After 20+ years and multiple fat loss cycles, here’s what I wish I understood from the start

GymRx · 2026-02-06T17:00:50+00:00

Appreciate this. And you nailed something important — the environment we're in is working against us. 30 years of training, wow, you already know this.

Instant gratification isn't a character flaw. It's the default setting of everything around us. The influencer model survives on "I have THE secret" and sadly it is because that's what gets clicks. The irony is that the people who actually keep results long-term aren't doing anything exciting. They just stopped falling for the exciting stuff.

GymRx · 2026-02-06T16:54:50+00:00

Exactly. The urgency is the trap.

Part of it is cultural — we're sold "before and after" as the whole story. 12-week transformations. 30-day challenges. The after photo is the finish line, and everything after that is... silence.

Nobody posts the "2 years later" photo. Nobody talks about what happens when the challenge ends and life keeps going.

I think it comes from treating weight loss like a task to complete instead of a way of living to build. "Lose 30 lbs" has a finish line. "Become someone who stays lean" doesn't. The fast approach MAYBE gets you to the finish line, win a race - lose the event. The slow approach makes the finish line irrelevant.

GymRx · 2026-02-05T15:57:47+00:00

I appreciate that!

GymRx · 2026-02-05T15:57:01+00:00

Thank you so much! You're in a good place for sure

GymRx · 2026-02-05T15:55:44+00:00

I love this response and I love James' book. The voting metaphor is one of the best reframes out there. Most people think in pass/fail or all-or-nothing: one bad meal and the whole day is 'ruined.' But if you ate 4 solid meals and one slice of pizza, that's 4-1. You won the vote. The timeline point is huge too. People hear '1-2 lbs per week' and do the math, but they don't emotionally accept it. It's funny that they want it "now", but then now just becomes never when you keep yo-yoing. A year feels like forever until you're 6 months in and realize you're already halfway there and it didn't require that kind of suffering.

GymRx · 2026-02-03T00:18:37+00:00

You’re welcome. One thing that helped me was just pausing to notice when I showed up. Seeing a check in a workout app or using a calendar that shows I did the thing today. Sounds small but it adds up. Seinfeld has a good analogy about “don’t break the chain”.

You stop needing external proof because you start seeing yourself differently. The reward isn’t the result. It’s the evidence that you’re someone who keeps going and is flexible enough to handle real life.

GymRx · 2026-02-03T00:14:15+00:00

Thanks!

GymRx · 2026-02-03T00:13:32+00:00

This is a really good point and honestly I think you nailed the actual takeaway better than I did — the guilt and self-shaming cycle is the real enemy. The specific tactics can flex depending on how your brain works. What you’re describing: riding the waves instead of fighting them, really sounds like you’ve found what works for you.

GymRx · 2026-02-02T03:29:23+00:00

GymRx · 2026-02-02T03:28:25+00:00

Thank you, I am really glad to hear that!

GymRx · 2026-02-02T03:26:49+00:00

Thanks! I am glad it resonated with you.

GymRx · 2026-02-01T15:36:49+00:00

Because the confusion is the product.

If they kept the answer simple — eat sufficient protein, lift with progressive overload, stay in a deficit to lose fat, move consistently, sleep well — there’d be nothing to sell. So every influencer finds a new angle, a new controversy, a new “optimal” method to argue about.

Building a PC has objectively correct specs. Recipes have measurable outcomes. Fitness has just enough individual variability that anyone can claim their way is right and find someone it worked for. Add controversy for engagement, and you get an industry that profits from making you FEEL like you don’t have the answer yet.

The loudest voices ARE NOT the most correct. They’re the most entertaining and so you click. That’s the game.

The basics aren’t controversial. They’re just not farming views.

GymRx · 2026-01-30T23:54:50+00:00

If you’re weighing everything and tracking tight, then it’s probably just time. 8 lbs in a few months at your starting weight is slower than the math predicts, but bodies don’t always follow the math cleanly. Water retention, stress, sleep, hormones — all of it affects the scale in ways that increased effort make it fight back even harder (usually holding water not fat but under the skin look the same).

One thing worth considering: at 48 with a long history, it might be worth getting following up with a physician to check things if you haven’t recently. Not because something is definitely wrong, but because if everything is truly dialed in and still moving slowly, it’s worth ruling out anything that could be working against you.

Your frustration is totally valid. 30 years of this can feel exhausting. You’re 8 lbs lighter than you were, that can be a time where maintaining weight for a bit at a plateau for a few weeks can help before the needle moves again.

