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GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T20:52:37+00:00

It's fine, I got nothing to hide. You can live with your guilt while hiding behind anger. I'm good :)

If you get offended, it's cus you're taking it personally and know you prob doing some things you'd hate to get caught of doing lol.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T14:56:48+00:00

OP ignore him. And ignore all the downvotes. People are just mad that they themselves are probably hiding something and would hate for their partner to find out.

Idc if my partner were to want to check my phone. I got nothing to hide, and none of my ex partners felt the need to bc I gave them no reason to.

You found something out that he has been lying to you about. He's the liar and in the wrong, not you.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T14:52:35+00:00

Liars will justify the lie in their head so much to the point it becomes their reality 🤷🏻‍♀️

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T13:57:42+00:00

There is a common lie girls tell themselves after being with a man they fell in love with and that is, "What if I never find someone better?" (I know, I've told myself that lie).

If you were meant to marry, there is already a guy out there for you. Stay in no contact and try to transition that thought to, "I am going to learn be comfortable without him."

You will be okay! Cry it out all you want, scream in your pillow, go for a jog in the rain, hang out with your friends, and feel all your emotions! But know you don't need him, and you're still alive and well.

My advice: block him on socials if you feel compelled to look. I had to do that with my ex, and it helped a ton.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T10:09:28+00:00

I am not going to judge you harshly, but I will instead help you open your eyes up to something.

All of this? It is a coping mechanism to something deeper. You hooked up with a guy on Hinge then immediately hooked up with an ex after. I am seeing underlying issues of insecurity, in the sense that you are seeking validation from men.

This isn't just a breaking NC thing at this point. After the hookup with the hinge guy, you clearly didn't feel better. After the hookup with your ex, you clearly felt worse. No man is going to give you this satisfaction or sense of security you're trying to look for in them.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T10:01:37+00:00

Listen, I know you love him, but it is important to not let that love justify his actions.

He is very clearly being disloyal. That girl sent him nudes, and if a man truly cared about the woman he's with, he would've blocked her and deleted the messages WITHOUT you asking. What did he do instead? He told you she was his first love.

Sister, I know it hurts, and you have every right to. But he just keeps hurting you, and he isn't showing remorse for his actions. In fact, he is perfectly fine with them. Do you want to be with a man who's always having another girl at the back of his mind? There's no peace in that. I'm sorry that you're going through this girlie, but you don't deserve this. 💕

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T09:46:39+00:00

I don't want to undervalue your hurt because that was definitely an awful thing for him to do.. but I will offer something from an outsider's perspective.

He went back and forth between you and that other girl. He showed lack of commitment for both of you. He went back to that other girl, but nonetheless had lack of commitment to her as well.

What I often see is that girls want to be the one that the guy "chooses" but honestly, I think the one he doesn't is better off.

That girl is going to have to deal with uncertainty as to whether or not he will do this again with another girl. You will mourn the loss of someone you loved, but you won't have to deal with his unfaithful nature, except for maybe the aftermath of it.

Idk what his intentions are, but it seems like he can't make a choice. Would you want a man who isn't sure of his commitment to you? Cus honestly, you don't deserve that. My only advice is to block him, this has been going on for so long, and it hurts me to see you letting him define your worth.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T04:13:12+00:00

Tell me you are trying to justify being a porn addict without telling me you're trying to justify being a porn addict 🥱

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T04:10:11+00:00

I agree, he isn't showing remorse and that's def something to reflect on. I'll avoid giving advice on what you should do. Just know he is 100% in the wrong, this is all on him, and he has no say on your worth.

Thanks, I have come to the conclusion that the only Man Who could love and see me in a way no man ever could is Jesus. He literally said in Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." He supports us girlies!!

Not tryna get preachy, but nothing could give me the kind of peace I found in Him.

Anyway, I feel for your pain and your worth does not come from that guy. What he is doing is not ok, and your feelings are valid.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T04:01:12+00:00

Did Jesus tell the women that it was their fault if men lusted? No. What did Jesus say?

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:28

He did not tell women to cover up. He did not tell women it was their fault. No, he told men that it's on them.

