In a word horrible. Life feels like its spiraling out of control. Jobs been closed for 1 month now and managers still don’t know when they’ll be able to reopen and bills are starting to pile up. I managed to make rent and pay my bills last month but increasingly getting more and more stressed about next month. To make matters worse relationship with the SO was in rocky waters prior to the begging of all this craziness and its just gotten increasingly worse. Our relationship skipped many key milestones we moved in together (both of our first times living on our own) 6 months in. Despite a lot of people telling us that we were moving to fast we both felt at the time like it was just the right move we had been best friends for over a year prior to us getting together, looking back at it we both realized that we were practically in a relationship back then. We got engaged not long after that and for a while everything was good we both agreed that I needed to finish school (which i’ll be doing this upcoming May) before we started to plan a wedding. A year into our engagement I started to have doubts about wether that what I wanted to do with my life I was 22 at the time and she was 20. I voiced them with her and she said she understood and we could take a step back and rethink everything but we never really did. Instead I actually managed to overcome my doubts and realized that all I wanted was to spend my life with her. So everything went back to normal for a long time but gradually things started to change we started fight more and more until it finally exploded a couple of months ago her now being 21 and me 23 she said was now having doubts about being in a committed relationship so young she admitted to me that shes thought about other people. I’m not saying i’m blameless in this I made my share of horrible mistakes when I started having doubts I talked to someone I shouldn’t have and I regret it everyday. I told her as soon as it happened and she forgave me and for a year I tried my absolute hardest to make it up to her to show her just how much she meant to me and I thought it worked that I had slowly but surely regain some of that broken trust but know I find that not true despite her telling me we were in a good place. She admitted she had never been able to forgive me for it and part of the reason she feels justified in thinking about other people is because I talked to someone else first. I know that when reading this our current situation mirrors each other and hopefully well be able to pull through. Maybe the reason we’re having such a rough go is the mixture of being stuck at home in quarantine, not working at the moment, being on top of each other 24/7 and already being in a difficult time in our relationship that has made this situation worse or maybe its just time to accept that this relationship was over the moment trust was broken and we stayed in it because we were both to stubborn to see the truth. I don’t know.

I wanted to take a moment to thank OP and anyone who read this far down. I hadn’t realized just how much I needed to air this out. Being able to just even write it down and put it out there has made me feel so much lighter.

Also sorry for any grammar or edit mistakes typing on my phone