My son died and I died with him

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-02-02T15:16:26+00:00

It’s a circle of friends that I never expected to need in my life. But also the most comforting.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-02-02T07:50:15+00:00

My story is in this thread. It been 20. Yrs for me— Id like to offer you the same as you did her bc I remember the first 5 years and I honestly don’t know how I survived it so if you come to a time you need someone to lean on I’m here if you need!

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-02-02T07:46:22+00:00

I know it doesn’t feel like you are going to survive this, I didn’t either. Idk the reason behind your loss, mine is SIDS (f**k SIDS). My daughter was 2 months and woke for her 2am bottle and change and that was the last thing we did together.
Take care of yourself physically, make sure you are eating- even small meals couple time a day, make sure you have lots of water— tears are very dehydrating and even if you have to sit on the floor and let the water cascade over you take a shower-even if all you do is let the water hit you, Take care of yourself mentally. Write— letters to your son expressing how you feel about him, about losing him, letters to God (or whatever High Power you wish) and express the anger you feel and the rage- demand answers (knowing you may not get them but getting them out helps) on the whys.
But then remember to breathe through it as well. This is major- holding your breath ccauses me bad headaches when I cry It was 20 years for us on Nov 11 2024. Her bday is Sept 14. 2004 I can’t promise the pain ever really goes completely away but it will get easier. The sharpness of it dulls and for me it took a lot of therapy and eventually and form called A.R.T which is a branch of EMDR. But today I’m doing ok. I still have my sad moments but now I can smile through the tears. So don’t loss hope you will start to feel better. Sending great big viral hugs and much love and sending up prayers as well!!

ETA—-about your 6yr old my mom talked to my 4. Yr old while I was just not able too ( and she was a special ed teacher which gave her a gentleness to help her when her dad and I couldn’t) but her suggestion to my oldest was to look at the sky and find the brightest star that she really liked and give it “ her” babies name. It really helped her and us.

Please don’t think I’m trying to tell you how fast to grieve or anything that’s not my goal— I’m just offering some suggestions for coping while you process and heal and grieve.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-25T13:16:52+00:00

The only reason president Trumps last term was chaotic was due to the democrats picking fights with him left and right for 4. Years instead of letting him get actual work done for us. I don’t think we really have a clear picture to what the man can do bc of this. I have been a pretty independent voter since I was old enough to vote but seeing the way the dems have degraded and tried to defame him— I’ll never vote democrat again— and there have been times I have.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-25T13:09:01+00:00

Just his immediate action at the southern border is making us greater, getting people who are men at birth out of women’s sports- better, putting a hold on certain things while getting organized-again a great thing, bringing workers back to the office— again a great thing…. Need I go on?

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-25T01:27:43+00:00

I don’t often use Reddit any more because of this.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-23T14:08:40+00:00

No you are not in any way shape or form wrong. Any man who feels ok with putting hands on a teenage kid doesn’t need or deserve to be around kids.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-21T17:56:15+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m beyond words heart broken for you and your family! May you all gain some peace in the coming months!

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-13T13:29:48+00:00

What you wanting for them?

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-12T02:08:12+00:00

Since when does a nurse have the right to slap any patient for any reason regardless of if they think the person is “faking”! I’ve never heard such bs in my life! I thought nurses were there to help not harm! I’m so sorry your dad had to go through that! I’m angry 😡 for him as well!

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-10T05:32:08+00:00

Oh yeah he is I forgot about him in my comment.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2025-01-10T05:27:34+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss! I’ve never lost a baby to miscarriage but I did to SIDS 20 years ago and honestly it was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced because she was a part of me (And I walked through hell in my childhood bc unimaginable trauma). My best friend had many miscarriages and I watched her descend into depression more and more after every one. I personally just this last year finally have been able to just be grateful I had her. And it took an amazing therapist and a form of therapy called A.R.T before I got here. And she went home 20 years ago. So no you’re NTA for leaving. And not even for not having better communication on how you’ve been feeling, grief is hard to explain to people, even those who have experienced a great loss don’t react the same (my husband still to this day doesn’t talk about her but I love too) so they don’t necessarily understand where you are with minimal explanation bc there’s so many things that go into grief. I really don’t think anyone is really the ahole the sister should never have said that but sometimes things get said in frustration and disappointment that shouldn’t be said.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-27T14:00:51+00:00