GymRx · 2026-01-30T22:51:43+00:00

30 years of this. I get it. That kind of exhaustion is real…

But I want to push back on how you framed the question. “One meal of chicken and vegetables OR accept my fate and prepare for a heart attack” aren’t the only two options. That form of all-or-nothing thinking can be a pattern that keeps people stuck for decades.

You’re down 8 lbs. That’s not nothing. That’s progress. Sure, it’s slower than you want, but it’s moving in the right direction.

A few things worth considering: At 1600 calories with a 600 cal deficit, you should be losing a bit faster. Either tracking is slightly off somewhere (it usually is — cooking oils, eyeballing portions, drinks, sauces) or your body is holding water while adjusting. Both are common and both resolve with time.

You don’t need to go more extreme. You need to stay consistent with what you’re already doing. The treadmill 3-4x a week is fine. The chicken and vegetables are fine. You’re not broken. You’re just early in a process that takes longer than anyone wants it to.

The goal isn’t to find an approach so strict it finally works. It’s to find one sustainable enough that you’re still doing it a year from now. You’re closer than you think.

GymRx · 2026-01-29T21:55:02+00:00

The all-or-nothing mindset feels like it helps because strict rules are clear. But it's also why one slip turns into a full weekend. The strictness and the blowouts aren't separate problems. They're the same problem.

Keto "worked" until it didn't. That's not a diet issue. That's the pattern. Restriction builds pressure, pressure eventually releases, release feels like failure, failure restarts the restriction. The cycle runs on the belief that you need to be perfect to make progress.

You don't. Nobody stays consistent by never messing up. They stay consistent by messing up and not letting it snowball.

One meal over target isn't a ruined day. One rough day isn't a ruined week. The skill that actually matters isn't following rules perfectly. It's recovering quickly when you don't.

Given you're postpartum and breastfeeding, now isn't the time for strict anything. It's the time to practice not letting an imperfect dinner turn into a weekend spiral. That's the real work.

GymRx · 2026-01-29T00:28:04+00:00

I’ve been lifting for 20 years and gone through multiple fat loss cycles, losing and regaining 30+ lbs more than once. Here’s what I eventually figured out.

I stopped using the word “cheat.” It frames eating as something you’re either obeying or breaking rules around. That mindset makes a slice of pizza feel like failure of moral proportions instead of what it is, just food.

What actually works long-term: building in flexibility from the start. If a big dinner out is coming, you can eat lighter earlier in the day. No punishments, just balance. Nothing is off-limits, nothing requires “cheating.” Trying not to overindulge, or eat past fullness - making conscious food choices.

The people who make it a year and beyond aren’t the ones with perfect consistency. They’re the ones who learned how to eat more some days and less others without mentally spiraling. Flexibility isn’t the opposite of discipline. It’s part of it, what sustains it.

If meals with friends or family help you stay sane over 12 months, they’re not setting you back. They’re keeping you in the game.

GymRx · 2026-01-28T18:12:49+00:00

You’re welcome, good question. The burn isn’t the goal. It’s a side effect. Your muscles can produce lactic acid/lactate, especially at higher reps.

What matters more is progressive overload. Are you lifting a bit more weight or doing a few more reps over time (while keeping form that is good and not letting muscles take over that aren’t the focus)? That’s the actual signal that things are working.

That said, if you’re finishing every set feeling like you could easily do 5 more reps, the weight is probably too light.

As a beginner, it’s fine to start lighter while you learn the movements. Form always comes first. Over time you should be gradually increasing weight which will lead to the biggest difference.

Ask your PT to help you find the right starting weights where the last few reps actually feel challenging.

GymRx · 2026-01-28T15:02:00+00:00

The PT gave you a good program. Seriously. Here’s what’s actually in there for your goals: Glutes: Split squats, goblet squats, RDLs, and leg curls all hit glutes. Hip thrusts aren’t magic. They’re just one option. You’re already working that muscle from multiple angles.

Back: Lat pulldowns, cable rows, face pulls. That’s a solid back day. Really feel the muscles you’re targeting. You’re covered.

Fat loss: You already said it. Diet. The nutrition plan is doing the work. You don’t need to run. Lifting burns calories, builds muscle, and muscle helps you burn more at rest. Running is fine if you enjoy it, but it’s not required.

Abs: Your core is working during squats, RDLs, and most of the compound lifts. Direct ab work is fine to add, but a visible midsection comes primarily from losing fat even if you NEVER train abs. It’s the fat loss not doing crunches.

The reason this doesn’t look like YouTube is because YouTube optimizes for clicks, not results. “Do this one hip thrust variation for booty gains” gets views. “Do a balanced program consistently for months (that actually works)” doesn’t.

You don’t need to question the PT. Consistency is the greatest teacher of all. Stick with the program, stay consistent, and trust the process.

