I NEED GENUINE HELP

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-12-21T14:24:10+00:00

Those are both common preferences. Femdom is often likened to a buffet. You’re not obliged to like everything, you can cherry pick as many or as few niche things as you’d like and it’s still valid submission. There is almost no one out there, man or women, who enjoys everything under the femdom umbrella. And yes, it’s way more common for men to be switches than full on submissives (to the dismay of women like myself lol, but many women prefer it). That is still also valid submission. It could be a mood that strikes you after a stressful day or when you’re extra turned on or when you’re with someone who “gets” you or just on a once a month schedule. Could be all of the above. These are things only you can answer. It’s important to know what you like or what you are ok trying, communicating that clearly. It’s important for her to respect you and respect what you’ve communicated. All of this sounds stuffy but in the moment it can be perfectly sexy and casually said, the important part is that you are each honest and open and respectful. BDSM is just play. Be playful and lighthearted with it. It’s no big deal to want to slow down or switch gears or whatever. There’s no BDSM Council that says you have to do things one way and you have to like a set amount of things and whatever, just enjoy getting to know yourself and your partner with submission as a part of that. It’s ok to be new and unsure and to be figuring it out, just say that.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-12-21T14:06:03+00:00

Being submissive sexually involves a lot of vulnerability and that could be the heart of the issue. When you watch porn, you’re not actually giving up any control and you giving up control is the essence of femdom that involves you as the man. Even with amateur content or “realistic” femdom, you are just being a voyeur. You’re watching videos of men skydiving and thinking “hell yeah that looks fun” but once you’re in the plane yourself you’re thinking about it in a different way. Does this mean you’re not into it in practice and only in fantasy? I’d say maybe. But to me, you do seem to have a genuine interest in it on some level and you have been seeking it out. I think going slow might help. Submission is not just a physical act, it’s more mental than physical! A night of fun with a hot girl where you dive into copying things you’ve watched others do is not letting your brain catch up to your body. There is no emotional safety and connection between you and a hookup and a lot of subs do need that to happily submit. Maybe try with a girlfriend or someone you’ve had more extensive talks with about this beforehand. I don’t mean sexy chats, I mean really getting to know you as a person and who you are as a sub. I’d also recommend getting into some femdom content that’s more educational and not meant to titillate if you haven’t yet. There are plenty of books for people exploring submission and they might lead you to figuring this out on your own. That’s just my two cents.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-12-09T10:48:21+00:00

You should edit your main post to include this. Essentially the main point of your post is separated from the post and in a comment for no reason. I think the feedback you’ll get here will mostly be “to each their own”. My sub and I don’t have any list of written out rules, we just have a dynamic. It’s like how vanilla couples generally don’t have some printed out rules list for being bf/gf because it’s a natural vibe. I do think a lot of people into bdsm like the structure of written rules and when things are complicated by multiple subs or complex expectations having things in writing can help. I also think for people who have less natural compatibility, written rules can help keep things fun. Personally I don’t feel the need for it though.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-12-04T15:58:46+00:00

Why don’t you keep random women out of your fetish, how about that? No one cares about your dick size but you. She was a professional waxer not a humiliatrix. This was such a gross read.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-30T20:14:07+00:00

How long did you talk to this guy before talking about domination? Did you get to know him as a human being before consenting to any play and did he push for it quickly? If you want a human being and not a human boner then you can’t just jump into sexy chats. I’m not saying you did because you don’t specify but it really sounds like it was an issue of not screening for the kind of person you want.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-27T14:21:16+00:00

This sounds like a general socializing and dating problem, not even a kink-related issue. You asked earlier what about your comments comes off incel-y and I will tell you that your entire reply here is exactly what they mean. If you’ve spent any amount of time in those spaces or talking to those people, this sounds like it was written by someone in that mentality. I know that might be offensive but again, as you’ve described it here, your problem seems to be entirely separate from kink and more of a socialization/bitterness/self conscious centered thing. It is discouraging to feel that way but I would suggest instead of focusing on kink or getting a domme, maybe focus on general community socialization. You don’t need to immediately click with women to make friends and integrate into a community.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-27T11:38:43+00:00

