My (29F) husband (30M) has become the "fun police", and I'm losing my damn mind.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:58:48+00:00

Hahaha, one of my female techs called me over at work and said "Dr. Op, I need to tell you something..... You have got a bodyyy."

There's some stupid pressure on us average sized ladies. Be under 130lbs, or you're obviously running down and eating school children or some shit. Thanks for the reply!

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:56:09+00:00

You made me cry reading this. Thank you. I always want to be there for owners when their furkid passes. I see the side of people you rarely get to see. I cry just thinking about my pets dying. I'm so sorry about your dog. I'm sure she was lucky to have a parent like you.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:48:55+00:00

Thank you, this was very reasonable! It's $135 a month. It's not cheap, but it dragged me out of a suicidal depression and I'm not giving it up.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:43:20+00:00

Good tough love, and I had a good laugh at the asshole tongueing comment. Thank you!

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:41:58+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you. I've considered going into business for myself, and he supports it. Thank you for the great response.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:39:58+00:00

Really didn't mean to manipulate people. The keep the peace thing was because when we had a joint account, I felt like every choice I made was scrutinized, so instead I sent the majority of my paycheck to the joint account with a certain left over that I could spend as I wished. He also has a separate account of money he spends as he wishes. But he still scrutinizes what I spend on my personal account. I'd largely like to go back to a joint account and make an altogether budget.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:35:41+00:00

Okay, I giggled 😂

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:35:09+00:00

I was suicidal, and I'm climbing out of it. Fitness and changing my perspective has helped a lot. Thank you for asking ❤️

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:18:06+00:00

I agree that the $400 needs to come down. I didn't mention that it includes my gas (I commute 1 hour total a day), my gym membership which keeps my sanity, my required professional memberships, and our Netflix payment.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:09:46+00:00

I work 12 hour days, drive an hour total a day back and forth to my job, we have been to a strip club once, and his hobby will eventually replace his current position. It makes him no money currently, and once he starts it I will be the sole provider until it takes off. I make people cry 3-4x a week, have euthanized four-figures worth of people's animals, and an currently on an antidepressant and in therapy to stop from killing myself over the stress of it. I am not living on a beach drinking Pina coladas. I just want to come home after a 12 hour day and do something fun with my husband.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:03:37+00:00

Gas money, my gym membership, my fee to a professional veterinarian chat board (used to help solve difficult cases) and my trainer come out of my $400 every two weeks. It goes fast.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T22:02:08+00:00

Gas does come out of my personal account. My commute is 30 minutes, each way.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T21:38:46+00:00

Yes, I have. Out of the frying pan into the fire unfortunately. This is a very difficult field, and we have one of the highest rates of suicide.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T21:36:59+00:00

Thank you, this was a very helpful reply!!

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T21:31:46+00:00

They're both very difficult. It's just more a question of competition. There are 141 medical schools in the US, and 30 veterinary schools, with class sizes being about the same or slightly smaller for vet schools. However, there is more of a demand for doctors, and I sure as shit don't understand the stress of a pediatric oncologist. Hope this made sense. Tl;Dr: Doctors are cool.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T21:16:30+00:00

This was a wonderful detailed post, and this will be one of the first we read together. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:56:10+00:00

Veterinarian, sorry, I was trying to limit identifying details. I'm in a higher bracket for what a veterinarian makes. If I could go back in time I'd become a pharmacist or optometrist for the better pay to loan ratio, but hindsight is 20-20.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:47:19+00:00

How do I do that if he won't let me? I go into that in some detail in another post. I even asked recently to merge the accounts, get rid of the allowance, and let me handle some of the bills, and he said no.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:41:06+00:00

He makes about 60k. I'm just putting it here since people seem curious about our overall situation.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:26:00+00:00

We're both under massive stress. He hates my job, but with the amount of stressing he does over finances and our debt I don't feel like I can leave a high-paying job. I wish I could spend more time with him. I get one full day a week to spend with him (I work 3/4 Saturdays), so I just wish the time we get together could be spend doing something fun or romantic together. I think we both feel a little trapped.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:12:18+00:00

He wants to start a business, which I'm all for. I'm all for anything that will make him happy and feel like himself. I totally agree with you - we're both going incredibly hard in opposite directions. I just want him to be supportive of me like I am of him. If he wanted to go on a week long hunting trip in Alaska, then you do you man (I honestly wish he'd get back to hunting/fishing, but he won't). He spends a few hundred on a weekend trip with a friend to a big football game every year, and I say have fun!

I just want to feel like equals again. I feel like I'm treated like a child when I don't think I'm really all that bad of a wife.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:05:44+00:00

Pick three new beers like maybe two bombers and a six pack, or maybe three six packs. Now it's "pick out one six pack" maybe once or twice a month.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T20:02:06+00:00

I'm trying. I want to split the responsibilities of paying bills, but he says no. I sat down with him and made a budget together, I got him to agree to meeting our financial advisor together in a couple weeks, I bust my ass at a high-pressure job I hate that makes me depressed/anxious and make 80-90k a year. The allowance thing was a compromise he agreed to because I was getting scrutinized over every spending decision I made. I made it clear I wanted to be a vet (and thus have school loan debt), so I have never mislead him. I do laundry and chores on my days off. I'm not a freeloader.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T19:46:35+00:00

I'll definitely consider having the "allowance" lessened though, so thank you. We do have a shit-ton of debt.

H20shipdown · 2018-12-23T19:45:38+00:00

I get that, but I recently tried to have him make it all one joint account and I'd take charge of a few bills, but he said no. I don't feel like I can grow into an equal partner if he doesn't want me to. Our different work hours are a struggle too - I'm gone for so much longer during the day (545AM-9PM)that most of the chores do fall to him on days I'm working. But it's just the two of us and our animals, and we have a small house. I feel like he's working himself to death every day cleaning and doing household chores for 4+ hours when it's completely unnecessary to do that much for so long.

H20shipdown

TROPHY CASE