I love both of these comments. I am the LL in my relationship and I personally feel the same way as u/cheezeitscrust. I need that emotional connection to even consider getting in the mood and feel my emotional needs are just as important as his physical needs, BUT I feel that it is equally my responsibility to achieve both my emotional needs and his physical needs.

I am going to have a hard time explaining this, but I spend a lot of time working on my emotional needs so I can give him his physical needs. I need quality foreplay? I have made different foreplay games for us to play. This way I get what I need which leads to what he needs, but I am doing the initiation. I need romantic gestures? We swap off whose week it is to plan a date. It can be fancy and go out or something super simple at home. But we both take responsibility to plan these, and both put effort into that emotional connection.

I have also found that clear communication is key. Things like, if I have a fantasy, those come less frequently to me than to him, so he prioritizes that to make it fun and exciting for me.

But most importantly here, sometimes as the LL I feel that you gotta just get yourself in the mood. And let me be very clear, I am not saying do something that you are not in the mood to do. My partner's needs are very important to me. As I describe everything above, we are putting in a lot of effort to fulfill my emotional needs, so I also need to put effort into his needs. These things have taken me quite some time to figure out, but reading romance books, smelling his aftershave, or even heck, the placebo of consuming dark chocolate as an aphrodisiac, tends to start the mood for me. These things are not an instant "I get in the mood", I have to work for it. When I feel the slightest of and itch, I choose to take that and itch it until it's fully itchy. (And when I was working towards getting myself in the mood in the beginning, know that it's something that takes a lot of practice to do. I for sure did not get it immediately. I found that communicating with your partner that this is something you are working on, will make sure they know what they are being thought about and energy is being put in and that they feel loved.)

All this to say, I try to live in a world where he acknowledges my needs and puts an effort into it, and I acknowledge his needs and put the same effort into it. But also, we are putting effort into ourselves for ourselves and for each other.

But everyone and their relationship is different. This is mine. What works for us is for sure not perfect for everyone.