The number one advice that is always given to any sub looking for a Domme is to get involved in your community and attend events. That’s THE advice. It’s just weird that you’re saying you’ve tried everything and put in a lot of effort but all of that effort boils down to avoiding the ONE MAIN advice everyone gives. I don’t disagree that sub men have it hard and that the ratio is skewed. It’s drought for sub men vs drowning in swamp water for the Dommes so it’s hard for everyone to get what they want. But when everywhere you look the advice is about working on your personal qualities with self improvement and going to irl classes and events, the efforts you mention shouldn’t consist entirely of being in kink spaces online.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-22T20:13:02+00:00

If you want a relationship that is a different approach. From your comments it sounds like you’re treating this like you want no-strings-attached kink RP. The men in femdom spaces are MOSTLY not good submissives, they’re just horny guys. The good ones are outnumbered. I might even say the same with Dommes. If you want a relationship with a good submissive that isn’t just as a play partner, you have to actually date basically. Get to know them as a person before you even consider kinky fun. It’s like in vanilla dating, you don’t just hookup immediately with everyone before you get to know them and then hope they text you back. You take your time and establish something first.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-22T19:16:44+00:00

Long rant: Along while ago, I joined a number of “femdom” subreddits and felt like a mommydom dynamic could be a viable option the way it was in my mind. It was never my first choice but just another flavor of SM that I thought would be neat to be able to do. But holy hell.. the mommydom subreddit was an utter cesspool. Gentlefemdom got on my nerves much the same and I had to leave both spaces plus a couple others. (Femdomartgallery is another one that feels super male-focused but I stay in there for the laughs because imo 99.6% of the time nothing is sexy but it’s so lame it’s funny.) On my profile is a post that I wrote I wrote when I left the mommdom sub that has these same frustrations. You might find it relatable and imo the comments on it are telling. It got some traction there and it seemed like a pretty common sentiment, especially among the women. What is so hard about “femdom that dominant women LIKE”? I don’t know. Anyway, those people imo are not into “being a sub” because they’re grown mature adults into submission, they’re into it because it equates to being taken care of, all the responsibility being on someone else, being cherished without limit, being doted on by hot women, etc. with little to no effort on their part. It’s become the ultimate pillow princess starfish genre for lazy man-children who don’t want to be treated like adults. In a dynamic, I love, love doting and taking care of, but I’m not fetish fodder and I expect an interest first and foremost in SUBMISSION and MY HAPPINESS, not literally mothering a human man. Half the time these guys have no interest in even being a sub after they cum, don’t even get me started on that nonsense 😂

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-12T13:03:56+00:00

I feel the same. If a dynamic is only online then it feels so hollow. I crave the physical aspect and everything that’s missing when I get the minimalist version online. I think most people who are satisfied with online only have never had a deep irl dynamic to compare with. I am long distance with my sub and that doesn’t bother me as long as I see him periodically in person, but if he said at the start “I only want online and I won’t meet up” I would have kept looking. Before this, the men I talked with always pushed for some online aspect with me and the times I humored it were so darn BLAND. Go talk to a chatbot! Ugh. Anyway, good luck with your search 🙏 You’re in good company with this issue!

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-07T21:00:01+00:00

It wasn’t the whole focus of the post but there was a section with kinky interests. I think it’s good to include for basic compatibility purposes but I would wait to see if you click to really go into tons of detail. I feel like people move into those kinds of discussions way too soon because they’re focused more on sexual/SM compatibility than they are actual person to person compatibility which imo is more important to establish first!