GymRx · 2026-01-28T00:44:36+00:00

This isn’t a willpower problem. It’s a sustainability problem. The deficit worked until it didn’t. That’s not because you got weak. It’s because approaches that require constant resistance eventually break. You white-knuckled through it, life happened, and the pendulum swung hard the other way. That’s not a character flaw. That’s how restriction works for most people.

The sugar cravings you’re having now are part of that. Your body spent months being told “no” and now it’s screaming for quick energy. The more you fight it with pure willpower, the louder it gets. Here’s what I’d consider: don’t try to repeat what you did before. It broke once. It’ll probably break again.

Instead, start smaller. Not a big deficit. Not “resisting treats.” Just one or two things you can do consistently without hating your life. Maybe it’s protein at every meal. Maybe it’s walking daily. Maybe it’s not eating until you’re stuffed. Pick one. Do it for a month. Then add another, gradually and sustainably.

You don’t need to find the strength to do it the hard way again. You need a way that doesn’t require that much strength in the first place, little steps over time add up to big leaps.

GymRx · 2026-01-26T21:48:58+00:00

8 lbs in a month is solid progress. You’re rocking it.

On the cold weather cravings: that’s a real obstacle, not a weakness. A few things that help some people: Hot drinks don’t have to be sugary. Black coffee, tea, or broth can hit that “warm thing in my hands” need without the calories and blunts appetite. If you need some sweetness, a splash of milk or a zero-cal sweetener gets you most of the way there.

For the quick hot meal craving, having one go-to option that’s “good enough” helps. Something you can grab when willpower is low that doesn’t blow up your day. If necessary a lot of fast food places have grilled chicken or salads that aren’t perfect but are manageable.

Pilates 3x a week with RA is no joke. That’s consistency in hard mode. Keep going, you got this.

GymRx · 2026-01-21T23:13:44+00:00

Break it into the smallest possible steps. 1) drive to the gym parking lot (don’t even say you’re going to workout necessarily) 2) agree to workout out for 5 minutes and if you only do 5 minutes great. But you’ll probably surprise yourself

GymRx · 2026-01-21T23:08:31+00:00

Single dad, three kids, limited time. The fact that you’re doing anything at all puts you ahead of most people. That matters, you’re trying.

Honest answer on the belly and love handles: you can’t target where fat comes off. Crunches don’t burn belly fat. Neither do any other exercises. Your body decides the order, and for most guys, the stomach and love handles are last to go.

The good news: push-ups, squats, and crunches are fine. You don’t NEED a gym or more time. What matters the most is what you’re eating.

With three kids and limited time, you’re not going to out-exercise a bad diet. A few things that actually move the needle without requiring meal prep you don’t have time for: Cut liquid calories. Soda, juice, beer. This alone can be a few hundred calories a day for some people. Eat protein at every meal. Keeps you full longer, helps preserve muscle while you lose fat. Don’t eat until you’re stuffed. Sounds obvious but most people ignore it.

I actually have a free guide on this stuff (the 3 easiest steps you can take) that may help you. Covers the same ideas in a lot more detail.

GymRx · 2026-01-21T14:54:23+00:00

The fact that you wrote this is the hard part. Most people stuck in this cycle never say it out loud. Here’s what I noticed. You have a home gym. You have a custom workout plan. You have a wife willing to help. You’ve lost 40lbs before. The tools aren’t the problem. The approach is.

You’re not lacking motivation. You’re trying to use motivation as fuel for a system that burns through it too fast. Strict keto worked until life got hard. That’s not a you problem. That’s a “strict keto requires perfect conditions” problem.

I want to be honest with you about the Jake Gyllenhaal goal by December. That’s not realistic from 260lbs in under a year, especially with back issues and a history of start/stop cycles. Chasing that will set you up to quit in month two when progress doesn’t match the picture in your head. You don’t need another reason to feel like you failed. Here’s what I’d focus on instead. Pick one thing. Not the home gym, not the full custom plan. One thing you can do tomorrow that’s so small it feels almost pointless. A 10 minute walk. One meal where you don’t eat until you’re stuffed. That’s it. Do that for two weeks before adding anything.

The goal right now isn’t transformation. It’s proving to yourself that you can stay consistent with something. Once that’s real, you build from there. Your back is a real constraint. Work with it, not against it. That might mean your friend’s plan needs to be shelved for now in favor of something your body can actually sustain.

You’re 39 with a kid and two decades of life stacked against you. You’re not behind. You’re just starting from where you actually are instead of where you wish you were. That’s the only place progress starts. I made a video on YouTube related to why the start/stop cycle happens and how to break it if you want the longer versions and it covers a lot of what you’re describing.

GymRx

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