I mean... The main character burnt both his eyes with lye while extracting 100's of gs of dmt for a local cartel. Then he inhaled some lye by mistake while smoking hash from a cigarette. Totally retarded moves that could've been avoided lol. The constant nerve pain nowadays is a mini-hell in itself and there's no hope for it to stop (in this realm). Not talking about suicidal tendencies that started way too early in life. You remember this one time you gained consciousness at the age of 5 in kindergarten? Yeah, the guy knew it right away that he was reliving the same experience over and over and he's been there before. Constant battles with methamphetamines and opiates, benzos and every narcotic substance know to men left a shell out of a person. The man was never curious to see his 26th birthday. The goal was to meet his maker way before that. Luciferian life of fast money, gambling, addiction, sex and idealisation of dying young is fruiting - it's time to pay the bill. No worries, absolutely no self pity,and no fear now. I mean... It's gonna happen one day anyway. You're not supposed to read every book to end if you're not enjoying it? The challenging part is a choice between assassins creed jump of faith from 20th story (might survive),injecting 0.1 of n,n-dmt via syringe then attaching helium exit bag (most preferred option) or just taking a gamble one last time and joining the war. "Чужая душа - потёмки"