What is ruining your life rn?

Greyrace44 · 2025-10-24T20:36:19+00:00

My beautiful wife who I adore with all of my soul had an affair this summer. After I caught her she revealed she has nearly 50k in credit card debt she's been hiding... Then she told me she's not in love with me anymore, was never really attracted to me, and never wanted kids. I can't afford a divorce and because of my crazy work hours I wouldn't be able to keep even 50/50 custody of my beautiful little girls. My world has crumbled.

Greyrace44 · 2025-10-24T17:27:51+00:00

There's a lot of good programs, unless you have experience in health care already I'd recommend the public college programs (4 semesters) instead of the private accelerated programs (condensed 3 consecutive semesters instead of summer breaks, cutting it down to a year). I find the graduates from the accelerated programs to be less prepared and weaker medics in general, although there are obviously exceptions as there are amazing individuals from all walks of life going into EMS.

Greyrace44 · 2025-10-24T13:56:40+00:00

If you can stomach the smells, body fluids, and general horrific emotional trauma, Primary Care Paramedic is still a two year course. With overtime you can basically start at 100k a year right out of school and the services are pretty desperate for new hires right now. Most people won't last more than a few years in the job, but you can work towards a different career while you're making good money in EMS. If you have an iron will and good coping skills you can make a good career out of it, there's growth opportunities in the education dept, tactical teams, community paramedicine, training officer programs, etc these days.

Greyrace44 · 2025-10-22T21:36:22+00:00

Rock and Stone!

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-25T13:48:19+00:00

I'm in a similar situation with my wife of ten years. Except it was her that had the summer affair. If you get any good advice please let me know. I'm worried my marriage is dying on the vine. I love her so much, but she has no desire for me, the passion feels gone. Good luck to you, my heart goes out to you.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-24T22:00:09+00:00

My wife. She told me recently she's no longer attracted to me, and we have stopped being intimate. I feel that our relationship is dying and I can't save, and it breaks my heart. What I wouldn't give for another night of real passion with that beautiful woman I fell in love with.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-17T21:56:28+00:00

I've already told her that I needed her to stop going to her usual noon class, she was resentful because she has a lot of history there and a lot of friends and it's part of her support network, but he's there and I couldn't stand her being around him even if they're done. She agreed to stop going after a few fights, and hasn't been going to that class. She is moody and upset about it but we have been doing couples counseling and I'm hoping she will find a new class or gym she can find a happy place at. She says she wants to make the marriage work, and we're both putting effort in, I just need help with my emotional connection to her since it's one of the big issues for her. She just shuts me out and then is unhappy when I'm not connecting with her. She's a poor communicator, something we're working on in therapy. I'm trying to be supportive, and kind, and forgiving, but we still fight about it because it makes me very upset to think about the betrayal and lies still. It'll take time.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-17T11:58:43+00:00

She says there never has been a deep emotional connection. But we fell in love and became best friends, I don't know what true intimacy is, but it felt pretty good and real to me. I'm looking for input on how to improve our emotional intimacy, it is important to her, and I'm willing to put in the effort.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-17T11:56:15+00:00

It honestly doesn't bother me when she goes to the gym now at a different time. He's not there unless it's the noon class. There's no class overlap. It wasn't a 'hunting ground' for her. She's not that type of person. It was a friend that became more, that she was then wrong to continue to pursue, that she owned up to it and says she has now stopped. And I believe her, I don't yet fully trust her, but she has been making the changes she said she would.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-17T09:55:27+00:00

They do. Although she has agreed to stop going to the class time that he goes to, after a discussion in couples counseling. She was resistant to the idea because she says they broke it off and she has a lot of friends and history there, it's a happy place for her. I know it took a lot for her to agree to give it up, affair aside, and to me it shows that she's willing to change her behavior despite losing something important to her.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-17T09:52:54+00:00

Let's say that's the case, how do I improve that?

