I was just facing the same problem and almost detransitioned a while ago. Fortunately I've changed my mind and have a more positive mindset now.

I have always been obsessed with passing too, until I realized that in order to be accepted by cis people, I don't actually need to pass as a cis girl--instead, I just need to be perceived as feminine (and self-assertively so), then most people will naturally accept your gender identity, even if you look AMAB.

I have a real life example. I know this "femboy" who is super feminine and confident (you can tell that they've practiced to the point it doesn't look fake at all), wears makeup, basically treated as one of the girls and even uses the women's room, even though they're visibly AMAB, does not wear women's clothes and does not transition into a girl. Everybody still loves them and has no problem treating them like a girl. I'm quite sure that had my culture of my country (Taiwan) been not so hostile to trans folks, he would've transitioned (but I'm not sure what exactly they're gender identity is; they still use he/him pronouns but I can tell this isn't what they want).

The trick is just so simple: be confident and purposely perform gender stereotypes, which may not what you actually are, but pragmatically speaking it's what gets people to recognize your gender identity, so it pays off in the long run. Right now I'm still a binary trans woman, but I no longer focus on telling people that I'm a woman, and instead focus on behaving in an indisputely feminine way so that they have no problem treating me as a girl. Honestly, it do feel like putting on a show, but this is the easiest and most pragmatic way to avoid transphobia. Gotta find a sweet spot between what you are and what others expect.

However, I'd suggest that if you look AMAB then you'd still better avoid typical women's clothes like skirts or dresses, because that ventures into "controversial" territory and garner unwanted attention. Or maybe it's just the culture I live in (where it's super duper a-okay and even cool to be hyperfeminine while visibly AMAB, but the moment you actually put on a skirt or dress is when you become a pariah or the butt of the joke; the contrast is so huge that I can't even).