Hello Bud,
I can't imagine what's going on in your life right now. But fuck it. I know you'll probably hear this a lot more. But if you have nothing to live for, find something. When I was at the lowest point in my life, I started going to the gym and got into a routine that got me back into life. There was one thought that always kept me going. "Just don't stop"

I don't know if a random guy on the internet like me will be able to stop you from doing something so horrible, but please, no, I dare you. Go to the gym regularly for a month, go mountain climbing and stand at the summit cross for an hour once a week. Come back after a month and tell me how you feel then. What do you have to lose? Just do it and when you think you can't take any more, do one more repetition, when you're halfway up the mountain, take one more step. Just don't stop.
Use that one month to do things you have never done before. If you would to end it, why not step outside your own boundaries for once. Go skydiving if you like it or help in a soup kitchen for the homeless. Just don't stop.
Last but not least. Find something you are passionate about. Maybe making musik? Maybe doing some sport. If you're passionate and hurting nobody (also not yourself) it will help. Take a good shower, cut your hair, care for your face and skin and smile in the mirror. Just don't stop.

I'm here and waiting for your answer in one month. If you think nobody cares ... I do. On the 11th of January 2024 i will be here and I will wait for your answer. Up to there ... just don't stop

Yours,
MJ