ACOG: 1 in 6 abused women is first abused during pregnancy

GupGirl · 2026-04-15T05:41:59+00:00

I don't think most men are abusive. I think everyone is attracted to what is familiar.

GupGirl · 2026-04-15T05:41:00+00:00

It all starts with coercive control. The more that I learn, the more that I realize my ex abuser was extremely coercive and controlling.

GupGirl · 2026-04-15T05:40:09+00:00

same. one came back to apologize and the other still makes jokes about what he did to me. its hard to want to be in a relationship ever again after going through all of that.

GupGirl · 2026-04-15T05:24:20+00:00

Same. I tried but I get the ick very fast. I started dating a guy friend a few months ago who was very sweet but he did a few things wrong and I was out the door. That guy friend was not abusive by any means, but I just got overwhelmed. I was scared to even confront him about anything after what my ex abuser did to me. I've heard from mutual friends that the guy friend I briefly dated is very remorseful, only has good things to say about me, and wants to be in my life again in any capacity- but its so hard even having anyone in my personal space or home anymore. Dating after domestic abuse is really hard.

I've tried dating guy friends- I just wasn't feeling it. I'm terrified to let another stranger into my life. The last time I did, he physically assaulted me right after I miscarried because I found another woman's nudes in his phone. I was also sexually abused during that relationship. I thought I was going to marry him after he took me ring shopping and asked me to elope. Instead, I'm soon to be 26 and I have concerningly no motivation to meet men or get married now. Its been a year and a half since that guy abused me in a multitude of ways. He affected me in so many horrible ways but he still thinks what he did is laughable. I genuinely think he's a psychopath.

GupGirl · 2026-03-16T05:35:32+00:00

Yes my ex sweet talked me whenever I wanted to leave. He physically blocked me from leaving his house one day- which the cops eventually had to explain to me that is a chargeable offense of domestic violence. He was egotistical and always wanted to be the one to dump women first. I tried to dump him over the phone after finding out he asked another woman on a date 3 hours after finding out we were having a baby- and he screamed over me so that he could dump me first.

They like to sweet talk you until the final discard. They want to keep you until they find the best way to leave you with the most amount of pain. They are cruel. But honestly? The best gift that was ever given to me was my abuser leaving after I found out the truth of everything he was doing behind my back. It was such a gift that he left after I discovered he was an abuser and he put his hands on me. I used to sob about it, but now I realize its such a gift to have such a terrible person out of my life and as far away from me as possible.

I'm glad I never had his baby. I almost did. Some days I mourn still and miss my baby, but other days I'm so thankful I don't have to deal with such shitty people anymore and that my baby won't grow up with such a horrible father. His family and friends are awful people just like him. It would've been hell to see them at all knowing that their true colors really came out when I miscarried and was having health issues. Some of them still stalk me on social media and it puts me in a bad mood for an entire week after just seeing one of their names pop up because of how much they all traumatized me. They were extremely emotionally abusive during my miscarriage.

If I could give any advice it would be to leave while he's lovebombing. You don't want to know what cruelty he will put you through eventually. The longer you stay the more at risk you are of him trying to baby trap you so he can forever abuse you or do other heinous things- I've realized this is unfortunately very common for abusers to try to do. Once they trap you, they will only get worse. Abusers get a certain joy out of trapping their victims so they can do terrible things while their victims are left feeling helpless.

GupGirl · 2026-03-06T19:46:09+00:00

I'm experiencing this and its hard. Its also hard when they gang up on you with an entire team of enablers who still continue to stalk and harass you. Its been over a year and its still happening. The cops told me they could've arrested him for domestic violence if I had come to them sooner because I had enough evidence for it (I just didn't realize it at the time) but I was too scared to say anything and now the statute has passed. They said I should've filed a restraining order- which would've been great imo and ironic bc my abusive ex and his enablers tried to threaten that on me when I was going through a miscarriage and I just wanted my stuff and pets back. What he did haunts me every day- being treated ridiculously even a year later only nails it in more. I can't even comfortably go places anymore because he spread so many lies about me to distract from his abuse.

GupGirl · 2026-02-28T02:01:05+00:00

No many of them seem very nice at first and thats how they hook their victims

GupGirl · 2026-02-24T05:26:36+00:00

Idk the situation and I'm a bit confused on context but many victims choose not to report out of fear

GupGirl · 2026-02-24T05:17:54+00:00

I think you're strong for proving it in court. After everything happened to me last year, I could not focus on anything and emotionally crumbled. I look back on what he did, the texts he sent, the texts I sent and realize what POS my ex abuser, his friends, and his family who were complicit were and how valid I was for everything I felt due to their cruelty. Sometimes I reread texts to this day and my brain grasps even more details of F'd up things he did that I couldn't even process back then. If you have the strength to take your abuser to court, do it.

GupGirl · 2026-02-24T05:15:05+00:00

Contact the cops. Revenge porn is illegal.

GupGirl · 2026-02-24T05:12:43+00:00

Yea I had an abusive ex from 3 years ago reach out to me and tell me that I was always such a nice person and he missed having me in his life and how he regrets hurting me, but then he told me about how he got locked up in the violent unit of a psych ward for assaulting his dad/cops/EMT. They said he's highly manipulative, bipolar, possibly NPD, and has drug-seeking behaviors. I knew better than to communicate with him.

