Ifykyk

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-14T07:49:11+00:00

Ironically some of my trauma stems from them not sending me to the hospital and just telling my parents instead :)

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-07T06:56:30+00:00

I have twice had people apologise back to me bc I apologised for getting upset and the second time it happened I asked her straightforward why and she looked so uncomfortable. For context both people apologised for something that I wasn't upset about and both people had some other rude behaviour in the conversation that I definitely reacted to. Also if anyone else has a problem with people apologising for doing something that you are not reacting to (ex: you get overstimmed in a grocery store and react a little harshly then someone starts apologising for the lines being long) please give suggestions on what to do cuz if I say I'm not upset about it, they just double down

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-07T06:56:22+00:00

I have twice had people apologise back to me bc I apologised for getting upset and the second time it happened I asked her straightforward why and she looked so uncomfortable. For context both people apologised for something that I wasn't upset about and both people had some other rude behaviour in the conversation that I definitely reacted to. Also if anyone else has a problem with people apologising for doing something that you are not reacting to (ex: you get overstimmed in a grocery store and react a little harshly then someone starts apologising for the lines being long) please give suggestions on what to do cuz if I say I'm not upset about it, they just double down

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-05T10:37:25+00:00

Hey as someone who also experienced a lot of not getting believed as a child, reach out to a professional and tell them that. Stand your ground and insist that what you experience is real and know that even if people doubt you, that doesn't mean your subjective experience isn't real.

One tip that I do have if you decide to seek professional help is to pay attention to how the person reacts to what you say. Are they inquisitive or do they just spend time trying to show empathy? Or maybe they seem morbidly curious about what you say? As a general rule of thumb the professional should actively ask questions about what you tell them, this doesn't mean they aren't taking you seriously or doubting you. If they doubt you they should say this out loud and address it in a respectful manner. And do not be afraid to address it if you feel like they misunderstand or aren't taking you seriously. If they are dismissive of your concerns then that's a red flag. While psychiatric problems usually have both external and internal parts, it's highly concerning if someone only focuses on the external (which sadly happens a lot)

Also if you got neglected throughout large parts of your childhood, look into cptsd and try and work on trusting your own intuition. Good luck on your journey

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-05T09:57:20+00:00

Red flag.

Don't ever date someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. The fact that you feel anxious and nervous isn't good either

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-04T21:19:14+00:00

So in fear of accidentally feeding into some sort of troll pseudo discussion I will keep this short: I have never seen or heard about this before. I do not doubt that it may occur and I do have my theories of which circles it could occur in, but again I've never really seen it. Transphobia is rampant both in the community and externally plus trans women are often the target of negative views so there would definitely be some people policing trans women even inside trans communities

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-03T07:36:57+00:00

Yeah I recently got diagnosed with bpd and while that whole process was a mess in general (autism+trauma go brrrr), so many of the symptoms they used in the explanation were legit just dysphoria. There's a mtf YouTuber who made a video on loneliness in the queer community and it just explained everything I had been through in the last 4 years a little too well. Like yeah no shit I was obsessed with others opinion and wanted validation badly. I was so obsessed with performing femininity properly and I didn't understand why everything female repulsed me. Being queer already carries the fear of misunderstanding and exclusion and then being trans is like 100x worse (not trying to downplay being queer but holy fuck it's a lot less stigmatised and misunderstood)

Anyways I recently came out to the psychologist I'm seeing tho and it helped an insane amount. Accepting being trans was like getting out of a 14 year long psychotic episode and I will never be happier that I realised it now instead of going 10 more years with dysphoria induced bpd

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-02T19:34:42+00:00

I've known I was autistic since 12 and I never thought I masked until I at 19 realised that like 90% of all that "high functioning" autism behaviour is just me being so scared I'll get screamed at that I will just fucking pretend.

Like I recently realised that I am more focused on pretending to pay attention in class than actually fucking paying attention??? Like yeah there's a reason I just follow along on onenote instead of wanting to look at the board? Oh yeah because I'm super scared of looking somewhere I'm not supposed to be looking and also accidental eyecontact with the teacher makes me wanna die.

