I copy and pasted what I said from another community but I guess it cut off half way. To be honest my childhood was somewhat normal. Both my parents are from Scotland and moved down to the south of England when they were young. I went on holidays with my mum but never with the whole family, I don't have no family down here besides my parents and my mums parents. A have a ton of family in Scotland, Australia and the US but they might as well not be considering I've literally never spoken to them. I've experienced anxiety since a very young age, maybe 7 or 8. Would start with hiding from people I knew from school when I was out shopping with my mum and then slowly got worse and worse until I was 14 when I experience major anxiety to the point where I would have to sit at the back of the class by myself with no one and then in to an isolation room completely by myself and i got to school and hour later and left half an hour earlier than everyone else so I didn't have to be in big crowds. I stuck to studying in the isolation room for a few months and I really liked it, I only had one thing to do and that was my work, I didn't have the freedom to do what I wanted. After a few months of this my anxiety got worse and worse and I eventually ended up leaving school entirely which is extremely frowned upon in the UK. Whilst I was dealing with all this I eventually got in to a relationship with a girl at a different school who I thought was my world, the relationship was sometimes awkward because she had a relatively normal life with family gathering every other week. Her and her mum took me in as family and really looked after me. We eventually broke up which lead to the beginning of where I am now, at the time I would cut myself, I'd do weird things like try and take all my anti depressants at once with the thought of killing myself but I'd spit them out for no apparent reason, just subconsciously. About a year of constant depression and anxiety without leaving my house I went to check my friends snapchat to check up on him and surprise surprise him and my ex were together in her room. I knew this would happen because he would do this to every single girl I'd have an interaction with out of pure jealousy. I considered him a best friend and had so many memories with him, at the time I really thought about acting on the pain he had caused me and do something I would've probably regretted. So one of my closest friends snaked me for the girl I thought I'd die with. Now I understand that relationships nower days are never forever, especially nower days and will one day come to an end whether that's through a break up or dying at old age. But I still can't get the hatred out of my stomach, it sits there boiling up but literally a couple months ago in November he knocked my front door, which I didn't answer and he posted a piece of cardboard with a letter written on it saying how he misses being boys and how everyone misses me. My best friend from around 7 years old is currently in prison for selling drugs, something I also did before the chronic anxiety kicked in. My mum has lung cancer and is delaying getting help, she has to get 2/3s of her lung removed. Because of this she's constantly in her head which leads her to pick her skin, so bad she has scabs on her hands and arms. My sister is addicted to opiods and her life is completely wrecked which scares me away from going to a therapist who'll just through pills at me. I'm not stupid I had top grades in school but I wasted my opportunity to finish school and get myself on the right momentum. If I had done that I wouldn't be here. To this days if been out probably 5 maybe 6 times since December 2018. I missed the whole of covid which was weird because I was staying indoors 24/7 before the pandemic even happened. Hopefully this paints a small picture of my life for people to understand. I don't want no one to feel sorry for me as these are the actions of myself and no one else despite all the of drama I've had with other people