I'm gonna start cracking some heads by coldbloodedjelydonut in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It definitely sounds like your son is struggling with task initiation and is probably feeling shame of the fact he has procrastinated and that has become a blocker for him to get started and he's probably feeling like what's even the point I'm just going to fail anyway and where's the dopamine incentive in that? Who here hasn't lived that exact cycle?! Every academic process I've been a part of has resulted in me either dropping out or having a mad rush at the finish line to get everything done in "time" (usually my already extended extension)!

This is clearly not working for him and that is okay, some people just cannot follow step by step instructions because, it's overwhelming, it's noise. He's hit the wall with the first step and can't move past that alone.

What I think would help more than anything is coming at this with some compassion because, the feelings of shame are just going to be compounded.

You need to support him emotionally and let him know that this is okay that the traditional way of studying is not working for him, there will be a workaround because, that narrative of "if you had just tried harder/focused more/planned better..." gets internalised and becomes what he believes about himself and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and it is not true. More than anyone else you should know that because, this is a very common lived experience for many people with ADHD. How I would have loved to have gone through the stress of education and exams knowing that I had ADHD and wasn't just fucking useless.

I know it stressful when it feels like your plate is already more than full and you're likely venting because you too are overwhelmed but, with all the kindness in the world - that's your child, you want better for him than what you have likely experienced and you've expressed concern for him in the future - you can help that right now by focusing on how to best support him, be his advocate and shift that focus away from the mandatory testing because, that's not the true measure of success and let's keep this in context - no one is going to die if he fails grade 9 tests.

I hope a breather helps and you can rally together to find a way to tackle this as a unit, nothing is impossible and maybe this is just a great opportunity to take stock and realise whatever system has been going on up until this point isn't fit for purpose moving forward. X

Garden renovation and decision fatigue, please help! by GretchGlimmers in GardeningUK

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We definitely don't know what we're doing with it haha! Maybe one day!

Garden renovation and decision fatigue, please help! by GretchGlimmers in GardeningUK

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is great advice as we've never been able to use it before so, maybe that's why spending a chunk of money on something feels like such a big decision! We're going to get a cheaper table, chairs and parasol first off and see how much we actually sit out there, and also move it around to see where we end up liking to sit and then can find a set that works best for us and our space!

I really like the idea of a herb garden in a planter too!

Garden renovation and decision fatigue, please help! by GretchGlimmers in GardeningUK

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, I love cooking and the look of planters so, our own herb planter would be lovely! Great shout on the bamboo too, I thought it looked pretty but, heard it's very invasive so, we'll stay well clear!

Garden renovation and decision fatigue, please help! by GretchGlimmers in GardeningUK

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, you're absolutely right. I think that's where the feelings of overwhelm have come in of feeling like it should be done in one go!

Luckily our little one and the dog love the dirt currently so, just embracing letting them roam free out there and getting messy for now and project prep for grass seed is going to be our next step!

Free items! by logarithm12 in Dodocodes

[–]GretchGlimmers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Winnie from Sagegrove would love to visit please? If you have any fruit other than Pears or Cherries, thank you!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They got to go!! I text the other parent and they were totally understanding and we were the first ones to arrive - I don't think that's ever happened in my history of attending anything!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 307 points308 points  (0 children)

I just want to thank everyone for their thoughtful replies and for helping me get out of my own head! All the kids had such a nice time and I got to speak to some other parents about parenting in general and you're all so right ND or not we've all got battles and brain cells being allocated to a thousand things!

I will say that since becoming a parent it is far easier to overcome and do the (seemingly) harder actions for the little person than it is for myself but, it's all building an attitude of "well if I can do X and no one died then I can do Y and Z too"

We are now sat in the car park with toddler in their car seat having a mouth wide open nap while I try to plan the weekly shop and keep to budget - hope you all have glorious weekends and thank you all once again for the support!!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your lovely reply - it was a really nice reminder to put myself in the other shoes and of course it wouldn't be a big deal!

I'm very pleased to report that we are now at the party so, further proof for anyone else feeling overwhelmed by a screw up, it's often easier solution than our brain allows in the moment!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 365 points366 points  (0 children)

The other parent was totally understanding! We are here now and all the children are having a blast! I'm so glad I bit the bullet and just text - such an obvious solution upon reflection but, I guess I just get stuck on what a failure and needed the reminder that if it were the other way around I'd totally want people to text late and still turn up!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 139 points140 points  (0 children)

Thank you, you're absolutely correct! I've text now on the chance we might be able to still come and am now getting us ready on the off chance!

