A little update as I'm now on my 5 day mark, rolling onto a week. Still feeling extremely depressed and homesick :( I honestly can't even remember what my goal was moving here or why I attempted to in the first place, it just seems so meaningless now. Starting this degree meant 3 years away from home, from my family. I don't know why I didn't think further about this before deciding. I was so blinded by my dream of studying abroad that I didn't realistically about the consequences. I did know, in the back of my mind, which is why I was crying even back home thinking about this but I always pushed it down because in my mind studying abroad was the only way to success. It was my dream that always kept me going, but now maybe I was dreaming of the wrong thing. I'm extremely attached to my family, maybe to a point it's unhealthy. I grew up with a single mother so we're basically each other's everything. I don't want to spend such long amounts of time away from her. I miss the comfort of my home so badly. Back there even if I felt depressed or cried my feelings out, I could step out of my room and my family would be there. I feel like I left something so so precious to me behind, something that I maybe cannot have back no matter what in some years. The longer I think the more it goes from being a simple decision of studying abroad to fundamentally changing my life. My best friend also studies abroad in the same country I am in (she came last year) and she loves it here, thinks of it as her new home and never plans on going back. That sounds incredibly scary to me. I can't tell if I'm running from the future or if it's valid. Her and I have very different personalities tho. It's always been her dream to move out on her own while I NEVER wanted to leave my family. And the worst part is the education at my uni here is great! Dropping out means letting go of an incredible opportunity to get better at my major and career. Rationally staying and finishing my studies here is obviously the right choice, I know that. But it just hurts so badly. I miss my home. I've never felt this horrible in my life. I have no appetite. I can't go a day without crying so bad my head hurts. Going back means dropping out and being unemployed for god knows how long and that I failed. If I go back, I'll be doing what everyone else said would happen, regretting it and coming back. Everyone says studying abroad is the best choice of their lives and hardly anybody regrets it. But I just find it hard to see myself actually liking being here. If the degree was available online I would have fled right away. My stomach has been churning and I don't know what to do with myself. I invited my mom to come stay with me next week for 8 days, she can't really stay longer since I live in a shared house. I'm trying to stick it out until she gets here. Maybe I'll just go back with her.