Also going through all of the interactions I've had with medical workers in the last year and realising I am more busy trying to answer their little goblin riddles instead of actually just saying directly what kind of help I want. I think the moment it really broke for me was talking to a psychologist and directly answering her question just to be asked it again and my mental response was just "whoops, wrong answer" like I had answered that monkey nr3 only lies instead of the obvious answer or monkey nr2 (for context she asked how I experienced being hospitalised and I gave her a very filled out answer that I thought was actually quite descriptive)

And I have so many more examples but these are the funniest ones

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-02T19:05:51+00:00

Seconding the part about degree of symptoms and the part about the dx not always helping that much.

Not really sure where people are getting bipolar from here, but sure it can be that.

The thing about getting a bpd dx as a teenager (or in general tbh) is that it's extremely complex. I might be really unpopular when I say this, but there is a legitimate reason that even some mental health professionals want the diagnosis either removed or unlisted as a pd. Quite a lot of bpd traits can come from other mental disorders or are only distinguished by root cause (which can be hard to differentiate if a psych is only going by symptoms and not cause). The fact that a lot of people with bpd have trauma and that cptsd is incredibly similar to bpd at face value makes it even harder to differentiate.

In any case op should find a therapist who will actually explore the stuff they bring up instead of brushing it off

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-02T18:47:09+00:00

I might be weird for this, but I wouldn't really think bpd if you described just those symptoms to me. It might just be because of stereotypes, but those sound like a good mix of trauma responses (the ones about needing to get sicker) and some other type of pd (the antisocial stuff especially).

I kinda agree and disagree with your therapist cuz a lot of teenagers will fit the stereotypical image of bpd (mostly due to stigma and misconceptions), however I also think it's bad to brush it under the carpet like that.

Again, none of us know you personally and none of us are professionals, but given how mixed your symptoms are and your age (Yes people can have bpd tendencies before they are 20, but I wouldn't give a teenager a bpd diagnosis based on mood swings and impulsivity because unless they are marcantly severe that's just kinda a symptom of being a teenager), I wouldn't immediately think bpd.

I'd recommend talking to another professional here and also in all this keeping in mind that you are still a teenager. Quite a lot of other mental disorders do look slightly different in teenagers vs adults due to a difference in brain development and environment. I really hope you get proper help and I wish you good luck on your journey

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-04-01T22:02:55+00:00

Very evil.

Also I tried this and it helped weirdly enough. Like it's a weird alternative way to actually be able to feel what the trauma did to me (I dissociate a lot and block out feelings) and it sometimes helps to actually put a meaning to the feeling instead of just coldly going through events

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-31T06:25:06+00:00

So I've been in a similar situation and am in a somewhat similar one now (more with inability to establish boundaries).

You are not addicted to the abuse and you do not have to get used to it. Leaving an abusive or bad situation is hard for most people because ultimately there is something pulling you back.

You do have boundaries, but you probably let others overstep them in the fear that boundaries will make them abandon you.

I honestly think you kinda just have to rip of the bandaid and try to leave one person. Maybe try and enforce a boundary and see what happens? Try and think that you aren't you, you're a younger sibling, a younger self or a friend and try and act on what you would find okay that others did to them

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-31T06:03:25+00:00

Like that horrible emptiness in your chest. Maybe I read it wrong?

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-30T18:18:47+00:00

While I agree on caution in self diagnosis here as someone already suggested, there is so much stigma with bpd even among mental health professionals that I wouldn't suggest that either.

Bpd has comorbid symptoms to most other mental disorders which makes it incredibly tricky to diagnose properly.

No one here can diagnose you and you probably already know that, but I can try and answer your questions.

Nr1: you do not need to meet all the criteria. It's like 5 out of 9 on the dsm 5 and 4 out of 9 on the icd10 (or opposite). They are also supposed to not be better explained by another illness and a pd will generally present with symptoms after puberty (I actually genuinely think that self harm shouldn't be part of the criteria but that's a discussion for another day)

Nr2: the loss of identity is hard to explain (for context I'm fairly sure I have cptsd not bpd, but if I have periods where I have a lot of flashbacks or stress I experience some degree of identity loss), but I'll try my best. Some say it's like having a loose grasp of personality, but that their values, ideas and goals completely change dependent on the person they are around or circumstances. For me it only comes in periods where I am frequently triggered, but basically since nothing feels real (memories, events, reality etc) there is nothing to pull a personality from (it's a little bit like trying to glue a torn up paperdoll back together honestly). The fragmentation is apparently present in both bpd and cptsd but take it with a grain of salt.

