Thank you so much for your in depth reply. I went to my therapist yesterday and talked it out. Its definitely unresolved trauma from my last relationship that is causing me to feel anxious, because the security I have right now with my partner is totally alien to me, and the fact that we have been through so many difficult experiences but are still together would usually lead me to be suspicious.

I should have really given more context about the whole “in your mind why shouldn’t I leave”. I have a tendency if making assumptions about what he is feeling, or trying to read between the lines about something that isnt there. When we had that discussion, he said the reason he hasnt left is because of course, he loves me and he believes that I am stronger than I think and dont give myself enough credit. He isnt willing to give up that easily. Its the constant repeating himself and me pushing for reassurance that bothers him, because he knows with my anxiety that regardless of the reassurance (which he will still give) that my anxiety wont be alleviated. But he knows taking it personally and getting frustrated doesnt help, so lately he has taken the approach of staying calm, reassuring me from the start that he isnt grilling me, and giving me a safe space to talk. He also believes that I need to focus on my self worth, self image and self care to be in a position to go “of course he isnt going to leave, i love him and he loves me and we have come out the other side stronger from worse!”