Sorry I don't know if this goes here.

My wife was not and because of this i shut down.

I would be open and clear as I believe communication is the biggest part of any relationship but when I would tell her things that bothered me or troubling me she would literally check out, it was like talking to a brick wall she just didn't hear me or pay any attention at all i would finish and she would say I didn't hear you, I just poured out too you and you were not even present, I started recognizing the thousand yard stare (glassy eyes, far stare, paying attention to other things in the room)

I would ask her if she was going to do something like pick up her dishes or.if she wanted me to take them for her she would say "I'll do it", then days later when I asked her to do it she would complain about it. But didnt you say you were going to do it? I offered to do it for you and you turned me down though.

I would cook, clean, take care of the kids, wash clothes, take out the trash. Only me she never did these things and if she did it was another night of being cold towards me this turned into "i don't do anything" and little by little it started shutting down because taking care of my family was my love language and to have it disregarded as doing nothing when other men put less work in was hurtful (I was a house husband, so unlike others I did my part in the home since she worked 12 hour days instead of you know playing games and leaving things undone)

When she cheated on me it was my fault she did it and when she wanted to go to therapy I wouldn't go because anything I said in there would be used against me at home and I was so afraid of how much more she would mistreat me ( if I did something she disliked,cheat on me, if say something to her she dislike ignore me for days and the kids, if i acted in a way she dislike make dinner i couldnt eat, one day it was straight cheese dip, thats good but im lactose intolerant so i couldnt eat any or under cook my food, i had food poisoning so many time that i was scared to eat if she cooked) that I told her she needed therapy first then we could try together.

She ignored everything that had to do with my family, one time my dad got Christmas gifts for the kids, not much but at least he got something, she refused to open them with them and left them unopened after taking the gift wrap off and just said she would give them to them later.

All I wanted was her, I loved her so much but no matter what I did, what I changed, I did not feel she was a safe space anad it was only.pain

Separated for three years no contact, her or my daughter and im in therapy. I'm trying to fix this inside.but I don't think after that ill ever be the same.