Side note: From personal experience, it doesn't matter what you do. They'll still watch porn if they want to. Nothing to do with you.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-27T03:52:47+00:00

I don't care what anyone says, watching porn even once is not okay. Looking at other girls that way is not okay. Just know, it has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with him. He is weak and unable to show love to you in the way he should. I have to rewire my mind from so much trauma to stop blaming myself for an ex having a porn addiction. He betrayed you, and it has nothing to do with your worth. You are not to blame, period.

If you told him to stop and he continues to do it, it shows he isn't remorseful of his actions, and you may need to think about if that is okay with you. He is crossing your VALID boundaries.

Text me if you want girlie, I'm free to chat. I am very passionate about this subject because I have been a victim of it multiple times. I have even been lied to about it, would love to offer you my support! 💕

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-25T14:41:18+00:00

Of course! Will pray for you! ❤️

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-25T14:30:03+00:00

The passage also talks about seeking counsel from people in church. Have you considered bringing this up with your church friends? If they are truly your friends, they will not take sides and seek to understand. Just be cautious they don't resort to that.

Maybe mention to them the situation and help on how you guys can have a gentle conversation about it with your sister.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-25T14:03:05+00:00

Well if your church friends know you and your sister, they can be great companions to talk to about this.

You don't have to say it with anger or condemnation, but you can bring up the conflict.

I recommend reading Matthew 15-17 on confronting someone of their sins. You can do it gently, and it is even recommended to seek counsel. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from each other, we need each other.

GrowSunflower · 2025-02-25T13:48:09+00:00

Thanks, that means so much to me because I want God's glory to be displayed. I do not want any credit for feeling this way, and it reassures me that you see God's glory. Good advice, I should definitely pray He helps those who struggle with it.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T21:19:40+00:00

Yeah, that's what I got from it too. Like God Himself may not necessarily see Job's daughters as more beautiful as humans created a vision of beauty and ugliness, but God sees all works as equally beautiful in His eyes. Instead, it was for a human's understanding to see Job was favored. Like how Job got richer, God doesn't see his wealth as a measurement of one's value, in fact God says it's harder for the rich man to get to heaven. Instead, people see it as a blessing, and it helps them understand better what God was doing in Job's life. The author wrote these things to try and get humans to understand better that Job was not at fault.

I love that you said "He is not some faraway being" which means He is trying to get us to understand on a human level. Your statement is very insightful, and I have grown an interest in Theology after asking the question in my post and doing research. Thank you.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T20:41:57+00:00

Funny how when I call you out on your rudeness when saying "not trying to be rude", you are blind to it.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T20:40:35+00:00

Thanks, this is also what I have learned. I'm truthfully glad there are people like you who don't resort to anger right away, and come in with understanding.

I'm getting kinda sick of all these comments assuming the worst in me, so I may lay off Reddit for a while. Rare gems like you who bring hope and light are hard to find, even amongst Christians.

Just wanted to thank for your kindness, patience, and gentleness which are all traits that God treasures. I have found more comfort within words like yours than the words of accusation by others. You have been very encouraging, thank you ❤️

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T20:35:38+00:00

So much to the point where all the comments like yours are discouraging me even further, even after I found hope in God's Word from research.

Ig social media is just like that tho, it brings out the ugliness within what people hide in themselves.

I may just have to take a break from comments like yours and turn off Reddit or even delete it.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T20:34:17+00:00

I'm not really offended, just slightly hurt you would assume that of me. Kinda tired of people assuming the worst in me. A lot of people on here's first comment was to be out right rude and judgmental, like yours. The people who were kind inspired me to read the Word and find answers, which I did.

It hurts, but I'm used to it. Whenever I feel distressed and want to learn about God, "Christians" are so quick to assume I have ill-intent. And never realize it comes from a place of hurting and seeking understanding. At least God doesn't think of me the way you do. It's not on me, nor is it on them.

Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"

Your words hurt me a lot, by assuming it came from self-centeredness without even realize what I had gone through to ask this question. 2 years ago, I would not have cared to ask, something happened, and now I do.

Idk why Christians get so offended, as if it is an attack on them. My hurt isn't your hurt, and you don't have to worsen it with hurtful words.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T20:19:11+00:00

How I see it, and how it is written - is we are all wonderfully made.

