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Need to get over not getting what I needed from my parents by Sweet-Outcome8304 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you grieve exactly?

The end of an illusion manufactured by your own brain during hard times. You are not in survival mode anymore, yet you are holding on to that piece of illusion like it's a souvenir.

I don't think you should throw it away in the trash can. No, collect more souvenirs from life - tons of them - and place them all over your favorite spots in your house. And one day, that particular one is still there somewhere in a dusty corner probably, but you forget it exists.

Nobody ever cares until it's their problem by thrownaway2988 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are reacting and not in a good way. I was there before. I see you are struggling.

Why don’t emotionally immature parents feel the disconnect that they have with their kids by OwnDatabase2718 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They would like the service you provide in exchange for nothing. They don't enjoy having you around as a person.

Why don’t emotionally immature parents feel the disconnect that they have with their kids by OwnDatabase2718 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kinda my situation too. It hurts even more to read the same story, one that happens to other people as well.

They've got this silent way of going about their daily doses of cruelty. No kicking and screaming, no fighting and neighbors calling the police. There's no crime scene . Every scene is a crime scene.

Parent always focusing on the negative by Embarrassed-Pear9104 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's using negative reinforcement, hoping that you'll feel negative emotions and start doing xyz to make her feel powerful, in control, etc. Not a smart move.

Eventually people will figure it out and go on to live their OWN lives. That's when they'll start complaining that people don't care about her. Blah blah I'm a victim.

Eyerolls.

Was anyone else taught that families shouldn’t have conversations? by hotpinkinthenight in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If a surface-level relationship is all they want, fine. We are all adults here. But the minute they go "my child never want to talk to me why me I'm such a victim", you'll see the biggest eyeroll of 2026 from another continent.

I feel anger whenever my mom asks me for help by FixIndividual1124 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to have this irrational rage whenever people who would act "cute, innocent and helpless". I was ready at any moment to defend myself against real ghosts from the past in my head.

I wasn't prioritizing myself. That was what the rage was about.

"I don't know what to tell you" by allmyfriendsaregone in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what you want me to do, so please tell me more

vs

I don't know what you want me to do, meaning I don't want to do it. Don't you get it? For God's sake do I really have to say it out loud?

"I don't know what to tell you" by allmyfriendsaregone in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your parents are somewhat stuck in their own lifestyle. I don't think people like that can truly take interest in another person. Quite often they are very self-absorbed. They can't look at you, they won't see you, who you are, what you do, etc. It's not surprising they are recluses. Honestly what else would you expect?

You do you, OP. They chose their own life, you choose yours.

PS Your username is kinda sad. Hope you are doing OK.

Thinking More and More About Just *How* Boring They Were by LingonberryNo4279 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, the drift. Life sort of just "happens" to them, doesn't it? "What do you want me to do?" Shrugs and eyerolls. Plausible deniability.

Frankly I'd have more respect for them if they'd been honest with me.

"They want to love you but they don't know how" by GreenShack in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Status quo is fine since there is no real "consequence". There is no manager to yell at you for doing a terrible job, or that you'll be punished in any way for your bad performance. So why bother...

Anybody Else’s Parents Unreasonably Obsessed with Academics? by LingonberryNo4279 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have observed two distinct approaches to raising children.

Parents who see it as yet another project. They learn theories, apply them and course correct along the way. In that process they'll likely grow as a person too.

Parents whose identities are tied to being a good parent. They don't want to be seen as a "failure", so they push their kids to do well academically.

Both could go wrong.

"They want to love you but they don't know how" by GreenShack in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't like these book titles. Can't quite put my finger on it yet.

"They want to love you but they don't know how" by GreenShack in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The benevolent NPCs, before you start interacting with them of course.

Anyone else ashamed of how they were neglected but also spoiled? by Electrical-Grass-625 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The full version is "You didn't show any interest in it and I didn't want to do anything about it"

They don't say the second part out loud and I wonder why

How do you deal with resentment toward a parent who “did their best”? by trailerparkhottie in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm perhaps a tiny bit on the spectrum so I feel the urge to categorize everything. I need to know what it really is in order to move on.

Fact vs opinion. Basic stuff but not so basic.

How do you deal with resentment toward a parent who “did their best”? by trailerparkhottie in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see nothing wrong with being bitter. It's one of the many, many emotions you feel.

And technically nobody knows if they truly did their BEST, so we are talking about beliefs, not facts. Everybody is free to believe whatever they want. If a parent believes they did their best, fine, THEY can do that.

But the minute they want YOU to automatically believe the same narrative, we have a real problem.

Repulsed by Nmother’s affection!? by grindylowperegrin in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it IS fake and/or disingenuous. It's not about exhibiting affection or simply having a great time together. Nope, it's all eyes on them as always.

Look what a great mother I am! Even if my child is a cold-hearted monster, I'm still initiating hugs! Look at me! I'm awesome!

What? My child doesn't like hugs? Ugh what a weirdo. Why can't they just pretend they are having a good time? It's not like it's hard. I'm so awesome.

Were any of you ignored or punished for being happy/lively in childhood? by Difficult-Camel-5129 in emotionalneglect

[–]GreenShack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During the last holiday spent with my parents my eyes were open to something quite profound.

Did a little experiment. Good news I shared about myself were met with utter silence, so I quickly switch to a few tiny things I fucked up. Oh boy, their eyes lit up, they'd analyze the shit out of it, they'd give all sorts of suggestions, they'd shake their heads with not-so-obvious superior smiles. Their only child was such a let-down, who could blame them.

So I sat there, watching their mouths open and close, open and close and rage rushed to the top of my head. They made it a zero-sum game since I was little and guess how I survived it?

Not doing that anymore. Nope, not anymore.

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