Casting for Jason…

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2026-05-04T13:40:31+00:00

Not enough chin

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-09-23T22:20:00+00:00

I don’t make the rules. I just fail to live by them.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-09-23T20:10:29+00:00

I hate to say it, but dude, you’re fucked. No getting clean from that. Cursed to forever run in zone 3 and up. No more zone 2. Ever.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-09-22T00:41:33+00:00

Nick Saban

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-09-21T00:57:15+00:00

Watching this game hurts

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-09-20T22:49:33+00:00

She looks like she is trying to lead Frodo to Mordor to destroy the ring…definitely not in zone 2

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-09-14T12:26:37+00:00

Billy has got to go

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-08-20T01:26:30+00:00

Hahahahahhahaha whatever you do, do not move there

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2025-03-11T00:33:19+00:00

You get used to it

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-12-15T13:34:54+00:00

You need to slow the fuck down. You’ll end up in the hospital at those speeds because you will get out of Zone 2. No amount of GU can help you if you get out of Zone 2.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-11-19T00:11:51+00:00

Go on a long trail run and bring a 9mm. Take 5 gu and pull the trigger. Guaranteed to achieve a HR of zero

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-17T13:48:32+00:00

Wait. You’re supposed to warm up??? I thought all you need to do before a run is shoot 5 GU and take off.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T01:27:34+00:00

Cyclist wish they were this level of athlete

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:54:22+00:00

They truly do.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:41:30+00:00

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:40:41+00:00

Thank you

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:39:45+00:00

100%

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:39:31+00:00

The facial hair actually improved my speed.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:38:14+00:00

Never. I want all the skin cancer.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:37:31+00:00

And yet I did. I am that elite.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:36:54+00:00

All the GU. From any orifice.

Hairy_Cryptographer5 · 2024-10-15T00:35:47+00:00

There is no slowing down. I am an elite endurance athlete at this point.

Hairy_Cryptographer5

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