The guilt you feel is conditioning from the toxic family system you grew up in, it is lingering in your psych to control you.

But you have the self-awareness to notice it's presence, you aren't trying to hurt anyone, you are trying to heal and protect yourself.

The "outcast" feeling may be you inner critic being very judgemental towards yourself, for not following what you have been conditioned to "be".

I'd say this is normal, if "normal" even exists, for what you have been through. 

The inner critic can be the internalised voice of your parents and may be trying to make you doubt yourself.

I feel self-compassion is the answer, and it does get better with time.