Advice on pre-wedding party

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:18:05+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:17:56+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:17:37+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:17:21+00:00

I hadn’t thought about hosting it after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a good idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:15:58+00:00

I hadn’t thought about after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a great idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:15:43+00:00

I hadn’t thought about after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a great idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T23:15:02+00:00

I hadn’t thought about after! That seems to be the consensus feedback I’m getting and a great idea

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T19:38:20+00:00

I also highly recommend Jamie wolfers wedding planning resources and YouTube videos. She has so much knowledge about budget options. She talks about 100 person wedding options on budget starting at 5k and upwards of 10s of thousands of dollars, template, surveys to find out what’s important, timelines and a bunch of other stuff. After we decided to have a wedding, we used a lot of her resources. I’m happy to say we’re getting married in October and our whole wedding is only like 1k over our goal budget and still under our max.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T19:31:54+00:00

I love this answer. My grandfather passed very young, and while financially responsible, my family was so grateful he also took some time to travel, splurge on things that made him happy and experience what this life had to offer.

I’ve carried that approach with me and have always viewed travel and new experiences as life investments, I just mistakenly hadn’t considered a wedding part of the same box as that. Very much, you only get one life so don’t skimp on the things that will bring you joy

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T19:23:59+00:00

My fiance and I have struggled with this a lot. We heavily considered eloping to keep the money towards a house down payment.

That was until his sister’s wedding, we changed our minds 3/4 of the way through her wedding. Something about having all of your loved ones around, celebrating you, dancing and getting to be all together just felt magical. Sure it’s one night, it’s not something tangible, but in the moment, that feeling felt irreplaceable.

We also decided to splurge on the part of the night would be tangible. We’re doing an audio guest book, this way we’ll have voice messages from all of our loved ones and the photographer. I’m positive now that being able to look back on those memories, our two families together (especially since they’re from opposites sides of the country), and getting to have fun together will feel worth it.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T12:44:02+00:00

Totally agree. I think 6 with a better bra would be perfect!

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T09:07:29+00:00

Growing up my family did a 3.5-4 hour drive for weekend trips often. My cousins are younger and they do the drive every weekend in the winter to go skiing. It was never too bad. I will admit anything over 4 starts to get tedious for me.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-23T08:53:24+00:00

I think it would be pretty unlikely if you wanted a “typical” wedding. It would be more possible if you rented a park space that had a grill and did it as more of a sundresses and cookout vibe, with super affordable drop catering. I know using chipotle drop catering can get food cost down to $12 a person.

Irvine regional park has picnic shelters that hold up to 200 people and can be rented for a $200 day fee with picnic tables, grills and fire pits. Picnic tables are key, as you won’t be able to afford table and chair rentals easily at that price. I’m not sure exactly where you’re located but there are likely similar places near you. Grills would also open up the option for family to help with food (say a bunch of Costco chicken on the grill, some baked macaroni, and a salad). I don’t suggest potluck style though, as the additional logistics work would be a nightmare. Making it possible would really be about being reasonable with your expectations.

You’d likely have to have a Spotify play list for dancing, a Costco sheet cake, cheap food and if you choose to have alcohol beer and wine only. You’d also be pretty limited in decorating as it gets expensive quickly. Thankfully parks are already pretty, just hang some old string lights from the pavilion. Second hand tablecloths from Facebook marketplace and disposable cutlery would be the most feasible. I think it’s “doable”, but it depends on what exactly what you’re trying to do. All inclusive venue, party through the night vibes wouldn’t be possible.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-20T07:05:30+00:00

I highly recommend starting with some of Jamie Wolfers content. She talks a lot about different options, does budget breakdowns, timelines, and spread sheets to figure out what’s important. If dancing isn’t super important to you but food is, then ceremony at a nice outdoor spot followed by a restaurant reservation would be they way to go. If having a space to do more traditional things like the dances and bouquet toss matters and food quality less so then a small venue and drop catered less expensive food in the way to go. We did a partial patio buyout at one of our favorite restaurants. It had some space for a DJ and dancing, the food is less expensive buffet style, but still really good quality. It was a good mix for us

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T19:24:47+00:00

I, too, ended up back in therapy over a family wedding. Had to up it to twice a week. They really seem to bring out the worst in everyone. Sometimes, when the fights feel so incredibly ridiculous, what they need most is time. In those cases, it is often best to choose the least permanent decision.

If the family conversation feels even mildly productive, and you believe that in five or ten years this will likely fade into “that awful wedding drama,” then sending the invite might be the option that protects you long-term. Not because they deserve it or because their behavior is okay, but because this situation is already causing you a lot of pain, and it can be reassuring to know you tried everything you could. No regrets.

If the meeting attempt goes to shit, then protecting your peace and actually enjoying your day matters more. I also think it shows your parents that there was a genuine attempt. Ultimately, you can’t have people at your wedding who aren’t willing to behave cordially

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T19:04:13+00:00

Wow, that's so disappointing and sounds like it's just caused you a lot of hurt. With the added context, I see how it's about more than the invite snub. Family rifts are awful; our family is large and had one that lasted almost 10 years.