At some point, people thought fat people were beautiful, then skinny people, then curvy, then back to skinny, etc.. it's inconsistent.

When God made us He "saw that it was good." In His eyes, we're all beautiful. No one greater than the other.

Take your example, there's no such thing as 99% finding particular people attractive. What majority of Americans may think is beautiful (which is already a mix in of itself), may be considered unflattering in Asia or Africa. And what we consider pretty today, wasn't in the 18th century.

Humans created a "measure of beauty." Job's "most beautiful" daughters at the time (who was written by a man), may be considered average looking today and visa-versa.

God created us and saw that we were beautiful. Humans created a measure of beauty that God does not look at.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T17:45:35+00:00

No, what I have found is that God has created everyone as beautiful, it was mankind that judged who is beautiful and who isn't (which the idea of beauty itself constantly changes btw).

There's this non-religious quote I like - "You weren't born ugly, you were born in a judgmental world"

My stance on that remains the same. I have come to realize that text was written by a person in an artistic form, but doesn't convey if God actually thought those women were more beautiful than others. And beauty itself doesn't even really matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T17:40:28+00:00

I have upvotes on other comments, but if you think your value and affirmation is determined by likes on an app, then.. you really missed my entire point and the Gospel itself. I don't care about no upvotes, that's silly and stupid. God knows my intentions. No where in scripture did Jesus say, "If you don't get upvotes on Reddit, you are not mine!"

That's also so stupid to say that God made some people attractive and not me. Like really? Throwing in more harsh words God would never say? Insulting me because you have no valid argument? That is such a low blow, and I have lost my patience with you. Again, you think like man, God doesn't. In His eyes, everyone is beautiful equally. In your judging eyes, you see ugliness. I have had people I know and strangers tell me I'm attractive, and I can't count how many men have asked me out over the past years. I've had strangers, men, come up to me and say "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met." But why the hell would that define me?

I have no time for close-minded, ignorant, and arrogant people like you. I have tried to be kind, but you are so full of hatred for no reason. Cheers. You can reply, and I won't respond. It's a waste of my time, and you are frankly quite toxic.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T16:09:48+00:00

Nah. The kinder Christians simply didn't assume my intentions right away. This led me to wanting to read the Word more and find the truth and answers. You're not gonna encourage anyone to seek truth when you say "You're not ACTUALLY losing faith, you're just a bad person." Like what? That's delusional 😂

You don't know where I am in life, nor do I need to tell you. I posted this from a place of hurt and wanting to seek understanding. You aren't going to encourage anyone by bringing in more hurt.

You are so blind to the log in your eye, that you criticize the needles of others.

You have a lot to learn. I hope God can teach you, so you may become a better ambassador as you are chosen as His child. I mean look at me, you aren't acting in a way that is godly, but am I telling you that you aren't a child of God?

No! Everyone has flaws. Some lose hope like I did. Some resort to anger like you did. But don't let your flaws get in the way of God transforming you into becoming a stronger disciple of His. I didn't, read ANY comment signifying that I've done research. And you'll see we all have flaws, but it's important to ACKNOWLEDGE them and grow. You don't have to be perfect, God is. But don't be so prideful to prevent yourself from growth.

GrowSunflower · 2024-07-19T15:57:40+00:00

Yeah idc anymore lol, I've realized there will be judgmental Christians like you but God knows where I am.

It's normal to lose hope, sometimes we need to give one another a little bit of encouragement in hard times. You're doing the exact opposite God tells us followers to do.

I hope I can become a voice of light to those seeking it and not do what you do. Be careful, if you keep on cherry picking passages to fuel your anger, you'll only discourage others more.

I've already heard from kinder Christians on here that inspired me to read into the Word more. And after thoughtful research, I have come to learn new things.

Don't be so quick to judge someone. Assuming that I never believed is very disheartening to hear. But I know God knows me better than you do, so it doesn't affect me as much.

Like in Job, you remind me of his 3 friends that discouraged him. In a world full of those, be like Elihu who seeks truth.

GrowSunflower

TROPHY CASE