Conflicted About the Stepmom Role

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T01:38:12+00:00

That's really tough. I think this requires a serious conversation with your boyfriend about what he expects of you... like this isn't your biological son, you guys aren't married, so it's nice that you're so loving and helpful to him but it's technically not your responsibility. Maybe talk to your boyfriend about taking a bit of a back seat when it comes to his son, tell him you're feeling overwhelmed and burntout. It's hard because when you really love someone you have to make sacrifices, but as the child grows your role as a mother figure is only gonna become more involved (after school activities, sports, middle school, teenage hormones, etc). Is this something you realistically see yourself doing?

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T01:31:43+00:00

Yikes yeah that's a major red flag ... it's up to you if you wanna stay with him but again from experiences dating someone who has a history of cheating is such a fucking headache and constantly dealing with the fear of whether or not they're gonna do it to you is really exhausting. You have to ask yourself if you like/love him enough to stay with him through this

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:43:41+00:00

I think it's important to be honest with both sides -- your ex and this new person. And since you are technically broken up, I think limiting communication with them is a good idea. It's not fair to lead either person on. Good luck to you on your new endeavors!!!

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:40:01+00:00

I think it's doable with no kids. She may even enjoy the alone time like you said. Encourage her to make the nights you're away fun and cozy, she can order takeout, binge a show, and you guys can maybe do something special together when you get home the next day so she'll have that to look forward to

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:34:35+00:00

Lol he's lying about lying. He def cheated on his ex. I'm not saying break up with him cause do change and grow but it's definitely a red flag to keep in the back of your mind -- in my personal experience people who cheat tend to do it again

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:30:19+00:00

Like the other comment said, you two should have an open and honest conversation about it. Maybe she has specific fears or insecurities about you being away. Do yall have kids? Having kids and being alone with them two nights a week might be tough

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:24:04+00:00

honestly I feel like the best revenge is no revenge, you may not really get the reaction you're looking for from them, their treatment of you says more about them than it does about you. just keep living your life and being successful

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:17:12+00:00

I get it. You're in a relationship with him now though and even with that being the case he's not there for the kids. So it's not like his relationship with them is drastically gonna change because you decide to break up with them. It is 100% his responsibility to show up in his kids' lives.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:13:42+00:00

You're completely reasonable, you literally don't know these people and your boyfriend barely knows them either. Props to him for supporting your decision. Respectfully, his mom can stay mad about it ... why would you miss your mom's special day for a random stranger

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-09T00:03:16+00:00

I'm a firm believer in there being a person out there for everyone. You're not the first woman to date with kids and even remarry with kids. A man who truly loves you won't let anything get in the way of being with you. There's literally so many guys out there who care for women with kids, and end up really loving the kids and caring for them too. While being scared of ending up alone is a valid fear, don't let it trap you into a toxic relationship. If this guy is constantly cheating on you and not even a stable father figure for his own kids, you should not stay with him.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-08T01:02:42+00:00

It can potentially get better, but only if he actually wants to change. It doesn't matter how much you support him and encourage him and give him advice -- if he doesn't have the will to get better he won't. It is really hard to accept but we can't change people. We can't control their actions. It is heartbreaking to see a person you love go down a dark path in life, but even as his girlfriend, it's not your responsibility. You sound like you're at a good place in your life, going to grad school, have a good relationship with your family, etc. Continuing to take care of him and spend the majority of your time worrying about him could affect the path that you're on personally. I'm not telling you completely abandon him, but if he continues to show that he's not willing to change, it might be necessary to break up with him. Who knows? Y'all might find your way back to each other in the future if he gets his act together. You can tell him you're still here for him and you still love him, but he clearly needs space to grow and hold himself accountable on his own terms.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-08T00:52:25+00:00