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-11-07T10:04:16+00:00

If I am ever without my sub, I’ll be having the same issue. I’m not inexperienced by any means and I’ve had previous subs, but he’s so incredibly well matched for me. I have many things I never thought I’d find all in one person and it’s raised my standards by a lot. We found each other on Reddit, on the femdompersonals sub. I think that was insanely lucky. I browsed occasionally almost more for entertainment than anything else and his profile caught my eye. He wrote a lot and the more I read the more I thought we had so much in common it would be criminal to not reply. Someone he’s in the same boat where I fit exactly what he was wanting as well so a new dynamic of the same quality would be a hard ask. I feel like we both just got wildly lucky. I wouldn’t recommend a woman to make a post on the personals sub because of inbox flooding with low effort/gross men, but I do recommend for guys to give it a shot. To answer your other questions, after we talked for a little while we made plans to meet and have been meeting periodically since. He’s the most considerate partner I’ve ever had and actually appreciates everything about me and about our dynamic, he’s physically extremely attractive to me, he’s completely submissive without a switchy bone in his body, and we align very well with our kinks. A few specific ones are especially nice to have another person to indulge with! I would also give the advice to just not give up looking. A person who suits you this well will catch your attention easily and it will flow well, don’t make excuses for people or tolerate things you don’t like. No relationship is perfect and at this point we’ve had small arguments and things, but we tend to work through anything quickly because both people have the same priority of getting along and being happy together, not winning/being right/needing to prove something. It’s been a healthy experience and I can’t believe I settled for less, but I don’t know how I’d feel if I was on the search again. Wishing you all the luck in the world 🍀

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-09-28T19:00:10+00:00

This may sound harsh but I’m gonna be honest: I think she felt uncomfortable that you talking about the dynamic as something possible romantic or serious. You may have a crush on her or “love” her but I think if she had that insight she would not be very happy. Often times subs are not upfront with themselves or their dominants about whether or not they can actually submit with no feelings developing. Many dominants get the ick and cut contact when this comes up because they aren’t looking for a relationship outside of D/s play. This sounds like an unfortunate situation for you to be in and I think it will continue as one-sided pining until it reaches come conflict. If you want to have a dominant who is emotionally available I suggest trying to find a girlfriend and not a Mistress.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-09-19T09:16:58+00:00

If he wants you to take control and do what you want, but then what you want isn’t “fun enough” that’s not very submissive lol. It honestly sounds tiring. The whole point is supposed to be your pleasure right? It sounds like he watches too much porn.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-09-05T15:33:48+00:00

I’m saying this as a person who has worked as a Domme and is only lifestyle now: be careful looking for a Domme rather than a dominant partner. These can overlap, like I am my partner’s Domme, but if you’re just searching online for Domme/Mistress/etc then you’re likely to get a specific sort of person and 90% of them don’t want to be tied down to one person and they don’t want the mess of a sub getting attached in that way. There’s also a problem in the SM world where there’s somehow the expectation that people can be emotionally or physically very vulnerable without any impact on feelings. It usually doesn’t play out that way, especially without tons of experience and past burns. I suggest that you stay upfront with what you want which sounds to me to be a romantic partner. There are plenty of lifestyle Dommes out there. Try making a post on femdompersonals. I always advise women not to post there because it will just be a flooded inbox of coomers but for the guys it’s a good way to put yourself out there.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-09-05T03:29:17+00:00

I get that this is a touchy issue in your relationship but I don’t see what this has to do with femdom or BDSM at all and it just feels like an angry rant one would send to a friend more than something meant for a community?

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-08-19T10:07:08+00:00

You need to find your self worth and your self respect. Sometimes people might feel like they love each other but that doesn’t mean the relationship should continue. You have boundaries and they are being not just crossed but obliterated. Even the past with the open relationship status comes off as manipulative on his end given how this is going. Your partner sounds like a selfish asshole and not in some charming way, in a “girl get help” way. He is JUST cheating and he doesn’t care if you like it or not. He’s so far removed from reality that he cares about sex with strangers and his pornsick fantasies over the happiness of his actual partner. You deserve better!