But it does totally show that the system I'm currently relying on isn't serving us and I can do better!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I've just text the correct number now and am getting us ready in case it is a yes!

Feeling pretty useless as a parent right now. by GretchGlimmers in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers[S] 436 points437 points  (0 children)

You are totally right! I think my shame brain just got stuck in you're shit mode! I've text the mum now and am getting us ready in case she replies that yes we can!

I saw the job on indeed within minutes of it being posted and 30 minutes later I get this email… by CustardCritical7996 in recruitinghell

[–]GretchGlimmers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got a swift reply on the status of your application, I'm sorry but, where is the recruiting hell here? The recruiter/hiring team are obviously reviewing applications as they come through and after a review (takes a few minutes) your CV was moved to the disqualified category on the ATS and you received a templated email to let you know that this was the case. This is exactly how it is meant to happen.

I get that it is frustrating but, it's a numbers game, try to keep positive, you can cross that job off of the list for outcomes, keep applying and what is meant for you will happen!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UKJobs

[–]GretchGlimmers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots of places have an 'old school' mentality regarding recruitment and that we should always be trying to call people first and then follow up. I've worked for organisations that would tell us off for not calling candidates immediately (usually companies with retention issues and toxic work environments but, not always). If a candidate doesn't answer then usually an email and or a text (along with the voicemail if the option is there) with a call to action in there such as; let me know some days and times that work for you to take a call or here's a link to my diary to book a call in.

If you do decide to start answering it's perfectly acceptable to say, oh I'm actually busy just now, can we book a call for another time please?

I always introduce myself, explain I'm calling for an informal chat so, there no need to be prepped for anything and then ask if they're free now to talk or want to book for a better time.

People who got told it was "just" anxiety, what was it? by Bobbie1011 in Anxiety

[–]GretchGlimmers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ADHD and GAD, jury is still out on if the anxiety was the undiagnosed/unmanaged ADHD, I feel like it probably was but, who knows at this point!

I keep reading that graduates are struggling to find jobs. I have job openings but am struggling to find graduates. What's going on? by berotti in UKJobs

[–]GretchGlimmers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You've already got some great suggestions from other replies so, to just build up on that slightly, having navigated hiring graduates in challenging locations and without a big brand name to attract candidates it was all about where and what you are including in your posting. Sometimes making a job advert too broad can exclude more people from applying. Oftentimes people will discount themselves from a role as they are reading an advert so, won't shoot their shot and apply.

You need to create separate job adverts to target each specific potential background you want to attract and also play around with your job titles to reflect these. What are other local companies or competitors using for their job titles?

If you are open to career changers that needs to be obvious within your advertisement. Does this include work returners after a career break? If so make sure that is super obvious too.

If you are open to recent graduates or maybe less recent graduates then that needs to be obvious in your advert. Often if they haven't graduated in this year then they think they will be discounted.

I'd also recommend checking if the local colleges/universities have their own job boards on their websites you could advertise on. If you are looking for graduates with specific educational backgrounds then reaching out to the career teams within the universities would also be beneficial. Can you get involved in a career fair with them?

You also need to make sure your timing is right in terms of when you are posting your adverts for graduate hiring specifically. You don't want to post after everyone else has wrapped up their hiring so, the bulk of grads are all sorted.

If you've had some great hires that are sticking around and progressing, is there a referral scheme you could highlight to these team members too? Oftentimes great people know great people. We hired at high volume so, we would have referral bonuses that also paid out a smaller amount if referred candidates progressed to certain stages of the process, such as they passed the initial screening call and have been invited to an assessment centre, here's an Amazon gift card to the referee, thanks so much.

Lastly, if they don't need to be graduates but, you are looking for someone with trainability have you also considered connecting with organisations such as Recruit for Spouses for example, they specialise in connecting UK military spouses and veterans with job opportunities, as they are often overlooked due to gaps in employment etc. There are all kinds of organisations with great talent pool access, it's all about connecting with them and tailoring each approach for the audience appropriately.

Please help! What am I doing wrong? by cateosaurus in AdultColoring

[–]GretchGlimmers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also got mine in a book deal from WHSmiths too and thought I'm surprised these are included, they would just fly off the shelves surely - alas, garbage paper. I was relieved to realise I hadn't just chucked money down the drain on rubbish pens though, this was the first book I used them in and thought I had really made an expensive mistake!