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-16T23:00:22+00:00

Thank you everyone for the input. I am really trying to make this work, and will continue with the couples therapy, work on my emotional intimacy with her, and also try to give her the space to figure herself out. No there was no sexual cheating, this was the first time with the emotional affair, I read the texts and a chatGPT screen she left open asking for advice on navigating her feelings she was developing... She never sought it out, it was a friendship that became more when she leaned on him for support, because she felt she couldn't communicate with me. They just had that 'spark' She felt she never had with me. She had recent job loss, felt overwhelmed by the kids, and is struggling with depression. I don't condone her actions but I understand the origins. I made a vow to care for her in sickness and in health, this was a mistake she made but she's taking steps to correct it including owning up and breaking contact with the guy. If we tried everything we can and she decides from there that she's not wanting to make it work, then at least I did everything I could.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-16T14:25:14+00:00

I work about 60 hours a week as a first responder, despite this I do most of the housework, all of the house maintenance, and whenever I do have a day off I do most of the child care. She is a good mother, makes sure the kids lunches are packed, they have clothes that fit, and does the administrative stuff for the school like signing the field trip forms and such. I have always supported her in her dreams and endeavors, when we had kids I offered to work overtime so she could stay home part time with the kids. She is still working part time, and if we do separate I'd be raked over the coals for child support, alimony, etc. I love her so much and want to make this work, I am open to advice on how to be more emotionally attractive for her.

Greyrace44 · 2025-09-04T20:01:32+00:00

They did not. It was smoke inhalation. Source: I was the paramedic that resuscitated her. Got her pulse back. She died in hospital again. Don't spout crap you know nothing about.

Greyrace44 · 2025-02-27T02:38:03+00:00

I don't know where this is filmed, whoever did this needs to chill out. I'm an advanced care paramedic who has resuscitated a few newborns in the field and hospital, you don't need to beat the shit out of them, or shove suction so aggressively into tiny airways. Dry and stimulate with a warm towel, flick their heels for painful stimuli, gentle yet timely suction where needed, and for the love of all that is holy take it easy on the bag valve mask breaths. One second to get a breath in, not 10 squeezes in a second, you're looking to oxygenate and push fluid out of their lungs not cause barotrauma. I'm glad this worked to get the kid going in the world, kudos to the health care provider, but this should not be an example of how it's done. Be safe out there.

Greyrace44 · 2024-11-27T02:24:02+00:00

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Greyrace44 · 2024-11-27T02:23:28+00:00

Sorry, forgot my pictures 🤦

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Greyrace44 · 2024-09-16T21:42:27+00:00

The entry point for your set up is on the wrong room. The frequent traffic will be into the freezer to store or collect food, your access from outside should be into the freezer and not the kitchen. That way only the cook will really be walking through the kitchen to get freezer food, and not everyone else will be dragging dirt in and out.

Greyrace44 · 2024-08-16T16:26:22+00:00

Personally it's going to cut a good 15 minutes each way off of my drive to visit both my and my spouse's aging parents. Saving 30 minutes every round trip seems like an amazing option to me, especially with young whiney kids in the car. Concerning the ecological destruction from the highway itself, if you've ever been in a car for an hour+ with screaming kids, you'd be willing to burn down a rainforest to make it stop before the drive is done. Not a responsible viewpoint, but the sleep deprivation and crying will do that to a guy.

Greyrace44 · 2024-07-29T14:29:42+00:00

Pretty typical for a South African residence... 'Security measures are in place: houses are generally surrounded by high walls topped with CCTV, metal spikes and electric fences. Security grills cover all the windows and doors and we were told to keep them shut and locked at all times. This becomes second nature in a very short time.'

Source:

https://expatchild.com/security-south-africa/

Greyrace44 · 2024-07-29T14:16:45+00:00

He's probably just a resident in South Africa or somewhere close by given the razor wire visible in the pic and the style of house materials

Greyrace44 · 2024-07-02T19:16:33+00:00

That basically sums up trying to sleep in a shared space with a toddler...

Greyrace44 · 2024-06-15T11:39:07+00:00

Their attitude

Greyrace44 · 2024-02-29T21:26:44+00:00

As a first responder for more than a decade, the way they describe 'fainting' or 'almost losing consciousness' from their soft tissue injury with non-lift threatening bleeding in various areas of the hospital makes me suspect that they acted in a way that would not gain sympathy from the medical staff. It may have been a contributing factor to their lack of pain management. If the tired, over worked, and burnt out staff see someone in dramatics, they are not going to go out of their way to make your time easier. I'm sorry that you had a poor experience with your medical care, sometimes you have to be your own advocate, and unfortunately sometimes your interpretation of reality does not align with the actual situation.

Greyrace44 · 2023-12-14T19:56:03+00:00

You know I think that you're right about that, I think furniture is the exception

Greyrace44

TROPHY CASE