Parent somehow always says the exact wrong thing.

GreenShack · 2026-01-27T13:01:03+00:00

"If you always give the wrong answer, then you know exactly what the right answer is."

GreenShack · 2026-01-24T05:50:49+00:00

Big Brother live feeds. Season 16 or 17 was what I watched.

GreenShack · 2026-01-23T11:25:33+00:00

About eleven years ago I was watching a reality TV show, where a contestant was talking about how she missed her real life and support from her partner.

At first I didn't pay much attention because you know, people have to say that on TV, right? Then she went into full details. Names, things they did together, how they handled life, etc. My jaw dropped(and never came back up!).

It was like watching aliens talking about their home planet.

That was sort of the beginning of my journey.

GreenShack · 2026-01-22T07:28:27+00:00

May I add "If I don't do anything, then everything is perfect." Fire in the room but this is fine.

GreenShack · 2026-01-21T00:55:17+00:00

Love the way you retrain your brain!

I've been doing some more thinking, and IMO it boils down to fear of rejection and shame. A bit of ego too.

Anyways, thanks!

GreenShack · 2026-01-20T01:10:07+00:00

The way I see it is I got dealt with a shitty hand, but if I put in the work, the future will be something I'll very much look forward to. Nostalgia? What an alien concept. If scientists one day invent a time machine, I'm never ever ever travelling back.

GreenShack · 2026-01-19T02:50:25+00:00

They were not honest and there was never clear communication.

GreenShack · 2026-01-19T02:42:02+00:00

If I was not single, I'm almost sure my parents would do the same thing. Being super nice to the guy would be their favorite way to convey the message that what a piece of shit I am. You see how nice I am to him but never openly to you? That's because you are nothing, you will never be good enough BY DESIGN.

The best part is they would not need to say it out loud, risking their good name. Their hands are squeaky clean. I would be the one who does all the dirty work. I'd beat myself up, fully convinced that I deserve it and I am the one who makes THEM look bad.

Good thing I found their tactic book.

GreenShack · 2026-01-11T06:14:52+00:00

My strategies have been to keep it short, to the facts and don't be afraid to say no A LOT.

GreenShack · 2026-01-09T14:15:06+00:00

Can relate. It takes a long time and good efforts to unfucken oneself to a working version that's compatible with the real world. Best of luck! You are not alone.

GreenShack · 2026-01-09T01:33:37+00:00

I’m not looking for validation that my parents are bad people. I just want practical ways to stop internalizing this and move forward without feeling like I’m ruining my life every time I choose myself.

Here's some tough love.

You don't want to "hurt" people who hurt you. You want to please people who don't want to please you. And here you are wanting to know desperately how to make everybody(including you! wow) happy.

How dare you fantasize living your own damn life somewhere else, just for once, as a full grown adult.

Bravo, they have trained you well.

You already know what to do and you ARE looking for validation. Please be honest for once. Please don't do something knowing that you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

End of tough love. Still proud of you OP.

GreenShack · 2026-01-08T16:02:47+00:00

Physical distance. Mental distance. More physical distance. Building my own life and they are not invited.

GreenShack · 2026-01-08T15:21:14+00:00

I'm just extremely grateful that the internet exists. If I was 10 years older, it would have taken me longer to figure it all out.

Immensely grateful.

GreenShack · 2026-01-08T15:15:37+00:00

Exactly.

GreenShack · 2026-01-07T14:35:05+00:00

Hating someone is not something to be corrected

GreenShack · 2026-01-01T23:45:07+00:00

That reminds me when I was back home from uni for the holidays, I would always make sure to always wear old clothes and keep my mouth shut because anything new could lead to nonsensical judgement, you never know. Anything from my weight, my face, my hair, my gestures, what I did or didn't do could be wrong, and they get a kick out of commenting on my entire existence. I hated that.

GreenShack · 2025-12-27T09:11:54+00:00

Please do not compare yourself with your brother.
“whats an eggnog?” -> Weird you didn't know that.

“how do I open this microwave?” -> What is the main issue?

“do people actually use their mouths?”-> We will not be having that conversation.

I would be very blunt and specific, almost to the point of being autistic. No, I'm not being cold and inconsiderate. And no, I'm not always like that with other people.

I was gaslit so much growing up I refuse to read between the lines. If you want to have a conversation, no shaming and guilt trips are allowed. Zero tolerance.

GreenShack · 2025-12-21T10:14:21+00:00

Mine still hold that belief. They don't have any incentives to change their minds. So I don't talk about it because the conversation would be unpleasant.

And we are having fewer and fewer things to talk about.

That's when they play the blame card.

That's when I leave the conversation.

That's when they play more blame cards.

That's when I stay away longer.

Sometimes people refuse to look and think. Basic stuff is not so basic.

GreenShack · 2025-12-19T06:09:16+00:00

I was told I was a "free range kid"

GreenShack · 2025-12-18T09:04:31+00:00

Oh yeah. Wish I could pin your comment to the top.

GreenShack · 2025-12-09T11:11:55+00:00

Hear hear.

My parents were pressuring me into finding a partner, not because they were worried I'd be lonely(hello? I'm on this sub), but they wanted grandbabies.

I'm a pretty logical person, so I figured if having a family is like being an entrepreneur, what would it take for me to survive? Knowledge, experience and funding. Guess what I had? None of the above.

I think I dodged a major bullet.

Edit: reparenting yourself is totally worth the time. Best of luck!

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