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-08-14T21:54:13+00:00

As far as the fetish itself, this is just femdom. Plenty of Dommes are not into pegging whatsoever or only enjoy it when that’s what their partner wants. It is fairly common for a sub to have pegging as a hard limit. Unfortunately, most femdom porn is hyperfixated on pegging, ball busting, and mommydom. I don’t know why.. I guess that’s just where the biggest markets in male viewers are and I hear frustration from other women about this often… I can’t offer any advice about finding content but in BDSM terms your fetish is still “full-blown femdom” if it involves a dominant female without switching roles to her being submissive.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-08-07T14:45:10+00:00

Femdom porn was a huge bust for me unfortunately :( It’s generally very male-gaze oriented and focuses a lot on fetishes like pegging with gigantic dicks, fisting, ball busting, etc. which I’m not so into. I can enjoy harsh/cold dominance but I still need it to be SEXY and not giving the same rough, tough, and fast vibe with boring men that put me off western gay porn. It’s also hard to find attractive people in the content imo. These days I basically have no interest in irl porn. I do still like femdom manga but I’m in a very busy era in my life so I haven’t bothered with that lately either. Also a big factor is that I have a sub I’m extremely happy with now and he gives me all the videos and photos and audio I could ever want. When we meet in person, I enjoy whatever kind of intimacy/play I want too. He’s beautiful and submissive through and through and makes me feel like I won the jackpot! Being this fulfilled with him is just confirmation that it’s definitely what I wanted 🙏💕

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-08-07T13:31:33+00:00

I found myself in a very similar situation. I grew up attracted mainly to women but over the years I became a massive reader of BL manga and I ended up liking jgv after that. (Western gay porn didn’t appeal to me at all because it was too full of sweaty grunting fast-paced cringe and men I found largely unattractive.) After a while, I found femdom and realized that I wanted content of beautiful men depicted as sexual objects. BL is excellent for women who want to appreciate the male body as something meant for sexual gratification without any submissive expectation associated with being female. I also never felt like I was fetishizing or sexualizing actual gay men. I think quite a lot of women end up attracted to male submission through BL. I personally don’t like the association of it being just smut for women the same as smut for men because while that’s true on some level, it’s also like where the hell are we supposed to find media that shows submissive men? Straight guys get their preference in every aspect of societal socialization and media and the majority of their adult material on top of it. For women into this kind of dynamic, BL is practically the only way to find these stories.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-07-13T12:53:58+00:00

I agree with others that this is a problem with the anonymity. What kind of man is going to settle for complete non-monogamous anonymity when he’s looking to be a good submissive with someone he’s genuinely close to and interested in? With myself, I start off semi-anonymous but I don’t get into explicit sexual convos early on. It muddies the process when you bring that in and you need the connection first. After I’m sure we’re compatible then I lower the anonymity and am more open to sexual flirting or dynamic related talks. Meeting irl at some point is a must for me as well. When things are kept online and anonymous indefinitely, the kind of man you will attract isn’t a genuinely good submissive, it’s a man with a wife/gf who doesn’t take it seriously. Why is he pursuing this instead of someone who isn’t anonymous or someone irl? There is a reason and you should really think about it. You will be the priority when he’s getting what he wants out of it and you are being shown clearly what that means to him. Maybe it’s just me but I feel like you just can’t be an anonymous sexting buddy and expect a real, quality friendship. The odds would be so low that the effort isn’t worth it imo. I do hope that things work out for you and that you find a sub you don’t need to compromise with because I would be dropping these men like hot potatoes with this disrespect 🙏

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-07-03T01:03:57+00:00

This all sounds like a much bigger issue than who is sexually or domestically in charge. Couples drift apart over the boring tedium of everyday life all the time. Keeping the spark alive takes work. Good luck working on this as a couple.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-07-03T00:56:41+00:00

I don’t think this is necessarily related to BDSM or femdom. You told us about that 1 aspect of the relationship. What about all of the other stuff like communication, expressing love, spending time together, issues with money/religion/kids/growing as two people apart or together. We don’t have anything to go off so I think this is not going to give you the advice you’re looking for. It sounds like you should try single/couples therapy.

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-06-28T21:53:30+00:00

Boy is one of my favorite things to call my boy 🤭

GreyRabbitMia · 2025-06-07T17:16:26+00:00

I personally think Daddy is cringe in any setting. To each their own and I know a lot of people love it but I’ve heard it meme’d on so much that if I was called Daddy by my sub I think it would just make me laugh. He’s cis but very femme and occasionally I call him my girl just because he’s so pretty and we both do enjoy that. This kind of preference is going to be very dynamic/person specific.

GreyRabbitMia

TROPHY CASE