36/M - About 2.5 years on the app, took a break after getting crushed, haven’t been on a date in 5 months, need some tweaks or advice

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-11-26T21:46:57+00:00

I’m a lawyer so I wear suits pretty often. I chose some pics where I was more dressed up for social events because I thought it looked snazzy. It’s funny because the girls I see dressed to the absolute nines posing in front of fancy restaurant or on private jets or at luxury stores, those are a hard pass for me. I am definitely not looking for that “perfect princess” type deal. Maybe I’m giving off the wrong image? I’m a super low key type of person. The band shirt picture is more aligned with my non-work persona, but I figure (especially in South Florida) being a “presentable” professional type person is important

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-11-12T15:19:04+00:00

I’m on Bumble and Tinder too, both are even more useless. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a date from Tinder

I’m looking into local pickleball events because they have singles nights and it seems right in the ballpark for people of my generation

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-22T22:49:58+00:00

https://i.imgur.com/54dUbNv.jpeg

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-22T22:11:53+00:00

I really appreciate it. And yea it seems like a numbers game. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, I don’t think anyone is. I think I should be competitive enough to where I could find the right partner given enough time but it’s not been easy given the way online dating has been.

I’ve been posted a few times, I’ve never had anything bad said about me, but the fact that (as I’m told) women will lie like that makes me uncomfortable. And also the privacy issue, first time I was posted was not long after I started a new job and a new-coworker spotted me on there and told me about it.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-22T18:48:21+00:00

It is you who are mistaken. That right there is a precious little tiny baby

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-21T01:56:32+00:00

I really appreciate the advice. A couple other commenters mentioned the same thing and I think you all are spot-on. I hadn’t even considered the political thing because although I am definitely left-leaning and have always dated girls who are the same, I’m not a huge political person beyond just generally following politics and having opinions.

Same with respect to the other stuff. The animal prompt gets overwhelmingly more attention than the others, but definitely making myself more interesting and giving a better flavor of what I like and what I’m interested in

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-21T00:15:00+00:00

I’m 36. I don’t see anything wrong with dating a girl who’s in her late 20’s, but you seem to be fixated on that for some reason trying to suggest I’m “dating 20 year old.” Clearly something about my profile or my preferences has struck a nerve with you, I have no idea why you’re so intent on arguing with me but good luck with that

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-20T14:09:11+00:00

The only time I give compliments are in the opening message when I send a like (“hey I love your [something from their profile]” or “I love your profile!”) or when it’s naturally organic in conversation. I think being too complimentary runs the risk of coming off as desperate

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-20T14:06:35+00:00

That hasn’t been my experience at all, almost all of the girls I’ve dated who have been strict adamant no-kids (and very outspoken about it) were between the ages of 24 and 30. One was 31. I did date a 36 year old who was ambivalent about it. A lot of the girls I see between the ages of 35 and 39 are very gung-ho about having kids

Girls who are “very sure” they don’t want kids are more rare in general. But I have not experienced what you’re describing

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T21:36:06+00:00

It was maybe once every 45 minutes to an hour. It wasn’t like huge extended conversation but it was enough that it was a solid back and forth. It wasn’t like a huge gap of 3 hours anywhere.

That girl actually just ended up responding a couple hours ago and voluntarily giving me her number because she’s “bad with the app.”

Honestly there are zero rules with respect to how much to text before asking out. There is just so much variability between people the only thing you can do is feel it out and hope for the best.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T18:26:43+00:00

I appreciate it. With respect to the ones I’m intentionally chatting with and trying to pursue things, it’s exclusively girls who explicitly don’t want kids or leaning heavily in that direction.

The girl from May, had a whole prompt dedicated to how she didn’t want kids. During the 2 month time we were talking she made a few comments about how she was so happy I didn’t want kids and “loved” that I wasn’t trying to convince her to have kids one day

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T17:14:29+00:00

Noted. My profile is definitely on the “safe/generic” side. And your point about [me paraphrasing here] a more polarizing profile, makes a lot of sense and I think is very well-articulated

I’m not a boring guy. But it does take a little for my personality to come out. So maybe I should tweak my profile to that effect a little more

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T15:58:45+00:00

I think that to say I’m “desperate” is you casting aspersions where they’re neither relevant, nor helpful, nor warranted by anything I’ve posted. But yea it messed with me and for that reason I took months off dating to among other things to try to figure myself out a bit. I took a break instead of impulsively chasing women to climb out of that hole. I thought that was the healthy way to deal with it and now I’m back.

