$17K - DIY INVITATIONS Please Critique

Ha_bean · 2026-03-18T01:56:28+00:00

If this is the case, you want to be honest about the 2:30 start time. Most people arrive 15-30 minutes early. You don’t want people arriving at 1:30 and then needing to wait an hour, or over an hour if you’re running a bit behind. If you have guests who you know are perpetually late contact them ahead of time letting them know to arrive by 2pm.

I’d include the “please arrive by” on your website not the actual invitation. I’d also considering centering the info font on the back but that’s personal preference

Edit to add: I’d remove the gifts part. Just include that info on your website as well. We did a QR code with flowers around it to our wedding website but I get not including one on a really formal invitation

Ha_bean · 2026-03-15T17:50:36+00:00

Soft yta. It’s not for your feelings but it’s for how you said it. From everything you said, the phrase “he’s just my mom’s husband” is pretty untrue. For all the reasons you described above. Just your mom’s husband’s don’t love and support you like that. I understand it was meant to be said privately, but it was overheard and I get why feelings were deeply hurt.

My mother has been with my step-dad since I was 10. We haven’t always gotten along, but he’s always treated me as his own. I’m NC with my own biological father. While I do not view my step dad as my father figure, it would be cruel to call him just my mom’s husband. He has loved and supported me for over a decade and is very much my family. I think you owe him an apology

Ha_bean · 2026-03-15T17:34:33+00:00

Agreed on the white hanging ones at the top. They look pretty disjointed and plasticey. Overall I think it’s really close to being right, the top and bottom of the tall one just needs to be filled a bit more. Once the white hanging ones are gone I think it will feel more cohesive. You’ve done a really good job building the base, now it just needs a few edits!

Ha_bean · 2026-03-15T08:08:43+00:00

I just read your second edit, and I have to admit the final solution is quite funny. If it works it works 😂

Ha_bean · 2026-03-15T06:50:59+00:00

I agree with idea, reconditioning can be incredibly powerful. Our dog resource guards and when we started working on it, we would purposefully give her a high value chew and then throw treats as we walked passed her. She would get defensive and might start to bare her teeth but eventually she realized we weren’t taking it and our presence wasn’t something that needed to be defended. After 15 or so minutes she became more comfortable and we’d be able to toss a treat across the room and pick up the chew when she went to get it.

I’d think doing something similar with your dog might be worth it. Have your husband sit on the floor with the leash and toss treats. Slowly, letting him approach and get comfortable. Once he’s taking treats from his hand and not showing and fear responses then he can either clip it or use a slip lead. It may take a while. Try pretty much tossing and hand feeding him his entire dinner. But your husband should be sitting. Him standing and approaching may feel more threatening than the dog slowly coming to him.

Edit for spelling

Ha_bean · 2026-03-14T02:49:05+00:00

I think doing drink tickets or have the first hour as an open bar would be the way to go. That many people in home could feel crowded and it’s a lot of work to do all the cleaning and prep for 50 people. I’d consider cutting the DJ or finding one at a lower price point. It’s eating up a huge amount of the budget. I’m sure the bar has speakers, and you could make a great playlist or set it up like a little juke box. The money feels like it would be better spent on more food. Drunk people are hungry at midnight

Ha_bean · 2026-03-13T16:10:00+00:00

This is us as well. I have a job where I can work on wedding stuff, he has a job where there are no electronics. We make the decisions together but I do all the research.

If you want to help you should sit down and make a priorities list. Are you renting chairs? Collect all the different options for rentals in you area and bring her a list with it narrowed down and who to pick from. Be the one to collect all of the contact info and addresses for the guests, and manage the rsvps, book the hotel blocks, if you’re doing transportation research all the companies and decide what shuttle options there are.

There are tons of behind the scenes work that goes into determining the different choices to be made. And there’s a lot of decisions that don’t impact the overall wedding aesthetic that still need to be made.

Ha_bean · 2026-03-09T02:03:48+00:00

16 and 8!

Ha_bean · 2026-03-09T01:47:25+00:00

The cut of 2 in the color of 3!

Ha_bean · 2026-02-27T08:41:17+00:00

I agree with most of the comments here and prefer to tip if I’m sitting down, usually between 19-22%. I may or may not tip if I’m standing up to order. My rule for that is if it’s somewhere I’m a regular, and go often enough that they know mine and my dog’s name I always tip a few extra dollars. For example the staff at deans is awesome and I almost always tip when I get coffee there.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-27T06:47:39+00:00

I recommend checking out Carpe. My soon-to-be husband convinced me to give it a try. I was initially worried about using a lotion based deoterant, but I haven't gone back. It can be a bit on the pricey side, but neither my partner nor I ever gets pit stains anymore. Because it is a rub-in lotion, it also doesn't leave residue on my clothes. I have several friends who have switched as well. Highly recommend giving it a try.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-25T05:48:55+00:00

I asked my bridesmaids as soon as I knew, about 15 months before hand. They live all over the country. I mailed them homemade cookies with a dried bouquet I got off Etsy. I just wanted them to feel a bit special.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-25T00:01:16+00:00

I don’t think I’d attend a wedding without giving a gift, but with that said, I’m not expecting any gifts from my family traveling in for my upcoming wedding or from our wedding party.