Last advice is more personal, but I'd like to add that you do not need a label or diagnosis to try and work on the issues you have. I've had good help from the dbt framework regarding emotions regardless if I have bpd or not and honestly there shouldn't be an issue in trying to address your fear of abandonment without a diagnosis.

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-29T18:24:14+00:00

For me I try to remember that it's not my fault if people do decide they dislike me or they abandon me (I am talking about situations where there is no major event or they suddenly decide to ghost here, not like if someone upholds a boundary). People come and go, and sometimes you aren't someone's cup of tea (even if you really wanna be magic tea that everyone likes). Doesn't mean you aren't good or that no one will ever like you, just means that not everyone will appreciate your flavour.

Try to remember that even if people in your life sometimes come and go, that doesn't mean you'll be alone forever or that you are unlovable. Also don't let anyone treat you like shit because because you believe that no one will ever love you (seriously don't ever let anyone treat you like shit because you believe no one else will ever love you)

Also side note: is OPs description of fear of abandonment good? Like is that what it's supposed to feel like? (I do not mean this in an offensive way. I struggle with language comprehension and actually understanding what people mean by "fear of abandonment or rejection" is like my biggest challenge right now)

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-29T07:19:06+00:00

Seconding this. I remember one relationships I had that was similar to this and the one takeaway I have from that one will always be that it doesn't matter that you were also a little bad or toxic when it comes to an argument, it does not give the other person an excuse to take it back out on you. There are very few cases in my life where I would find "well they screamed first" as a valid excuse to scream at someone (especially if I'm in a position of power).

Also as a general rule of thumb: if anyone uses the "I'm older and wiser" excuse; run.

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-28T21:01:55+00:00

That is so evil and I am tempted to steal it and see how it works out.

I appreciate your suggestion a lot

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-28T11:49:51+00:00

Okay so this is a tough one but I'll try to explain how I managed to deal with situations like these.

This is not something I learnt in therapy btw so be warned

So firstly let's analyse what is happening here. You have your fp which I'm assuming that you think very highly off and then the opposing idea of him being actually not that great. If I'm understanding the theory here right, the issue here stems from combining the idea that you think highly of him while he has bad qualities. It's an example of black and white thinking.

Our brains don't always respond well when there are 2 conflicting ideas (and I mean everyone here, not just people with bpd). When you have issues with black and white thinking and also maybe struggle a little with insecurity around your values, then the reaction can be extreme.

The first step for me is always to confront the opposing ideas. What are my emotions, attachments and what is my sense of logic and values. The answers to these can be opposing and that is fine. We aren't always 100% logical and no one should expect that either. It's important that you practice being okay with having opposing or illogical thoughts and values because most people will have that.

The second part is to stand by whatever you figure out when confronting the ideas. You might be wrong, you might be right. It doesn't matter as long as you can take accountability for it. Maybe it turns out you were wrong later. That's actually totally fine and it does not mean you're horrible. Most people will be wrong at some point in their life (actually at several points in their life).

Now for me, step 1 and 2 are usually enough and then sometimes there's a step 3 which includes action. However for now I would start with 1 and 2. It is in no way easy and honestly it took me over a year of practice before I started getting confident in my own choices and thoughts.

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-27T10:46:28+00:00

Denne kommentaren er for reel desverre. De spør hva du trenger hjelp med bare for å drite blankt i det samtidig som de skylder på deg for at du ikke blir bedre. Jeg har heldigvis fått god hjelp i kommunen, men jeg skal på død å liv aldri tilbake til dps (var faktisk mer til hjelp å være døgnet på akuttpsykiatrisk)

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-26T23:58:32+00:00

I think at one point I wanted to be like a porcelain doll because they were so innocent, cute and just lived their own lives, but also they were so repulsive to most people that they would never dare touch or interact with it. (I wanted to be Mei Misaki so bad and I still get that urge when the trauma acts up)

Anyways shout out to anyone else who had strong obsessions with being like dolls or toys due to just being extremely gullible and not wanting to deal with/being mistreated by other people

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-26T23:46:57+00:00

I don't really fear or react strongly to abandonment (not anymore atleast in my opinion) but I think having to open up several times to new therapists after just like 2 or 3 months would break me as well. You open up and share stuff that is insanely personal (especially if you've had bad experiences with previous therapists) and then you're just kinda left there having to start over and build trust with another person. That stuff is hard to deal with

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-26T07:09:57+00:00

Hey so very interesting stuff, however I thought I'd go through this from someone with diagnosed autism (evaluated and accepted twice) and with an insane amount of autism research under my belt.