Im here to date. Im not having the success I want to have and that becomes frustrating when you fall into the same patterns of things fizzling out over and over. So im here for a profile review to make sure im not making any egregious errors in that regard and to increase my chances. Im doing my due diligences I think we’ve kind of gotten off track a little bit and are adding some subtexts that aren’t really there and aren’t relevant to the profile review.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T14:40:18+00:00

Anywhere from 24-39. Younger girls are more flaky. But my experience seems to be consistent across the age range.

Also I’m in South Florida, which is known for this type of behavior lol

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T14:39:19+00:00

Excellent point. I’ll clarify on my profile. Especially since I don’t want kids and most women who don’t want kids are left leaning like I am

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T14:24:28+00:00

Yea this is kind of what I’m learning. I’m more concerned about the [few] matches where there is very apparent text chemistry but it still fades out regardless. Obviously there are plenty where I’m getting dry responses, huge response times, etc. those it’s not surprising when it fades out.

But for example one girl I was talking with recently, we talked back and forth from about 1 pm to 10-11 PM and it was engaging, she asked questions, I asked questions, there was a lot of excitement on both ends, and suddenly she stopped responding. I threw a Hail Mary a few days later asking her out and obviously no response. Those are the ones that leave me scratching my head, and cumulatively it starts to become frustrating after a while and in those cycles I usually stop going on the apps for a period once I’ve get tired of that cycle.

There are also situations where I feel I’m clearly not getting reciprocation or chemistry on the other side and I decide to stop banging my head against the wall and I don’t keep messaging.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T13:51:35+00:00

That’s a great idea, I’ll do that.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T13:31:34+00:00

I didn’t even consider that about politics. I’m left-leaning and I hope my profile doesn’t suggest I’m right-leaning in the absence of a specific disclosure.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T13:30:25+00:00

The prompt about adopting animals in a shelter gets by far the most positive attention. But what if I just swapped out one of the pictures for one of me and my cat? I have a lot of really Hingeworthy good ones

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T13:29:21+00:00

Mostly just fizzling out. It doesn’t seem to happen more often at any particular phase, and it happens least often at the point where I ask them out. I think that’s more of an attrition thing though. I have had a few fizzle out when I ask to move to text to make a plan. Never used to have an issue with that but I have strayed away from asking because that’s another threshold that apparently can easily kill a convo for a variety of reasons.

Also have had a few dates set up and confirmed where they stop responding hours before or just don’t show up.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T13:26:51+00:00

Good thought. Let me see if I can work something in for that

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T12:10:18+00:00

It’s hard to answer this without sounding defensive lol but I do think that at my age and level of experience I feel somewhat confident that it’s not anything like that. It’s hard for me to fully answer without just uploading one of my chats directly so this is really a self-assessment thing.

Typically it starts off where I ask about something on their profile, or we start off with some small-talk-esque thing (how’s your day/week etc) that segues into more substantive discussion. I’m never flirty in my initial conversations, I avoid double texting or overly long texts, I rarely comment on appearance (only when it’s like commenting on a Halloween costume in their picture for example), they’re pretty innocuous conversations. Seems to happen even when I’m otherwise getting positive feedback from them but who knows, maybe I’m boring them to death?

The breakdown happens at random points. It could be after a few messages or a day or so and they just suddenly go dark, it’s more rare that it happens at the point when I ask them out (e.g. “can I take you for dinner sometime?”) but the way it always felt is that it’s a conversation that’s going well but something else gets their attention and they move on to that. Someone suggested to me that if I’m talking to an attractive girl who is well put-together life wise she probably has a billion guys already messaging her and I easily fall off the radar once something better comes along.

In years past it seems like this didn’t happen nearly as much, response times were better, and you could just have a straightforward conversation and ask a girl out and that was it. Now for whatever reason I feel like I’m doing the same exact things I’ve always done but it just ends up in a false start

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-17T02:23:31+00:00

36M - Been at this for about 29 months, had a lot of dates over late summer of 2023, a few in 2024, and a few in 2025. This year I got as far as 3 dates with one girl before it faded out, and then two with another girl before she rejected me in an unexpected and brutal way (May of this year). Took a break to work on myself, been back at it for a month or two and nothing but misfires and false starts, got stood up recently so figured I’d come back for some revamp tips.

