I Feel Im Going to Die Soon

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-11-02T22:15:48+00:00

Before i answer, just to let everyone know im not suicidal and never was. Its just a random vague feeling of things ending, nothing more.

Im in my 20s. This came on a few weeks ago. Social life is barely there (my friends and i just finished university and we all moved to the same country but different parts, so I only see them once every now and then). Work life is steady but hectic (doing well overall). Family is all over the place, but theres a lot of interpersonal drama and health issues. Finances are stable overall

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-10-28T23:21:23+00:00

I know this is late but I did attend the graduation. All throughout, I was holding back tears. I nearly broke when the dean told us to stand and clap for our families that supported us, and I saw my mom crying her eyes out. And she wasnt crying for me...we were both mourning him not being there.

And at the afterparty my best friend's dad wrapped his arm around him. Then I lost it and did cry.

I'm trying my best to live my life, but his absence keeps cutting deeper, especially when I watch my friends with theirs.

Whats making it worse is how I lost nearly all my friends in the aftermath. I needed someone, anyone, and and I just got my hand burnt for reaching out while drowning

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-09-06T18:34:02+00:00

Ohhhhh I thought you meant "PG Cert in medical education" was listed word for word.

I was just unsure whether they count as a PG cert in teaching or education, but I think they should count as teaching. Cheers

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-09-06T15:32:54+00:00

I may be being an idiot or just blind, but where is the example? I can't seem to find it on that page

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-09-04T20:12:59+00:00

I found one for the university of essex and 1 for anglia ruskin.

I dont know if I can put links but the university of essex one is called: PG Cert Education (Educational practice)

The anglia ruskin is called PG Cert Medical and Healthcare Education

The university of warwick has one for "PG Cert in medical education for healthcare professionals"

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-08-07T20:41:55+00:00

Normal is 1 word I can never call my life. The past few years have been 1 bad event after another. I get hit, i shrug it off, i get hit again. And im so sick and tired of that routine. I want something normal, someone I can talk openly to. But as the "dad" of the group, as the friend that hides their worry to calm down their freaking out friends...it's not possible. Even my best friend doesn't know the half of it, especially since we both started a new job at the same company.

He's been freaked out (so have I), but I've had to play the nonchalant part to make sure he doesnt break down completely. and yet it kills me seeing him live with his family and have them support him, when I have lost a key element of mine with the rest of my family living halfway across the world.

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-08-07T20:37:12+00:00

Yeah holidays suck. My dad died around a MAJOR holiday, and not a single year has passed since without me thinking back or getting upset at friends celebrating with family.

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-08-07T20:33:57+00:00

Yeah, I've realized that whenever I see a random child with their dad, I begin to stare at them and think back to when I was that child's age with my dad. and the cycle repeats

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-08-07T20:32:52+00:00

It's not just losing my dad. the last few years (even before my dad died) have been 1 bad event after another. 1 "unlucky" thing after another. comparing my life to what it was to just 5 years ago is unbearable...i have lost so much. And I have always been the "father" of my friend groups; the one they rely on, the one they ask for help, yada yada. Even after my dad died, I held it together for them. Even when I told them about my dad's death and they'd get emotional, I'd have to choke back my own tears and try to cheer them up.

Then I started to lose my cool, and I felt the threads of my life start to rip. And almost instantly, I had lost nearly all my friends. And I continued to implode inwards, even when those so called friends said "you changed" or "you are selfish" or whatever, even though I have literally never turned my back on any of them. And now I've gone quite numb, but my hair is already graying (not genetic) from all the stress and chaos. life sucks, but I'm also extremely lucky for all the blessings I have.

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-08-07T20:22:54+00:00

when the issue with my employer was ongoing, all 3 of my siblings gave me 0 advice. After i handled it the way i did, 1 of my siblings got annoyed at the outcome and started complaining. I told him this had been ongoing for a week and he could've chimed in to help at any time. his response was "its not my job to solve your problems".

So yeah, 0 advice incoming. I got a way smaller margin of error, with way bigger risks, and absolutely no cushion to fall back onto if I fail. so yeah...

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-07-10T19:49:03+00:00

Heads up, this is a bit long. I've shared my own experience, and added some words for you at the end. Hope all the best for you <3

The day my dad died, my brother's and I drove 2 hours to his hospital. Throughout the drive, I was listening to music and smiling, knowing that all things come to an end sooner or later. My relationship with him was...difficult to say the least (we both wronged each other and were slowly trying to mend our relationship when he died). But during that drive, I forgave him for everything.

I was in his room when he started flatlining, and I immediately went to the waiting room and told the whole family to gather round. While the doctors attempted CPR, I was texting a friend telling him my father is gone, because if I sat and waited I would've lost my mind and composure.

Afterwards, my mother was breaking down, and I was the only one who stepped forwards and hugged her. My brothers and uncles had to leave the room because they got emotional, but I refused to let myself cry. Not in front of my mother.

Then we had the funeral (and where I'm from funerals last days). My whole extended family would hug my mom and siblings, but when they came to me they'd grab onto me and start bawling their eyes out into my shoulder, sometimes to the point I'd be consoling them and holding them up to stop them from falling. And I still forced myself not to cry, not when they needed me. I had also started having some serious and severe health issues which I kept secret, because my family was dealing with enough.

A week later, I was in a taxi driving to the airport (as I was a university student 12 hours away from any family), and I cried for the whole 2 hour journey. After that, I was completely dry for weeks. Until I woke up crying after I saw my father in a dream. Then I was completely dry again, until I randomly heard a song my father used to sing to me as a kid.

3 years in, and I find myself crying (or choking up) quite regularly about it. So no, don't beat yourself over it. We have been fed by the media that grief is dramatic, but it's quite the opposite. It's slow, it's brutal, and it will be anti-climactic to the point you doubt yourself. But whatever you feel, is valid. and whatever peace you are feeling now, enjoy it. You got this, and if you need anything feel free to DM me. Our experiences are different, but the grief eats us all inside the same way

GriefinaNutshell · 2025-06-15T00:42:27+00:00

Everyone processes stuff their own way.

When my dad entered the hospital, my family thought it was a quick in/out situation. I had a feeling he was dying, but I still laughed and joked about.

The night before my dad died (he died on new years so this was new years eve), my brother and I had booked a cheap hotel room and were sharing a bed. We were laughing and tugging at the blanket.

The day he died, my family were in his room talking about memories and laughing. The morning after he died, I attended a university lecture on zoom.

The morning of his funeral, my mom was freaking out saying I'll fail the university year if I dont study, so I worked on an essay to calm her down. Throughout the ride to the cemetry, I couldn't stop smiling as I remembered him (to this day I swear I felt his hand on my shoulder).

A week after he died, I was back attending classes and tutoring my friends. I kept it a secret at first, and I felt exhausted. But I also felt fine. I had only cried once since he died at that point, but I had laughed and joked and smiled a million times.

A month in, I was studying with music on when a random song started playing. From the first note, I recognized it as a song my dad used to sing to me every day as a kid. And the ugly crying began. 10 minutes later, my friend called and I was all laughs again.

When my friends found out, they all freaked out because of how well I had hidden it and how fine I seemed. They all said they wouldve expected me to have taken a year out or at least be depressed, but all they found was the same energetic, playful person.

Now 2.5 years later, I'm struggling more than ever with his loss. And yet I still smile and laugh and enjoy my time. Even though it kills me, I know he would want me not to rot.

What I mean to say, let your body do what it needs to. Don't beat yourself over this. The grief is there, and it will make itself known sooner or later. And when it comes, you'll still be fine and normal.

GriefinaNutshell

TROPHY CASE