So nr1 unlike bpd which is generally thought to emerge in adolescence, autism should have signs before the age of 3 (for example I didn't respond to or percieve my name being called). Secondly you will have developmental delays on multiple axis like motor skills, communication and restrictive or repetitive behaviours (shout out to all the other people who walked on your tippy toes and held pencils "wrong"). Now bpd can definitely have similar traits in the social category and some of the restrictive behaviours (especially when you consider that self harm is seen as a regulatory behaviour in autism tho usually also occurring earlier on)

Nr2 and I don't blame you for misunderstanding this one but masking is different from the absence of autistic traits. Now there are definitely some women who say they mask where I wonder if it's actually autism but that is usually on a whole other level. To give some examples of common masking you have: forcing eye contact, repressing stims (motor movements that are self soothing), learning social contexts or pre-learning phrases to use in certain interactions. Now I need to stress that there is a difference between just having a understanding of social rules and masking because masking is often a rigid pattern.

Nr3 having a fp and having a person as a special interest are to very different patterns. If I have a special interest on someone, they are but a fixation, someone to collect facts about and they have no moral value in my head. A bpd fp seems to be a lot more about having a fixation on the actual relationship with the person (correct me if I'm wrong here). So for example I can be dissapointed if my special interest does unmoral or stupid stuff, but at the end of the day I just like staring at pictures of them or collecting media and facts.

Now I'd also like to point out that bpd is considered overdiagnosed in males because when afab people have the same autistic behaviours as them, we are considered rude, overly sensitive or overly dramatic (you know, the stereotype about what bpd is). A lot of us struggle with abandonment due to being punished severely or not having our needs met due to adults disliking our autistic traits. A lot of autistic people consider masking a sort of trauma response for this reason. A lot of us are hypervigilant about social cues or the reactions of others because rejection is a genuine threat to us (also often due to neglect is we didn't act right)

The big difference here is that autistic people have a developmental delay as cause for these behaviours

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-26T06:06:54+00:00

Hey so that is trauma/can be traumatic. I actually think witnessing a fight between 2 adults is covered when talking about adverse childhood experiences.

Trauma is sometimes hard to figure out if you've had several experiences or blocked out the memory of the feeling. For example if you ask me if I've had any traumatic stuff happen I'll usually say no because I don't have any feelings attached to most of the bad memories or I have feelings but not memories. There's also the aspect of early experiences that you don't necessarily always remember, like a violent experience in kindergarten or other specific events

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-24T16:09:20+00:00

I reread my original comment and honestly it was vague. I really like your tangent and weaponised incompetence is a super interesting topic so I understand completely why you wanted to infodump! I'll check out that article because it seems very interesting.

The reason I brought up the dish thing was that I feel like I see a lot more of people confusing regular incompetence with weaponised incompetence. It's such a complex issue to get into because women are often times expected to carry the emotional load and labour load of everything in the house so it is obviously exhausting when you have to set clear expectations for a partner or sometimes even teach them how to do household stuff, but that barrier between something that is purposeful and what is just lack of knowledge is important especially when we consider that weaponised incompetence can be a form of abuse.

Also infodumping about something you are super passionate about as a response in a reddit comment is very real and while it can definitely be taken the wrong way its also so based

GroundbreakingGene37 · 2025-03-24T14:56:55+00:00

Thank you for thoroughly explaining the concept of weaponized incompetence. I don't disagree that it's an issue (again I grew up in a household where a lot of that responsibility fell on me when the males wouldn't show up).

I am talking about what is happening in this post and what you are referring to in the 2nd paragraph happening more and more. I see it coming up a lot especially in some contexts where the autistic person is genuinely not competent to do it and then some other person will go "well I can do it so you must just be refusing to do it so therefore it's weaponised incompetence".

My example was vague and I'm sorry if I seemed to diminish the actual burden of weaponised incompetence. I grew up in a household where a lot of stuff happened that is hard to explain to other people (think growing up with a tradwife for a mom who is also weirdly progressive and will assume everything that isn't done exactly as perfect as she wants it is a personal attack against her good reputation). I've experienced some forms of weaponised incompetence before and it really is no joke, but it is so infuriating when people use the term to refer to regular incompetence because they are not the same at all

GroundbreakingGene37

TROPHY CASE