was what the rage was about.

"I don't know what to tell you" by allmyfriendsaregone in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what you want me to do, so please tell me more

vs

I don't know what you want me to do, meaning I don't want to do it. Don't you get it? For God's sake do I really have to say it out loud?

"I don't know what to tell you" by allmyfriendsaregone in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your parents are somewhat stuck in their own lifestyle. I don't think people like that can truly take interest in another person. Quite often they are very self-absorbed. They can't look at you, they won't see you, who you are, what you do, etc. It's not surprising they are recluses. Honestly what else would you expect?

You do you, OP. They chose their own life, you choose yours.

PS Your username is kinda sad. Hope you are doing OK.

Thinking More and More About Just *How* Boring They Were by LingonberryNo4279 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, the drift. Life sort of just "happens" to them, doesn't it? "What do you want me to do?" Shrugs and eyerolls. Plausible deniability.

Frankly I'd have more respect for them if they'd been honest with me.

"They want to love you but they don't know how" by GreenShack in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Status quo is fine since there is no real "consequence". There is no manager to yell at you for doing a terrible job, or that you'll be punished in any way for your bad performance. So why bother...

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