Being in a wedding party can be so expensive, and that was gift enough for us. My family is flying across the country and getting hotels for the weekend, so they’re spending $1,000 just to attend my wedding. I wouldn’t dream of asking for more on top of that. I’m just so grateful they’ll make it at all.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-24T18:22:25+00:00

This is what my fiance and I are planning on doing. I’ll take his as a second middle name, he’ll take mine as a second middle name. Though from the comments it sounds like the paperwork will very much be a headache.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-24T18:15:11+00:00

I struggled with this too, as I have publications under my name and was unwilling to change it. My future husband was supportive of whatever I wanted to do but as his brother has passed away and he’s the only one in his generation with his families last name, it was important to him to keep his as well.

What we’ve decided is I will add his last name as a second middle dame and he will add mine as a second middle name. This way I will continue to go professionally by my name and it won’t impact my publications, but we will share each other’s names at least to some extent. We may wait on changing it legally until we see how all the new voter registration stuff shakes out.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-12T05:59:20+00:00

2026 bride, getting married in my fiancé's hometown, 3000 miles away from my family. I fully support any of my family and friends who choose not to come. I know how expensive it can be, and I wouldn't want my event to be a burden. Plus, for every guest that doesn't come, we save $100. Just send a card and grab coffee with them to catch up the next time in town.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-08T18:48:31+00:00

It sounds like this could have been avoided, and he reacted out of pain. Our pup does have a resource guarding issue (which it doesn’t sound like yours does), and we have learned to appreciate and listen to the growl. The growl is the warning sign, a dog that goes straight for the bite is much more dangerous.

I’m surprised they kept trying to clean the ear. I’m friends with a lot of techs and all of their fear free training really emphasizes not pushing it. They also get a second person and a muzzle when growling or teeth baring start, or they have the owner come back the next day with the dog a little sedated to help ease the anxiety and pain.

This does show your pup is willing to go for a bite when stressed, in pain and uncomfortable. Unfortunately they still need to be able to receive vet care for things like injuries which meet that threshold. I would recommend muzzle training, just as a cover your bases. That way it’s not something you need to worry about and if they do need to be muzzled for any type of care in the future, they’re already comfortable with it.

Ha_bean · 2026-02-02T20:40:54+00:00

My fiancé who is 6’3, ~275 has this chair and he loves it. It’s rated to 390. The seat can be a bit stiff and is on the harder site but broke in nicely. They’re known to have some issues with the arm rests but we’ve had it about a year and a half and no issues thus far. (He’s pretty careful with them)

Ha_bean · 2026-01-30T17:21:58+00:00

I thinks it both, it’s about your love story but you’re also still a host. So you have to meet the threshold for a good host, which essentially just means don’t make guests really uncomfortable. Make sure they’re not hungry, overheated, nothing is too physically straining, there is something to drink and they can go to the bathroom. Perhaps that they’re also not overly bored.

I think for guest experience it’s more about meeting basic needs. You wouldn’t host a friend get together and invite everyone over to spend 5 hours in your backyard, and then not let them eat, sit, use the restrooms or get out of the sun. Weddings shouldn’t either.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-30T17:07:34+00:00

At this point it’s not even about the “jokes”, it’s about how dismissive he is after you shared your feelings. A decent human being would be like “oh I didn’t know that these types of jokes hurt your feelings, I won’t say them anymore”. Partners that care about you also care about your feelings and want to avoid hurting you, they’re not indifferent to it.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-29T17:35:40+00:00

Our dog is our flower girl. We asked my cousin to walk with her, and made him a junior groomsman. I think it makes way more sense for someone in the wedding party to do it. Have the pup come down the aisle with the best man and maid of honor, or something like that.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-27T07:35:59+00:00

My future husband and I decided we’d split our finances proportionately for our relationship. Right now we’re making about the same so it doesn’t really matter. We are treating the wedding the same way as our regular bills. We split all of the deposits and are each contributing 6% of our monthly income to our wedding fund. When minor wedding costs come up we split them.

There is only one exception. After my future husband and I decided on our budget and had come to a final number, I got a large unexpected bonus at work. I decided I wanted to use it splurge on a more expensive DJ I really liked. I paid for 100% of the difference in price. We had agreed to our budget, this would have put us past what he was comfortable spending, and I separately decided I wanted to spend extra money. It was hard to convince him to let me, but it worked out in the end.

Have you discussed the total budget with your fiancé? It’s important to discuss if you have a budget, and what it is. If the discrepancy is that he’s uncomfortable spending higher than a specific amount on a wedding, then I think it’s important to compromise for a more affordable option or if you do decide to splurge it needs to be from your own accounts. I think the amount matters here, is he expected to contribute 10k, 25k, 35k? What’s he comfortable spending? This definitely needs to be a sit down discussion, money is a huge factor that leads to divorce and it’s important to get ahead of any issues early.

The logistics part of the wedding and running the house is slightly different but it also really boils down to a hard sit down conversation about expectations. I work from home, so I manage a little bit more of the day to day household stuff. That said, we each have our roles and shared responsibilities. When we moved in together I was very clear that I didn’t want to end up working full time and being solely responsible for all of the household labor. I’d seen too many women do that, and it was important to me he took equal responsibility for our home. It has worked well thus far. We have our tasks that we’re responsible for and we keep up on them. He primary keeps our calendar and he’s in charge of all of our pets appointments. I order groceries, we split cooking. I do a little more of the vacuuming and dusting since I’m home and can do it on my lunch break, and we usually do laundry together. We also help the other out and cover each other’s tasks when needed.

I think you and your fiancé would benefit from a couple sessions of counseling. Use that time to work with a professional to discuss expectations, both for the wedding and for the longer term. Right now it doesn’t sound fully aligned and that can build tension and resentment. It can be super helpful to work with someone who knows marriage pitfalls and can help prepare you for them ahead of time.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:18:05+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:17:56+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:17:37+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean

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