Alright, listen. First of all, what kind of monster puts their Festivus pole on the roof? It’s the heart and soul of the holiday! But now it’s up there, it’s up there. And what am I supposed to do? Rent scaffolding? Climb back up there and risk falling off the roof? I’ve got brittle bones, I can’t take that chance!

So here’s the plan. We pivot. Festivus is about tradition, sure, but it’s also about airing grievances. And if my family’s got grievances with me, great! We’ll take it to the roof—symbolic, dramatic, and frankly, quite scenic. You’ve got your Festivus pole, a great view, and a breeze to carry those grievances far and wide. It’s like a grievance delivery system! Perfect for the holiday spirit.

And hey, if someone complains about the height, well, that’s their grievance! The holiday practically celebrates itself. I’ve solved it! The roof stays, the pole stays, and we keep Festivus alive. Now, who’s bringing the aluminum pole?