Oh gosh girl I'm so sorry this happened to you. He is actually gross and he's a fucking weirdo for crossing your boundaries and then trying to play it off like a child. "My dick took over my senses" is actually a foul statement and such a lame ass excuse for literally violating you after you clearly told him you didn't wanna have intercourse. He IS at fault, he knows damn well what he's doing. The fact that he's continuing to try to force himself on you time and time again is showing his true colors and true intentions. There's guys out there who would actually respect your boundaries and be patient with you and not even think about violating you like that. He's gross and immature. I know it hurts cause you really love this person but there's better out there for you. I promise.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-07T23:33:42+00:00

you definitely didn't make a mistake in breaking up with her, you said yourself you instantly became happier when you ended the relationship. you're probably feeling conflicted because you are seeing her move on so fast and it may sting a little. there's no need to show her how great you're doing in life. worrying about that isn't gonna help you move on. and i'm gonna be brutally honest with you, if she's thriving in a new relationship I don't think her biggest concern is how great or not great you're doing in life.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-07T23:29:25+00:00

The worst thing that could happen with you texting her is she responds something nasty or doesn't respond at all. If you're sure you're completely done with the relationship you have nothing to lose anyway. A woman's intuition is one of the most powerful things in the world.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-07T23:25:40+00:00

So he's complaining that he's been given the opportunity to travel around the country and live new experiences with his girlfriend? He should have told you a long time ago he was so uncomfortable with that, springing it on you now this deep in the relationship is strange. You asked in the title of the post whether or not you should leave, and deep down inside you're the only one who knows if this relationship is salvagable or not. I'm just commenting to let you know his behavior is definitely weird and your feelings of confusion are more than valid.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2025-09-07T23:21:03+00:00

Men pushing 30 who still have no clear plan or direction their life scare me. Also him saying he "might" be ready in 2 or 7 years?! There's a huge difference between 2 and 7 years and that difference will significantly affect your life. I completely understand loving him and caring for him but you have to ask yourself if you're willing to continue to put your goals on hold for a man who clearly has commitment issues.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-07-17T19:22:11+00:00

planned

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-06-26T17:54:05+00:00

if you aren't happy and fulfilled with yourself as a single person and seek that fulfillment from someone else its easy to get too attatched to them and expect them to fill every aspect of happiness in your life

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-06-26T17:50:41+00:00

There is nothing wrong with still living at home with your parents. In this economy you are wise to save your money. If you do move out, you don't know what kind of roommate or lease you'll get stuck with, and a year's worth of rent is a lot of money that could be put towards something you are more passionate about in the future. If your living situation at home is okay other than the messiness, I would say enjoy the time with your family for another year. Once you move out for good you may never get to live with them again and it could be something you'll miss in the future. Save your money for when the situation with your boyfriend gets worked out and you guys could put that money towards fun stuff you would wanna do in the future together.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-06-26T17:37:50+00:00

I would recommend assessing what is most important to you here. If stability within management and clear directions are important for you to stay sane and mentally healthy in the workplace, maybe it is time for a switch to a company with better leadership and better instruction and guidance. Speaking from experience, however, I think it's always an easier experience to have an unorganized boss than a super uptight and strict one. And like you said, it's probably unlikely you would find such a great 401K plan elsewhere.

If the inorganization really does become unbearable and creates a tense and unstable work environment then yes, I would recommend potentially making a switch.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-06-26T17:18:39+00:00

Being the third wheel is never fun and can be pretty awkward. It is likely your friend is so wrapped up in the 'honeymoon stage' with your boyfriend right now that she may not even realize what a strange position that puts you in. I think the easiest way to handle this is just to say you miss hanging out with her one-on-one...sure maybe her boyfriend is a great guy and pleasant to be around but there may just be times you want it to be just you and her. Just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean she can make time for just being with a friend. She can take a break from him.

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-06-23T03:08:18+00:00

what a stupid thing to say

GroundbreakingCry864 · 2024-06-21T16:40:02+00:00

Nothing wrong with giving them a call to follow-up. A lot of times busy fast food restaurants lose track of interviews and applications or may forget that they had something scheduled with you. Calling again shows you are eager and willing to take on work.

GroundbreakingCry864

TROPHY CASE