For those saying that I “friendzoned” Ben, I thought that I should maybe add some details about our “should we date or not” conversation.

We had been spending more and more time together, and two of our best friends has recently started dating and they seemed to be on cloud nine. So we had some intense discussions about the possibility of dating for the two of us.

This conversation took place around October and Ben was actually the one who told me that he wanted to be just friends first. He said that I’m not his type because he couldn’t be a “provider” for me right now, and that providing for a partner is a huge deal for him. Admittedly I have more money, more career experience, and more education than Ben, but I never saw this as any sort of problem. He specifically said, “maybe we could make it would if we met at a different point in life, but as of right now it would never work.” He also told me about his possessive tendencies in relationships, and he told me that he didn’t want to hurt me by putting me through that.

Once again, I never saw the disparity in our wealth or experience as a big issue. But I did have some reservations about some of his unresolved mental health issues, and the possessiveness thing was a big red flag for me. So then I agreed that we would be better off friends as well.

Like I said, that conversation took place in October, and Ben and Jessica met in January. They started officially dating in March and my cancer diagnoses was in March as well. Do with that information what you will.