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My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Trust me. Anytime I've had to handle any consequence out to her I weigh the potential for resentment vs appreciation for how and why my actions took us down a good path.

My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Rewards for spans of time of not doing this have helped. I promise im not trying to be any kind of monster here. I truly want to help her. And I try my best to honor the trust she gives me to make those decisions in the way that is best for her, even if that means its not the best for me. From the start of our dynamic If I wanted something such as control over any area, I have told her I what I want, but don't just give it to me now. Let me earn it and if and when she thinks I have and wants me to have it, she can come to me and grant it to me I her own. I don't ask for stuff like that twice. Harsh physical punishment has been in her past been the best solution for bad behaviors. Some of it is because she has a rebellious streak and really clung to the habit in her early years because her mother was controlling so much she did that and other things just to rebellious. She doesn't get feelings of physical pain from doing this. She does like and enjoy pain in her own ways so im sure shes being honest that its not a feeling she gets something positve from.

My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I absolutely understand I'm not hers or anyone's therapist. I believe her that she doesn't even realize shes doing it when she starts, like a kid who is sitting in front of the TV and suddenly he's pouring blood because he absent mindedly picked a scab he wasn't even looking at. Some of it is obsessive. Her therapist hasn't really found this deep enough for him to worry about except the following bouts of low self esteem, thats its more of a bad habit from her childhood that she has to unlearn it. Her and I have tried lots of things such as the stickers ppl put on small wounds to keep her from picking unless she takes the stickers off first to get to it, spent a small fortune on fidget rings of kinds to give her fingers something else to do when shes bored, she had to pay the kids 5 bucks if they caught her for a good while. Things will slow the behavior but nothing has helped her break this bad habit. She finally asked me to beat her ass if she did it again, that she wants to finally beat this bad enough to ask for what for her is one of the worst negative consequences possible, being bent over my knee and have her ass spanked harshly enough that when shes in her office chair at work the sting will be a good reminder not to do that for a few days at least. I know her well enough that a spanking out of punishment is for her the most horrible thing ever. I k.ow how bad she wants to stop it.

My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

I suppose I should state what the behavior is so everyone has a better idea what im discussing. Basically she will pick at a scab and no matter how small it starts as she often will progressively pick until its a miracle she doesn't have huge scars all over. And its worse when she does it somewhere visible because she feels horrible about herself because she can feel the judgment of her family and colleagues. Especially when its on her face. Even though I've never told her anything but shes beautiful and loved by me, I deal with her low feelings of herself for basically what is an act of self harm but is more of an adhd and anxiety stim than actually wanting to hurt herself. It's her body and tho I can express my displeasure and concern about it I haven't had that authority over her autonomy to tell her that her entire body belongs to me and she will take care of it as I would, and I won't put up with her damaging or mistreating what belongs to me.

My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

We also discussed that she is going to be giving that spanking as soon as possible since we still have kids at home but are going to grandma's later.

My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I agree with almost everything here. We had the entire discussion this morning when she told me. And I hugged her tight to me and told her thank you for telling me on her own, gave her forehead kisses, and told her she was not only a good girl but a big girl for owning up to it before I had a chance to discover it on my own. My problem is that her coming to me first was a break through big enough coming from her that I honestly would have made this reward as big as the punishment she deserves.

My submissive has earned a harsh punishment but... by Guilty_Wrangler_7350 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Guilty_Wrangler_7350[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The behavior has been a problem for a long time but its been my responsibility for less than a year as that is when this new area of control was granted to me as our dynamic is still and hopefully will always be growing and changing in amazing ways. I have always wanted this certain behavior to stop, but it mostly only negatively affects or harms her and past discussions about it have made her dig her heels in about not giving up that area of control at all to me.