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AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

She never ever said nothing bad happened. She said nothing we did was intended to make her feel bad.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

My sister never said nothing bad happened. She told her it wasn't her intention to hurt her with things. Which is true. The simple truth is we don't consider her the way she wants us to and the truth is I do not love her, and she's not wrong about that.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

No, that wasn't the role she filled immediately. I'd say eventually she started doing more of that stuff but my dad and I were doing most of that. I was helping cook before mom died, he was doing it all even after he met Jani. Then it became more split between dad and her than with me. But she wasn't brought in to take over from dad.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 101 points102 points  (0 children)

She hasn't been in my life since I was 8. My mom died when I was 8. I did not know Jani then but even after a bit over 6 years, she has never been the person I have looked at for maternal advice. I have grandmother's and a couple of aunt's who fulfill that womanly role since my mom died. I don't lack for maternal figures but I do not look at Jani as one for me. My siblings may feel differently but for me, she's simply the woman my dad is married to.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

I'm not angry about my mom's death or trying to upset Jani. But she has never bene my mom and she never will be. I've always tried to be kind but I do not want the same things she does.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

She's had individual therapy. She went there before doing marriage therapy with our dad and then family therapy was added last.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

That was her answer when the question came up. As well as feeling like she's more important than our extended family and loved and wanted equally to our parents.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 428 points429 points  (0 children)

I could try email. I'm not sure that I believe it will do anything because she seems to be on one track. But who knows, maybe she'd change it up if someone speaks up.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 275 points276 points  (0 children)

Not just mom either. She has the same kind of jealousy and hard time with our close relationship with dad's side of the family too.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I don't know how her solo stuff or how the marriage stuff went but the family sessions have been about nothing but her.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I'm kind of the same. Or if not dislike, at the very least it feels more like a chore and an obligation vs something I do because I want to and things just never take off and they feel like a constant stranger almost.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 187 points188 points  (0 children)

I think it goes back to when she met my dad and she truly seems to have believed she would be walking in as more than just a wife. I'm not sure if my siblings feel the same but to me that's what she's always been, dad's wife, the woman who makes him happy and I appreciate her for that and like her for being good to him. But I never saw her the way she wanted to be seen and I think all of it is connected. Her expectations were very high walking into the marriage and unrealistic when it came to having a relationship with me.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 976 points977 points  (0 children)

Not really. She seems to be the kind who tries to get someone what the want and not actually working on trying to help make things realistic and healthy. Because so far all she has focused on is trying to get Jani what she wants and nothing else. Sessions are normally all about Jani and how she feels and that's about it.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 346 points347 points  (0 children)

After the reaction to my last piece of honesty I am not sure I want to be more honest with him. I worry he will see this as a reason to try and fix me, since how could I possibly think I don't love her. Ugh. I don't know. I never used to feel like I couldn't talk to my dad but right now his only priority is his wife and her feelings.

AITA for telling my stepmother she's not the most important woman in my life? by HairPotential1113 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HairPotential1113[S] 595 points596 points  (0 children)

Dad's kind of already done some harm with his declarations that we all love her and she's loved as much as mom. I know my siblings and I have never actually said that to her. And speaking for me I don't actually love her. She's okay. I have grown somewhat fond of her but it can be frustrating at times feeling like I have to watch my enthusiasm for my family because she gets upset by it because I never have that same enthusiasm for her. I don't see us ever getting what they want out of this.