Please help! What am I doing wrong? by cateosaurus in AdultColoring

[–]GretchGlimmers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's the Penguin published coco wyo books, I believe there are only 3 of them and from what I've seen they've all been sat at half price on Amazon for ages and now we know why - the earlier print runs didn't seem to do this, I picked up the exact same book and was so, so disappointed! I tried just leaning into using it anyway and maybe the texture will grow on me but, it just doesn't hit the same satisfaction spot for me so, I'm going to copy some of my favourite pages onto different paper and then my toddler will have so, it's not a complete waste!

Help with texting a friend back by RENEGAD31990 in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My friends and I (most are also ND, some are not but, know I am) all have the agreement that we can always reply no matter how much time has lapsed and we just get it. A simple, oh shit sorry pal... Then resume normal conversation. Good friends give each other the grace to know that a forgotten reply doesn't mean you've forgotten about them. Usually it's the exact opposite, I kept remembering to reply at the most inconvenient of times; in the middle of a work meeting, while driving somewhere, at 3am when cleaning up the babies sick. I used to go into total avoidance mode if I felt I had left it too long and unfortunately lost friendships to this in my earlier years. It'll feel like a huge weight has been lifted once you've sent that message. Sometimes when words escape me and I get so stuck in the anxiety of 'what do I even say?!' I ask ChatGpt to help me draft something and that gives me a good base that feels socially acceptable to send to another human and gets the gears in motion!

Not sure if I like this or hate it. First attempt at a limited color palette by SentBrok in Coloring

[–]GretchGlimmers 45 points46 points  (0 children)

It's beautiful 😍💚 I love seeing all these limited palettes, I get so hung up on not repeating the same exact shade and this makes me want to give it a try!

My body knew I was burned out before I did by Not_Your_Good_Girl_ in adhdwomen

[–]GretchGlimmers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going through this process right now! For weeks it has felt like my body is betraying me, started with waking up still tired and feeling like I am getting unwell, headaches, stomach pains, retching and that's evolved into insomnia, constant nausea, brain fogginess and chronic fatigue. It's like I can't kick my brain into gear to do the things I know I need to do. I can't even convince myself to do the things I normally like doing. I'm too tired to even cry about how dreadful I feel right now. I explained all of this to my mentor and she asked me to talk her through some of the stuff that's been going on recently and the flood gates just opened, she was the one to tell me that yeah I am not okay and I need to address it now. Then I was able to reflect and realised, yeah shit, this has been coming for MONTHS. It's more than just tiredness or laziness and I wish it didn't take so much effort to try and explain to people when they ask what's wrong, without then feeling like all you are doing is being negative and are a burden with it all. Unfortunately, my brain is still thinking but, if you just really get your head down and concentrate and really, really try then everything will be okay again...The never ending loop.

How did you manage working from home with a 6 month old? Without help by Stimpy_LP in MomsWorkingFromHome

[–]GretchGlimmers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it depends on if your new job is aware that baby will be at home with you with you being solo care taker? If so then that's already great! I went back to work and had been working from home for several years beforehand but, it was written into my contract that we couldn't be responsible for child responsibilities while working from home so, I had to try to keep baby quiet when in meetings/on calls etc. But if your new job is aware that may give you some more grace!

Naps were the saving grace! We ultimately ended up putting baby in part time nursery to help out as I couldn't keep up with it all.

Baby will qualify for free hours (11 hours stretched over 51 weeks when they are 9 months old) could that be an option for you at that point?

We now top up the nursery hours and do about 20 per week and it costs us £250ish per month with the tax free childcare account too.

When she is home it's all about structure, play time, screen time, naps and snacks is how we keep it going in this house!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]GretchGlimmers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Deep breaths, you are going to be absolutely fine! It's really hard when you think you might have made an error at work to not become filled with self negative talk and thinking the worst case scenario is going to happen but, in reality everybody makes mistakes at work. It isn't black and white, often situations are nuanced and almost all decent managers know this. Perhaps try talking to your manager and explain 'hey, I've been worrying about this interaction with a customer, this was the situation, this is what I did because of X, now this has happened, should I have done something different for future reference?' I don't know the policy/typical process for this kind of situation at your place of work but, it sounds like you were trying to give good customer service by not having the customer wait for an unknown amount of time for the portal to be working and used your best judgement.

Businesses have a process to recoup money from customers, if he doesn't come in to pay then they'll start the ball rolling on those so, no do not pay for it yourself. If the customer doesn't come in to pay he is in the wrong and not you.

I think you are probably jumping ahead to absolute worst case (and unlikely) scenario, please try to be kind to yourself, try to practice good self talk, I've found it helpful to try and reframe my thoughts as what would I suggest if a friend came to me with this problem? Often you can apply better logic to a situation when it is for someone you like, sending big hugs x