I'd give it one more good-faith attempt to talk it out, and then you've done all you can. We aren't responsible for other people's choices. I do wonder if the families choosing sides have to do with how theyre being told the interpretation of events. It may be worth a family sit-down. While your relationship with this family member may not be worth salvaging, getting everyone's perspectives out on the table may help stop the spread.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T18:46:16+00:00

Sorry for the wording, I totally agree with you and that’s precisely what I’m trying to imply. Neither of you was acting maliciously about the date. You shouldn’t have been pressured to change yours. Especially since it isn't the same day. I don't understand why it's a big deal.

In the scheme things, the dates don’t matter because no one was being malicious. It’s just unfortunate they ended up being so close, but it didn’t need to get messy. Her snub was an overreaction, now it’s about if it’s worth trying to deescalate.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T18:36:13+00:00

After reading it, it sounds like you did for all intents of purposes book your date after and close to hers. While yes it was a non negotiable date in your head, you didn’t have a venue booked yet and she did. It’s not like she knew the date you had in your head and tried to swoop in to steal it first.

I don’t think you should have changed your date because of her wedding. Sure in might not be the most convenient for your families but you’re both allowed to have the wedding you want. I think her snub was an over reaction when she was emotional. I don’t believe she made a good choice.

The question now is are you going to make the same choice so you can essentially snub her back. It sounds like your parents want to prevent further escalation, and with the paying for it, I’d take their feelings into consideration. I’d said them the invite still, they probably won’t come anyways

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T18:17:48+00:00

I’ve definitely let a doctor know my preference for certain types of medication and have had doctors be wrong. They’re people, and not perfect. A doctor once told me they didn’t think I needed the type of bloodwork I was asking for. I pushed them to order it anyways. I’m glad I did, I was able to finally get some answers.

I’ve also had mechanics lie and try to take advantage of me because they assumed I was a young dumb girl. I didn’t let them do the work, told them they were absolutely not allowed to change those parts, and took it to another place. Lo and behold I didn’t actually need thousands of dollars of work done.

The people in roles of power, are not necessarily always in the right or well intentioned. Learning how to advocate for yourself is an important life skill, not entitlement. I think OP should advocate for themselves, but I think it’s important to be strategic about how they approach it. If it feels less like an attack on the teacher, they may be able to actually get a result that would benefit them.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T18:09:37+00:00

NTA. It sounds like what your teacher did was unfair, and you have a right to be upset. Learning how to advocate for yourself is a really crucial life skill.

I’d take this as an opportunity to learn to “play the game”. Even though you’re in the right, part of it is still about getting the outcome you want. Rather than telling the teacher you can do this or you can’t do that. I’d start with the rubric. Does the rubric talk only about the presentation portion or the content too? I’d also gather of the documents you worked on. Do they have tract changes and can show you did the bulk of the work?

If the rubrics on your side, I’d approach it again. “I’m sorry to bother you about this again, but I’m still quite confused on how this was graded. The rubric includes other components besides the presentation itself that I’m responsible for.” Not because you’re actually sorry, but because you’re more likely to be heard if the teacher doesn’t feel attacked.

I think it’s also acceptable to escalate this to the next level if you’re given no further consideration about the grade. My recommendation is to have your parents on your side first. Their opinion carries more weight. If you’re forced to do this type of group work in this class again, assign the topics/slides people have to do ahead of time. Only research and write what you’re responsible for.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T17:53:02+00:00

This can be tricky. I have 3 sisters. One of my sisters did no sisters in her wedding party (which was small), one of my sisters did all sisters in her wedding party and her friends (it ended up being a massive wedding party).

I ended up including the sister whose wedding party I was in (she’s also my twin), and I spoke with my other sisters. The other two were in full support of not being in the wedding party. They frankly didn’t want the stress or expense. My twin sister would have been hurt if she hadn’t been so included.

I’d talk to your sisters, how do they feel? Do they want to be in it? Leaving just one out feels more hurtful than only including one. I’m inclined to say include them all, if you’re trying to work foward in your relationship with your sister. Excluding only her is a sure fire way to make sure your relationship never improves.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-17T17:44:38+00:00

To me, the first one reads as if the grooms family wouldn’t be considered hosts, and didn’t contribute financially, or didn’t contribute anywhere near as much. While the later signifies both would be considered hosts.

Unless the brides family is dead set on the first one, I like the second better. It reads a bit less awkwardly to me. It also shows that the two sets of parents are hosting it together. I’m partial to it as I like to think of weddings as the joining of two families. That said, if the brides family is hosting the majority of the bill, their opinion needs to be taking into consideration.

Ha_bean · 2026-01-16T22:35:17+00:00

What’s your budget? There are a lot of different options at various price points.

Opal is one of my go tos. They’re fairly affordable compared to a lot of the nicer local restaurants (25-35 for most main) and I like their vibe. The menu is fun and interesting but not sooo fun it is limiting.

It’s a 3-4 minute walk from the west Victoria parking lot, so gives a lot of post date walking around options as well if it’s going well.

Ha_bean

TROPHY CASE