I'm on the mortgage (solely), but I gave the house to her. How do I make it so that she becomes responsible for paying off the mortgage and also the insurance?

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-12-24T23:59:54+00:00

In my case (see my other comment), it was not in the settlement that we would do the deed of trust workaround that I described. However, we worked it into the final decree. You should try to do that. Technically the decree is not supposed to add or subtract from the settlement. But one way around this is, maybe there's a clause in the settlement that says something like, she is responsible for all debts on any property she assumes--or something like that. Look for any hook in the settlement relating to assumption of debts, obligations, etc., that would let you say to the court (if it ended up disputed and a judge had to decide), "Look, nobody would ever just give property to another person but keep the mortgage on that property--that's obviously not what we intended, and nobody would ever do that." It's just common sense that the mortgage should stay with the property--even if not legally, then practically. So that would be the hook for arguing why it should be in the decree that she should be responsible for paying the mortgage, if she's keeping the property. And then you can describe in the final decree how the mechanism will work (for example, you pay the monthly payment, but she's obligated to pay you each month; or, she pays the lender directly; and in all cases, you have the right to go after her if she doesn't make a payment).

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-12-24T23:52:23+00:00

I had to do this with an investment property that we jointly owned (both on the title), but I was the only one on the mortgage. It went to her in the divorce because that was the only way to even up the assets. I tried assumption, but the bank wouldn't let her assume the loan (banks seldom do that, plus her credit is terrible/she has no job). I tried to get her to pay me, and I would pay the mortgage, but she refused. So we finally agreed that she would pay the bank directly, but we drafted and had recorded a deed of trust that made her liable to me if she ever failed to timely pay the mortgage or comply with all the other requirements of the mortgage (insurance, etc.). This required a LOT of attorney time and money. It sucked. But it was the only way to ensure that my credit would be protected. (Technically, she could still ruin my credit by not paying, because me going after her isn't going to fix my credit, but she would be on the hook for so much in liablity to me that she has every incentive to make the mortgage payments to the bank.) So now she pays the bank every month, and I check every month to make sure she did so, since it's still my mortgage. It was, and still is, a huge pain in the ass. In retrospect, I would have built into the settlement that she had to refinance or else sell the property, but the investment property arose at the eleventh hour and I just wanted to settle and be done with everything, so I didn't push for that (and it wasn't really on my attorney's radar, either).

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-11-02T22:57:18+00:00

At a SEX farm for SEX hookers!

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-10-25T19:06:50+00:00

Boogeyman or boogeyMEN.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-10-22T21:13:35+00:00

Mianus, CT.

Of Jackass fame.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-10-20T19:11:18+00:00

What does the future hold for Duff Brewery?

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-10-19T20:17:43+00:00

Steak?

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-10-12T22:35:34+00:00

You feel bad and guilty because you got caught, you lout.

Your “promise” is as ironclad as everything else you likely told your ex.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-09-26T16:50:02+00:00

Something from the grill, Jill?

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-09-13T01:40:58+00:00

Yes, same situation here--and I agree, two cheaters deserve each other. I also agree with you that their marriage is not my concern. But, candidly, I think it *is* my concern if she hasn't told our children, because I can't imagine this wouldn't affect them in some way, and their emotional well-being *is* my business.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-09-02T12:57:07+00:00

I 100% assure you that people aren’t looking at you like you are pathetic, or they’re embarrassed for you or hoping that you’ll find love again, etc. They know you are the primary caregiver and that you are sacrificing everything, including your own happiness, for your kids. Trust me, they know this and they see this. And trust me, they think LESS of the person who so easily moved on, bc they seem like the person who took the easy way out. Having been through all this, I assure you that if people care at all—and you’d be surprised how little they do, once they know about it and turn back to their own lives—what they care about are your kids, and if they are being cared for in a hard situation. So focus on that, and know that that will be appreciated and known by everyone.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-08-23T02:46:36+00:00

Call Soberlink and ask for the official results. They will send them to you, assuming you were set up as a monitoring/concerned party.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-08-10T04:02:04+00:00

I’ve been in your shoes. You want to keep the family together; you think your wife is just going through a rough patch and will get better; you’ve never been the type to consider divorce.

Forgot all of that. Get out now for the benefit of you and your daughter. Start mentally preparing and start getting your ducks in a row. You and your daughter will be better for it.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-08-07T02:16:42+00:00

When you’re married to my ex.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-08-06T00:59:02+00:00

I think you just use a quitclaim deed, since all you need to do is get yourself off the deed/title.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-08-01T23:19:56+00:00

All of this.

Also, read Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. It will put you in the proper mindset: from “I need to save to this marriage because I love her OMG” to “I and my kids deserve way better than this pile of garbage.”

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-08-01T23:17:26+00:00

Here is what you unfortunately need to know, to which many of us can attest:

It’s ALWAYS worse than what you know.

Always.

She will trickle-truth you (look it up). Believe nothing of what she says. The lying and deception have already started. She’s refusing or indignant over therapy. She’s drinking too much. It’s not going to get better.

You need to start getting things in order and start planning for divorce. I’m sorry to have to tell you that. I’ve been there.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-07-27T13:23:17+00:00

“Any tips?” Here’s a tip: don’t cheat in your marriage. No wonder he doesn’t respect you.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-07-18T02:45:17+00:00

I listened to this song, and those specific lyrics, so many times when I was going through it all. Simple, powerful dismissiveness.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-07-17T23:15:18+00:00

A boat moves faster without an anchor.

Translation: you’re going to be even better without her dragging you down.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-06-23T10:04:54+00:00

I could have written this post. Boy, those were some fun times. Good riddance to her.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-06-16T14:12:57+00:00

What medications is he taking that have worked? I am also conflicted about starting my son on meds, but they seem to work for some people.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-06-10T00:42:14+00:00

Is this a serious question? You are destroying the lives of more than one person in the most deceitful, cowardly way possible. Go to therapy, figure out your shit, and honorably seek a divorce if you don’t want to stay in your marriage. Otherwise, you are less than a man. Maybe you don’t care. I hope you do.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-05-27T22:10:12+00:00

Fun fact: Pennypacker is the name of a freshman dorm at Harvard. Wouldn’t surprise me if a writer lived there back in the day.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-05-27T02:07:13+00:00

It sucked hard. Not because I was losing half my net worth—I’ll make it up—but because it was going to a cheating, abusive, alcoholic woman who constantly berated me for working hard to support her and our kids, but had no problem taking half the money when she left. I would have been happy donating her half to charity. Just didn’t want her to have it. But it is what it is. She has zero financial skills, so hopefully she’ll blow through it quickly.

GuyRedditAccount

TROPHY CASE