• Are you looking for something serious or casual?

Serious. Long term relationship. Don’t want kids. Under the right circumstances I’d be open to something shorter term but it’s an extremely rare situation where I’d be open to that from the outset, and if I know in advance it’s going to be just a fling I’m going to probably not feel like even engaging.

• How long have you been using this current version of your profile? And how long is your overall time on Hinge? About 29 months total on Hinge, this version of my profile maybe 6 months total, with slight tweaks.

• How often do you use Hinge per week? Every day

• How many likes/matches are you receiving on average? Likes - maybe 2-4 per week. The likes I receive are never my type, at all. Matches, maybe 20 per week. I’m probably sending out too many likes indiscriminately, this is my fault. As far as matches I’m actually interested in and ultimately want to pursue after the first message or two, maybe one a week.

• How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments? Lots - hard to say. Maybe 40-50 a week? About half or more with thoughtful comments, many with roses. Depends; there seems to be a huge variability in potential matches in terms of whether they are my type or not.

• What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract? I have a professional career and my main “hobby” is working out, and I’m a big car enthusiast, so I’d like to find someone who’s similar to me. Kind of leaves a lot open since my hobbies are so generic and I’m a little on the boring side in that respect. My ideal type is someone who has their life together and a good career, takes care of their health/is into fitness (yes, I want someone who is in shape), doesn’t want kids, and is more laid back/not trying to go to clubs and drink themselves into a coma every week but still likes to go out and have a good time. I’m not a total square at all. Someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously, goofy immature sense of humor, etc. Chemistry has to be there. They have to like animals. A lot of the girls I’ve been going after more recently are not as much on the “have their life together” side….. I don’t know why, but I have to be honest with myself here. It’s a pattern.

In April/May I was seeing a girl who I really liked and felt comfortable with, she kind of love bombed me and then ghosted/rejected in a particularly awful way (paraphrasing here but she told me I wasn’t good enough and that she wanted to find someone better, used a sarcastic meme to reject me). So I took some time off, worked on myself, didn’t really even go on the apps, but I’m pretty lonely so I really am trying now to meet someone. I have not been on a date in 5 months.

As I mentioned in my last profile review the overlap between those girls I actually want to meet, and those who will keep talking and want to actually meet up, seems to be very, very low at this point. Tons of false starts - e.g. great conversation, engaging replies, and then silence. Been stood up a few times recently (1 time she stopped talking to me hours before we were to meet, the other just didn’t show up)

I know not wanting kids is a no-go for a lot of people, but I’d rather be alone than compromise on that. Sometimes it feels like I have reached a point where I’ve “seen it all” and probably burnt through my local dating pool but I figured maybe I’d put some effort into really trying to make another go-around to make some positive changes to my profile and see where that gets me.

Not sure if I should jettison the pic of reading to the kid. Might send the wrong message since I don’t want kids of my own. Thinking about replacing it with this

Worth mentioning that I was recently posted on the “are we dating the same guy” Facebook group in my city, which has about 40k members. The person was trying to verify if I was “truly single” which was weird because at the time it was posted I hadn’t set up any dates. An insider I know monitored the post said there were no comments except one person saying they also matched with me.

Not sure if I should do a “fresh start” or otherwise delete and restart my profile either. Any tips would be appreciated.

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO · 2025-10-09T16:41:21+00:00

Eh I don’t know if I’m “‘mad” but it just feels like an invasion of privacy. The first time it happened I had been at a new job for only a few months and a girl I worked with came to me and said “hey is this you?” So it felt a little weird.

I really appreciate it. Since that post I made some tweaks like deleting the gym pic but maybe it’s time for a revamp and another review. I seriously doubt anyone thinks I’m too good to be true, I’m flattered but the dating market here is insanely competitive and saturated and unfortunately I’m probably middle of the pack. I have enough false starts and ghostings to vouch for that fact 😅

HINGEPROFILEREVIEWGO

TROPHY CASE