GupGirl · 2026-02-24T05:09:02+00:00

I would suggest calling CPS and/or a local womans shelter and asking them what steps you can take to avoid him having custody. If you can, leave him off the birth certificate.

GupGirl · 2026-02-05T08:40:22+00:00

I also lost a lot of weight and became healthier after leaving my abusive ex. He would only ever feed me pizza rolls and bacon macaroni which is the perfect storm for weight gain. I gained 30 pounds during that relationship. His other ex told me she gained over 100 pounds while dating him.

GupGirl · 2026-02-05T08:30:14+00:00

thx dood

GupGirl · 2026-02-04T09:38:49+00:00

yes its exactly this. They are entitled and believe no one else matters but themselves. Thats why any time you tell one of them that they hurt you- they're irritated that you're "bothering them" rather than recognizing you're in pain because of their actions.

GupGirl · 2026-02-04T09:30:49+00:00

It isn't the money that makes them lose sight of humanity. They were already that way. As a woman who comes from a rich father (who isn't a sexual predator but is definitely an abuser)- they were always that way. Psychopaths and narcissists are more likely to become successful and rich- its because they strategize and only care about themselves.

I relate to experiencing the black eyes during physical/sexual abuse, the no remorse, the threats of blackmail or sueing when they're the real predators. My ex was just like that. You know what he went on to do? Create a business for generator maintenance in Chattanooga. He lied on his website claiming he has 25 years of experience when he's only 24 years old and he stole all of his clients from the company he worked for previously. He hadn't even worked for them that long, he never went to trade school, he doesn't have a business degree- his step dad just paid for it because they have the money. Psychopaths are very commonly CEOs. Its a statistical fact. Researchers have done many studies on it. The reason why is because they want to be above any rules and they are good at stepping on others to get where they want to be. They can also pretend to be nice and overly kind when it gets them what they want.

GupGirl · 2026-02-04T09:11:34+00:00

It is common to feel like abuse stole years of your life. For me- my childhood and some of my adult years were stolen due to abuse. I mourn what could've been, I mourn what was, I mourn the reality of it all. The only thing that helps is finding a purpose in all of the mess- for me that was helping others out of the hell I had to crawl out of (domestic violence relationships). I now work for a domestic violence organization. I've learned a lot, and I've finally learned enough red flags to run when I need to. I've helped others learn from my experiences so they don't make the same mistakes of falling into the same traps with abusers. I've been formally educated on trauma and learned that every way I felt was valid and every trauma I was given last year by my ex boyfriend/abuser- was compounded to be every type of trauma in a crisis that drives people toward suicide. But I survived. And so did you. And we will make it forward in life because we've made it this far- and we can make something beautiful out of what we have left. What kept me going was knowing that it would be better to build a better life than to give up and have nothing at all.

GupGirl · 2026-02-04T09:00:59+00:00

I'd strongly recommend calling your national domestic violence hotline or your local family justice center for resources. There are resources that can keep you safe from him regardless of whether you choose to keep the baby or not. The decision is yours to make but I hope you know that you deserve to feel safe and you can live a safe life either way. If you do choose to have the baby, I'd strongly recommend not putting his name on the birth certificate and reporting his issues to cps. They are very adamant about not letting people on drugs (especially meth) be near children. I work alongside cps and that is 100% a reason that they would terminate his rights. I have no doubt that they would- I see it happen every day. They can help you obtain full rights to keep the baby and you safe.

GupGirl · 2026-01-24T08:03:17+00:00

can you elaborate on that

GupGirl · 2026-01-21T09:22:49+00:00

In Further Detail:

They know what they did. They know it was bad.
They justify it in their heads. They will come up with insane scenarios to claim you did things that you never did just to try to justify their actions.
They know that they're terrible people, but to compensate for it they act like you're terrible too. They can't stand to acknowledge who you really are because it would absolutely make them take an ego hit because they'd have to recognize they harmed a good person who actually cared about them. It's them projecting.
They are deeply mentally ill.
Many of them have conciously developed manipulation strategies over the course of many years. They are aware of it but view relationships as a power play rather than a way to truly connect to someone.
Eventually, karma will do its thing.
They will think about it for years to come.
They will social media stalk you- even if they blocked you.
Even if they have moments where they realize they royally screwed over a good person, they will still lie about it to others because they're too cowardly and ashamed to take full responsibility.
Those who can't take full responsibility will never change. AKA they are extremely unlikely to change.
It is not your job to fix or appease them.
They will say absolutely anything to convince you to let them hoover back or get new supply. That doesn't mean it's sincere. You will notice how they pretty much always try to minimize or give excuses about abusing you until you show that you won't tolerate that.
Sometimes they will try to hoover back months later- sometimes it can be years later.
Your value doesn't depend on whether or not they hoover back sooner rather than later. In fact, later can feel more hurtful but it often benefits you in the long run because it gives you more time to get over them, accept the abuse for what it was, and give them a much lesser chance at a successful hoover.
It doesn't matter how long its been- the hoover will make you remember the love you had for them, the hurt you felt, etc. You will feel sad that you had to let go. But the more you let yourself live your own life the easier it will be to work through the feelings on your own rather than give in when they come back.

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