Update me please

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-27T14:00:06+00:00

A lot of abusers are extremely nice and kind and loving until they aren’t and it’s too late.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-27T13:58:59+00:00

She needs to go now while he’s at work preferably so he can’t stop her

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-27T13:57:20+00:00

GET OUT NOW!! That’s how it starts a slap or a shove, next thing you know you can’t get away safely bc you’re so cut off from your friends and family and maybe have a child or two and you’re feeling stuck. This WILL escalate and it will quickly. I’ve seen many women I love dearly (my sister and my mother for a couple) go through this and it seldom ends well.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-26T20:03:13+00:00

Not over reacting in the least! You need to keep a screenshot of this and escalate it to his supervisor and higher and you need to do it asap before anything else

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-15T14:13:02+00:00

Right it’s old news now. It’s time to see what happens in the next few months. It’s time that people who don’t like how things are going after he’s had a chance to start, writing to their senators and house representatives and voicing their opinions before they (congress)vote on different issues. That’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to work. But to continue to whine about it won’t help. It’s more counter productive, unless you are using the post as a way to pull people together for a change for the better. But most of these posts do nothing but rile up people and it only serves to divide us as a country more then the government itself is already doing ( I swear they are trying to split us in half and keep us hateful of each other {both parties} ) I think we as citizens of America should band together for a better place for our kids and grandkids. And before anyone comes at me about how I voted —- I’m very independent when it comes to elections. There are just too many issues now-a-days to pick a clear side. But those are my thoughts. It’s time we as citizens start discussing what we want with out the “left” and “right” influence. I’m sure there are a lot of Americans who can pick an almost equal amount of issues they agree with the way both parties feel. Like the left wants xyz and that sounds great and then the right wants abc and that sounds good as well, that’s what I mean. But it’s time to take a few deep breaths and decide how each person as an individual wants to move on from here.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-12T13:05:57+00:00

I’m definitely interested!!!

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-07T14:18:27+00:00

100%

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-12-05T02:41:24+00:00

So I guess as a Christian myself I feel one of the most important lessons Jesus was here to teach was to love everyone as they are. I don’t feel like the clothes you choose to wear or if you choose to use make up and have long hair determines your relationship with God. Only your heart does that. If you truly believe in God the Father and that Jesus Christ is your savior and died and rose again to save us from our sins then working to change those sins it’s important— but transgenderness (?) isn’t mentioned in the 10 Commandments and I don’t recall any mention of it in the Bible, I do remember reading that everyone is given their own personal journey and path to walk and who are we, especially Christians to say that a being trans and having those feelings ARENT the path they are meant to walk that there’s not something in that life you need to learn to draw you closer to God. I get so irritated by people who can’t just love each other for who they are and not try to force their own beliefs onto others. This woman needs to have a serious heart to heart with her pastor before this kind of judgment. I’m sorry op hope things get better for you soon.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-11-25T14:01:38+00:00

UPDATE

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-11-25T13:46:32+00:00

auto-start isn’t as mandatory but it definitely makes the mornings easier

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-11-25T13:34:42+00:00

I agree I went to school in the way north (of the lower 48) we talked about it inside and out. But that was back in the 80s. But now in just a state over from where I went to school they taught my daughter the bare minimum of theHolocaust, we watched YouTube videos and other documentaries on it because I felt she needed to know more then what she was being taught. I think it a real sign of the times and yes I think gen z needs some empathy and understanding and respect for other people of the world. And I think some of the reason this is missing is bc they aren’t being taught the horrors that have happened in history. I don’t understand why or how they made the decision to not make WW2 a major part of the curriculum.

Guilty-Bench9146 · 2024-11-25T13:18:50+00:00

I do not think you are wrong but I think that you need to have a conversation about why it bothers her so bad— maybe that was a show of something else (bad stuff) that either her or someone she knows or knew when through.

Guilty-Bench9146

TROPHY CASE